Woe
I often fight fear and shame, sometimes I succumb to them though.
I am ashamed that all I am capable of right now is something like a cleaning job. Well, that's not strictly true: I am capable of doing more care work, but it isn't practical because I need to get to 10 hours a week by February and wouldn't have time to get a CRB check done in that period.
Why am I looking for cleaning work?
- I enjoy cleaning.
- It's not a job that would require much face to face interaction with customers, so I wouldn't need to work on my faking like I'm a normal person skills.
- It's a job that I could do that I could practice being in the mainstream workforce for. Working for friends means I stay in my comfort zone.
There is nothing wrong with cleaning... but I know some of you think it is beneath me, and my mother certainly would. But the bitch is dead. Ah, angst.
I was talking to a friend last night about her job applications, and she's applying for the sort of jobs that I have many of the skills to do apart from the being a normal person skills. I felt so frustrated and tearful.
I *can* get over this sh*t. I *can* fake like I'm a normal person, and maybe one day even be one. It's the compulsive truth-telling thing that is holding me back the most. My frequent need for attention is also not useful. Cleaning an office at 5.30am is a good way of practicing my covert mentalist skills.
Bring on the flipping therapy! F*cksticks.
I am ashamed that all I am capable of right now is something like a cleaning job. Well, that's not strictly true: I am capable of doing more care work, but it isn't practical because I need to get to 10 hours a week by February and wouldn't have time to get a CRB check done in that period.
Why am I looking for cleaning work?
- I enjoy cleaning.
- It's not a job that would require much face to face interaction with customers, so I wouldn't need to work on my faking like I'm a normal person skills.
- It's a job that I could do that I could practice being in the mainstream workforce for. Working for friends means I stay in my comfort zone.
There is nothing wrong with cleaning... but I know some of you think it is beneath me, and my mother certainly would. But the bitch is dead. Ah, angst.
I was talking to a friend last night about her job applications, and she's applying for the sort of jobs that I have many of the skills to do apart from the being a normal person skills. I felt so frustrated and tearful.
I *can* get over this sh*t. I *can* fake like I'm a normal person, and maybe one day even be one. It's the compulsive truth-telling thing that is holding me back the most. My frequent need for attention is also not useful. Cleaning an office at 5.30am is a good way of practicing my covert mentalist skills.
Bring on the flipping therapy! F*cksticks.