Adoption stuff
I know what you really need this afternoon. You need me whining about adoption grief, I know you do!
For a brief time when I had my child (well, 3 years isn't altogether that brief), I was friends/friendly with other parents. After Alex was adopted, I just couldn't handle being around kids or people who talked about kids. It's still difficult. I'm getting to know a number of people who have kids now, and all will be ok. I just have to acknowledge that it's going to be difficult sometimes. Knowing people with kids is going to help me I think.
People say things to me about adoption thinking they'll be helpful. I know they say them with the best intentions, but... gah. This isn't directed at anyone in particular, lots of people do this.
'You can meet her when she's over 18'
Gee, won't the next 7 years be great then! And did you know that around 50% of relationships between 'birth' parents and their children fail? Hm.
'You did the best thing.'
No I didn't. I did the least worst thing. I didn't even have a choice. My choice was to sign my parental rights away or have the court take them off me. Saying I did the best thing by severing ties with my daughter... is all kinds of painful. My aunty says this to me *each time I mention hurting about this stuff*. Argh. She's getting forgetful now, so it's difficult to remind her not to say it.
'She's better off where she is.'
Wow, it's nice to be reminded that I was a big f*ck-up of a parent after I had my breakdown. Really nice.
Many people assume that kids are always small babies when they are adopted, which ignores the 3 years that I looked after her and the 2½ years that I breast-fed her. This is one of the reasons that I write about my experience of adoption in public posts.
The best sort of thing people can say is 'I don't know about this sort of thing, I'm listening' 'I don't know how I would cope with it' or whatever.
There's other stuff, but I can't think of it just now. Check the adoption tag if you like.
No hugs please.
For a brief time when I had my child (well, 3 years isn't altogether that brief), I was friends/friendly with other parents. After Alex was adopted, I just couldn't handle being around kids or people who talked about kids. It's still difficult. I'm getting to know a number of people who have kids now, and all will be ok. I just have to acknowledge that it's going to be difficult sometimes. Knowing people with kids is going to help me I think.
People say things to me about adoption thinking they'll be helpful. I know they say them with the best intentions, but... gah. This isn't directed at anyone in particular, lots of people do this.
'You can meet her when she's over 18'
Gee, won't the next 7 years be great then! And did you know that around 50% of relationships between 'birth' parents and their children fail? Hm.
'You did the best thing.'
No I didn't. I did the least worst thing. I didn't even have a choice. My choice was to sign my parental rights away or have the court take them off me. Saying I did the best thing by severing ties with my daughter... is all kinds of painful. My aunty says this to me *each time I mention hurting about this stuff*. Argh. She's getting forgetful now, so it's difficult to remind her not to say it.
'She's better off where she is.'
Wow, it's nice to be reminded that I was a big f*ck-up of a parent after I had my breakdown. Really nice.
Many people assume that kids are always small babies when they are adopted, which ignores the 3 years that I looked after her and the 2½ years that I breast-fed her. This is one of the reasons that I write about my experience of adoption in public posts.
The best sort of thing people can say is 'I don't know about this sort of thing, I'm listening' 'I don't know how I would cope with it' or whatever.
There's other stuff, but I can't think of it just now. Check the adoption tag if you like.
No hugs please.