Fitness catch-up post
So, do you want to know how I'm getting on in the gym?
I've been going to the gym regularly for a couple of years nearly, but I've had between three and six months off at a time when my anxiety has been pretty bad; this has had an effect on progress. Each time I go back I have to deal with feeling really uncomfortable and shy/anxious, but it gets better with time and perseverance. Currently I weight-lift twice a week, walk/run the couch to 5K programme three times a week and do Pilates maybe once a fortnight/incorporate some Pilates stretches and general Pilates stuff into my routine, walk between one and four miles most days, have a rest day. There are some days that I miss, but I don't let that put me off. I don't think I'm going to do Ju-Jitsu until I've got my benefits sorted out or until I have learned to live on a lower budget: it costs £8 a session and I have free gym membership.
My goal is to get as fit as I can and build muscle: it is not to lose weight. That may surprise you (I know I am obese and that does cause some problems for me), but the thing is I haven't got my binging under control. I find it quite easy to lose weight, I can do it if I put my mind to it... but I find it so much easier to gain more weight back. Weight loss generally leads to binging for me. That's incredibly self-destructive, I know. I may go into this further in another entry. Being strong, having better stamina, being able to perform household and work-like tasks with more efficiency are my goals. I also want to change the shape of my chest before surgery (surgery is so far away), there are exercises I do for that. I keep track of the types and amounts of food I eat and the exercise I perform in mypyramidtracker. It's a nifty little programme that gives me a variety of information, and I try and make sure that I am honest when using it. I imagine it might be difficult for people who are trying to avoid anorexic behaviour though.
I'm on the second week of couch to 5K. My trainers broke when I tried it at the end of last year, so I started at the beginning. I have new trainers that are excellent for my foot shape and running style. That's running shoes btw :p This week I alternate running 90 seconds with walking 120 seconds for 20 minutes in total. I have to run slowly so that I am able to do the full 90s. Running on the treadmill at the gym is preferable to me right now: if I run in the street/the park I get embarrassed about running slowly, speed up, get out of breath and don't run for long enough. At some point I want to be able to run in public; being tied to the gym isn't always helpful, especially when I am travelling around the country socialising and visiting my lover(s).
Because of the anxiety-related absences, I've stuck to the first level workout from the book Bodybuilding for Beginners by Bill Reynolds. Next week I'll move onto the second-level workout I think; I'll need to take my book with me and learn new exercises, I usually find the process of learning new physical things difficult. I may want to do my CT5K workout in the same day as my weight-lifting workout so that I can do three days a week of CT5K and weight-lifting whilst leaving room for other things.
I have to battle my self-consciousness so much. It really is a problem, but if I do things that I find difficult I do get used to them after only a couple of weeks. Saying things like these to myself in my head helps: 'every day I get fitter and stronger,' 'no-one cares how I do my fitness routine or how my body looks, and if they do they're not worth worrying about,' 'I am doing this for me.' Doing things despite being self-conscious helps me a lot.
I am pleased with myself.
Edit: Oh, and there was a slightly amusing moment at the weight rack earlier. I'd just finished with a pair of 8kg (17pound 10oz) dumbbells, and a middle-aged, slightly out of shape guy was eyeing them gingerly; after I was well away from the weight rack he picked them up and started using them. I may have been imagining this, but I think he was embarrassed to be using dumbbells that were apparently light enough for a female-shaped person to use.
I've been going to the gym regularly for a couple of years nearly, but I've had between three and six months off at a time when my anxiety has been pretty bad; this has had an effect on progress. Each time I go back I have to deal with feeling really uncomfortable and shy/anxious, but it gets better with time and perseverance. Currently I weight-lift twice a week, walk/run the couch to 5K programme three times a week and do Pilates maybe once a fortnight/incorporate some Pilates stretches and general Pilates stuff into my routine, walk between one and four miles most days, have a rest day. There are some days that I miss, but I don't let that put me off. I don't think I'm going to do Ju-Jitsu until I've got my benefits sorted out or until I have learned to live on a lower budget: it costs £8 a session and I have free gym membership.
My goal is to get as fit as I can and build muscle: it is not to lose weight. That may surprise you (I know I am obese and that does cause some problems for me), but the thing is I haven't got my binging under control. I find it quite easy to lose weight, I can do it if I put my mind to it... but I find it so much easier to gain more weight back. Weight loss generally leads to binging for me. That's incredibly self-destructive, I know. I may go into this further in another entry. Being strong, having better stamina, being able to perform household and work-like tasks with more efficiency are my goals. I also want to change the shape of my chest before surgery (surgery is so far away), there are exercises I do for that. I keep track of the types and amounts of food I eat and the exercise I perform in mypyramidtracker. It's a nifty little programme that gives me a variety of information, and I try and make sure that I am honest when using it. I imagine it might be difficult for people who are trying to avoid anorexic behaviour though.
I'm on the second week of couch to 5K. My trainers broke when I tried it at the end of last year, so I started at the beginning. I have new trainers that are excellent for my foot shape and running style. That's running shoes btw :p This week I alternate running 90 seconds with walking 120 seconds for 20 minutes in total. I have to run slowly so that I am able to do the full 90s. Running on the treadmill at the gym is preferable to me right now: if I run in the street/the park I get embarrassed about running slowly, speed up, get out of breath and don't run for long enough. At some point I want to be able to run in public; being tied to the gym isn't always helpful, especially when I am travelling around the country socialising and visiting my lover(s).
Because of the anxiety-related absences, I've stuck to the first level workout from the book Bodybuilding for Beginners by Bill Reynolds. Next week I'll move onto the second-level workout I think; I'll need to take my book with me and learn new exercises, I usually find the process of learning new physical things difficult. I may want to do my CT5K workout in the same day as my weight-lifting workout so that I can do three days a week of CT5K and weight-lifting whilst leaving room for other things.
I have to battle my self-consciousness so much. It really is a problem, but if I do things that I find difficult I do get used to them after only a couple of weeks. Saying things like these to myself in my head helps: 'every day I get fitter and stronger,' 'no-one cares how I do my fitness routine or how my body looks, and if they do they're not worth worrying about,' 'I am doing this for me.' Doing things despite being self-conscious helps me a lot.
I am pleased with myself.
Edit: Oh, and there was a slightly amusing moment at the weight rack earlier. I'd just finished with a pair of 8kg (17pound 10oz) dumbbells, and a middle-aged, slightly out of shape guy was eyeing them gingerly; after I was well away from the weight rack he picked them up and started using them. I may have been imagining this, but I think he was embarrassed to be using dumbbells that were apparently light enough for a female-shaped person to use.