Get this child out of me...please!

[nydancersah]

Pregnancy does not agree with me.  I know I'm supposed to be not worrying about how I look and how I'm going to look after Aly's born, and thinking only about how I'm going to have this brand new baby girl any day in the next few weeks, but I can't help it.  I want to cry every time I look in a mirror.  In fact, I usually do.  I was prepared for stretch marks...I was not prepared for a road map across my entire body.  And I know they'll fade...I also know I shouldn't be so superficial...it's difficult.

I found pictures not long ago of my 19th birthday party.  Probably the thinnest I've ever been.  I had a collar bone and a waist and an incredibly flat stomach.  I've gained too much weight with this baby.  I didn't know how not to.  I've always struggled with my weight.  Someone tells my body it's allowed to gain weight, god help me.  36.5 weeks and 50 lbs later, I'm afraid I'll never get it off.  I don't want to be looked at for the rest of my life as just a mother...I can't wait to be a mother...I mean I don't want people to use that as my excuse..."Oh well...she's a mom now..." as if being a mom gives me license to get hugely fat and waste away the day watching oprah in my pajamas while eating bon bons.

I'm being insane, I know...I just worry.  I really and truly can't wait to meet my little girl and I hope she comes out soon!  :-D