For just_fck_me | Robin Williams Quote
14.1 "See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time." - Robin Williams
Co-written with lovesguinness
Detective Virginia Stewart let out a contented sigh as she leaned back in her desk chair and put her feet up on the desk. Her half of the pizza had been polished off, and even a few donuts. She would no doubt be paying for it at the gym the next day, but right now she just enjoyed the junk food overload and reached for her Diet Coke to take a sip. She watched her partner with a smirk, still thinking about him in fishnets. Tonight was a blissfully quiet night which is why she'd been home in her underwear instead of here. Unlike Euan, Virginia could actually keep up with her paperwork unless there was a pressing case that she thought deserved more attention.
She tilted her head back and gargled her Coke noisily before swallowing and licking her lips. She was still waiting for Euan to give her instructions, but he seemed more interested in eating his pizza as slowly as possible, and licking the cheese off his fingers. "Go any slower, and that pizza will go backwards."
"Like you can talk about backwards. What the shit is the point of Diet Coke with pizza and Krispy Kreme?" Euan threw back with a snort, pointing the pink pen with the feather on the end he filched off the department receptionist. "I have manners and etiquette. I don't annihilate my food." He gave a pointed lick of the corner of his lips for emphasis.
"You do remember listing Diet Coke as one of your favourite beverages, don't you? This is me trying to rack up brownie points." Virginia set her feet back on the floor and leaned forward, as she tucked her hair behind her ears. "Nice pen, U. Planning on taking it home for later use?"
Euan looked up at her, eyebrow raised suspiciously. "Why do you need brownie points with me? You have that tone in your voice. I'm not wearing the fireman uniform again." He shook his head pointedly and curled the prissy pen around his fingers. "This is what would happen if a pigeon OD'ed on Pepto. It's to stop me stabbing myself in the eye out of boredom."
"Why not, you looked hot as a fireman." Virginia was genuinely pouting a little at the idea of Euan not wearing that particular costume again. She'd be lying if she didn't think one of the benefits of being a cop was being surrounded by men in uniform. She still remembered the way Euan had looked in their rookie days, and it wasn't unusual for her to request he wear it again from time to time. Lucky for them, they were practically alone in the squad room, so no one would overhear their conversation. She still wondered just how long they'd get away with their partners with benefits arrangement before someone found out. "What tone? I'm just choosing to try and get them early in case of an emergency." She even batted her eyelashes to try and act coy. "I told you I'm here to help, but you have yet to give me anything to do. The sooner we get this done, the sooner you can be out of your pants."
Euan screwed his face up in disgust. "That's because I could be here all night. Why did I get all the bastard loopholes in this case again? Is it pick on Euan month?" he complained and shoved the rest of his piece of pizza into his mouth in one go, working his jaw to try and chew it. He made a few scrawling notes in his casebook as he tried to chew through the huge mouthful. "F'mn'so un'rig'al," he said, mouth still full.
Virginia's eyebrows went up as she stared at him. "I'm sorry, what? Better swallow some of that, big boy."
Euan somehow managed to swallow with the aid of a generous mouthful of Diet Coke. "Fireman is so unoriginal," he repeated and then burped loudly, reaching for a donut. "If I wanted to play with large hoses, I'd just jerk off."
She leaned across the desk to grab a few of his case files, and settled back in her chair to read through them. "Hey, don't fuck with the old favourites. I did do the naughty schoolgirl thing for you. I didn't hear you complaining about anything being unoriginal then." She smirked at his belch, and looked at him. "You always seem to have this little pout happening when you talk about jerking off, like you just don't want to any more. I think maybe I've become your right hand, U."
"That was different. I didn't want plaid. It was very original," Euan insisted, scratching out some more notes as he licked some of the donut glaze off his fingers. "I was even too tired to jerk off last night. Do you know how terrible that is? Broken sleep and far too fucking early morning capped off with Starbucks Dick. Now this. I may as well not have a dick. I'm changing my name to Dirk Dickless."
Virginia touched her finger to the spot under her eyes as she made like she was crying. "Poor baby... You not having a dick really would be a crying shame. I might have to find a new partner." She suddenly stabbed her finger at the file she was reading. "Is this a lube stain on your notes?!"
Euan looked up. "No, it's drool. I just couldn't help myself when Franklin passed by earlier. That ass... that comb-over. I was hot for him," he said with an over-exaggerated pant and caress of his own nipple.
She laughed as she flipped him off before turning the page, pinching the corner of it between forefinger and thumb so she didn't have to touch the stain. "It smells like watermelon. It's lube," Virginia replied as she crinkled her nose. "No wonder you're behind when all the pages stick together. I think you need to keep your fluids to yourself, or me."
Euan snorted. "Are you suggesting I jerk off over my case files?" He smirked at her. "That's not my file. It's Martin's. I'm just adding my bit because I played bad cop in his interrogation yesterday," he revealed.
Virginia looked from Euan to the file she held, before she quickly shut it and tossed it back over to his side of their joined desks. "Fucking gross. And I was merely suggesting you might have been doing the secretary in the general vicinity of them, but apparently that's Martin. That one's all yours, partner. I'll stick to the clean ones."
"Wimp," Euan teased, smirking and sticking his tongue out and wriggling it at her. "How do you know we didn't do the secretary together? On your desk?"
Her eyebrow crept up and she looked down at her desk. "At least I cleaned down your desk after doing that uniform on it. He had an incredibly firm ass... good rhythm, too."
Euan flipped her off. "Then why don't you go pound him instead of sniffing around my much firmer ass?"
Virginia blew him a kiss as she smiled. "He doesn't have your accent. Pretty sure he wouldn't let me play with the cuffs, either. He didn't seem the experimental sort."
"So, I'm just a guinea pig for you?" Euan pretended to look offended, but there was no stamina in it before he was sniggering and flipping her off. "You're hot for me, and you can't get enough of this," he said in a singsong voice, standing up and thrusting his hips in her direction.
She held the back of her hand against her forehead, and pretended to faint as she slumped down in her chair. "You got me... I'm practically dying to have you between my thighs again." She stuck her feet up on the desk again, her legs open as she waggled her eyebrows at him. "Wanna come find out how wet I am?"
Euan cocked a knee up on the desk and leaned forward to trail his tongue teasingly along her calf to her knee. "Already? Damn, I'm fucking good," he purred, nudging her legs open just a little bit wider.
Virginia pushed her hand against his head as she grinned. "No, it was thinking about the well-endowed uniform... Good memories." The way her voice had turned husky said differently though, as did the fact that her foot was working its way up the inside of his leg. "You do half an hour of paperwork without talking, and I'll let you go down on me. Do an hour, and I'll suck you off."
"Oh really?" Euan said lightly, moving back to drop into his seat again. "In that case, I think it's getting a little hot in here, don't you? Definitely on the warm side." He smirked deviously at her and unzipped his trousers, pushing them far enough down his hips to expose his hard cock resting against his lower abdomen. He picked up his pen with a light shrug. "Ahhh, that's better. Fresh air."
Virginia rest her head in her hand, her mouth covered as she looked at him with sparkling blue eyes. She glanced around to double check they were still alone before she picked up a rubber band, and flicked it in the direction of his cock, just missing the tip. "Better be careful whipping it out like that, Dickpatrick."
Euan caught the band up and flicked it back at her. "Cock abuse. You could get ten years for that, Detective," he sniggered. "Twenty for more than ten inches. Maybe even twenty five if you get Judge Taylor. He likes my ten plus."
"Ten plus? You're being a little fucking generous, aren't you?" Virginia got out of her chair to circle around the desks to stand in front of him. Her hands rest on either side of his chair. She leaned in so her tank top fell away from her breasts to give Euan a good view of her cleavage, and she rest her knee between his legs, rubbing it against him. "Better start reading me my rights, Detective."
Euan smirked up at her. "Really? What's the point? It's not like you ever remain silent," he returned, running his tongue across his upper lip and crawling his fingers up her thigh and under her skirt. His eyes danced over her cleavage and he pushed forward against her, exhaling sharply at the welcomed friction.
"Yeah, but you like it that away, don't you? You like to hear me scream your name..." Virginia murmured against his ear before drawing it into her mouth and sucking on the lobe with a moan. She released it with a purr before she smirked and pulled away abruptly to sit back down in her chair. She picked up another file and flipped it open as she ran her fingers through her hair. "An hour, U. It shouldn't be that hard for you."
Euan narrowed his eyes, not willing to back off from a challenge like that. "You're right. It shouldn't." He dropped the pen back onto the desk and slipped down in his seat, propping a foot up on the edge of the desk and taking himself in hand. "Which is why I'm going to get myself off right here, in front of you."
Virginia arched an eyebrow as she glanced over at him like his getting off was nothing new. The slight shift in her seat though was just enough to show that she was very much becoming effected. Her tongue skated over her bottom lip, and she made a concerted effort to keep her eyes on the files as she read. "Sorry I don't have any porn to offer you, but I left it in my other bag."
Euan just offered a grunt in response as his hand skated up and down his hard length a few times, easing into a well-practiced rhythm. His eyes remained on her face, the tip of his tongue just sitting out the corner of his mouth. His hips started rocking rhythmically with his strokes and he dropped his head back against the chair, moaning as he became more aroused.
She picked up her Coke to take a sip, sucking on the straw for a long moment before she set the cup back down, and put her finger in her mouth. She swirled her tongue around the tip of her finger so he could see, then drew it deep into her mouth with a moan of her own. She slipped her other hand up the inside of her tank top and gave her breast a squeeze.
Euan suddenly took his hand away from his dick, zipped his pants up and sat forward, picking up his feather pen again with a smirk. "I really am a very busy detective, you know."
"At least wash your fucking hands first," Virginia replied as she looked across at him, removing her hand from under her top and flicking her hair out of her face. "Are you planning on eating the rest of that pizza?"
Euan rubbed his hands together and looked over at the pizza. He picked up the last slice and tore it in two, offering her half with a smirk. He had no intentions of washing his hands, he knew his cock was clean. "You can't accuse me of not being chivalrous," he said smugly.
Virginia took the slice with a small shake of her head, but she smiled. "Yeah, yeah. Real chivalrous, U. Thanks."
Euan licked some of the sauce off his finger. "You can thank me proper later, on account of the fact I have to walk around with a boner now."
She just grinned at him. "I don't know, I'm a very busy detective, you know."
Words: 2286
Co-written with lovesguinness
Detective Virginia Stewart let out a contented sigh as she leaned back in her desk chair and put her feet up on the desk. Her half of the pizza had been polished off, and even a few donuts. She would no doubt be paying for it at the gym the next day, but right now she just enjoyed the junk food overload and reached for her Diet Coke to take a sip. She watched her partner with a smirk, still thinking about him in fishnets. Tonight was a blissfully quiet night which is why she'd been home in her underwear instead of here. Unlike Euan, Virginia could actually keep up with her paperwork unless there was a pressing case that she thought deserved more attention.
She tilted her head back and gargled her Coke noisily before swallowing and licking her lips. She was still waiting for Euan to give her instructions, but he seemed more interested in eating his pizza as slowly as possible, and licking the cheese off his fingers. "Go any slower, and that pizza will go backwards."
"Like you can talk about backwards. What the shit is the point of Diet Coke with pizza and Krispy Kreme?" Euan threw back with a snort, pointing the pink pen with the feather on the end he filched off the department receptionist. "I have manners and etiquette. I don't annihilate my food." He gave a pointed lick of the corner of his lips for emphasis.
"You do remember listing Diet Coke as one of your favourite beverages, don't you? This is me trying to rack up brownie points." Virginia set her feet back on the floor and leaned forward, as she tucked her hair behind her ears. "Nice pen, U. Planning on taking it home for later use?"
Euan looked up at her, eyebrow raised suspiciously. "Why do you need brownie points with me? You have that tone in your voice. I'm not wearing the fireman uniform again." He shook his head pointedly and curled the prissy pen around his fingers. "This is what would happen if a pigeon OD'ed on Pepto. It's to stop me stabbing myself in the eye out of boredom."
"Why not, you looked hot as a fireman." Virginia was genuinely pouting a little at the idea of Euan not wearing that particular costume again. She'd be lying if she didn't think one of the benefits of being a cop was being surrounded by men in uniform. She still remembered the way Euan had looked in their rookie days, and it wasn't unusual for her to request he wear it again from time to time. Lucky for them, they were practically alone in the squad room, so no one would overhear their conversation. She still wondered just how long they'd get away with their partners with benefits arrangement before someone found out. "What tone? I'm just choosing to try and get them early in case of an emergency." She even batted her eyelashes to try and act coy. "I told you I'm here to help, but you have yet to give me anything to do. The sooner we get this done, the sooner you can be out of your pants."
Euan screwed his face up in disgust. "That's because I could be here all night. Why did I get all the bastard loopholes in this case again? Is it pick on Euan month?" he complained and shoved the rest of his piece of pizza into his mouth in one go, working his jaw to try and chew it. He made a few scrawling notes in his casebook as he tried to chew through the huge mouthful. "F'mn'so un'rig'al," he said, mouth still full.
Virginia's eyebrows went up as she stared at him. "I'm sorry, what? Better swallow some of that, big boy."
Euan somehow managed to swallow with the aid of a generous mouthful of Diet Coke. "Fireman is so unoriginal," he repeated and then burped loudly, reaching for a donut. "If I wanted to play with large hoses, I'd just jerk off."
She leaned across the desk to grab a few of his case files, and settled back in her chair to read through them. "Hey, don't fuck with the old favourites. I did do the naughty schoolgirl thing for you. I didn't hear you complaining about anything being unoriginal then." She smirked at his belch, and looked at him. "You always seem to have this little pout happening when you talk about jerking off, like you just don't want to any more. I think maybe I've become your right hand, U."
"That was different. I didn't want plaid. It was very original," Euan insisted, scratching out some more notes as he licked some of the donut glaze off his fingers. "I was even too tired to jerk off last night. Do you know how terrible that is? Broken sleep and far too fucking early morning capped off with Starbucks Dick. Now this. I may as well not have a dick. I'm changing my name to Dirk Dickless."
Virginia touched her finger to the spot under her eyes as she made like she was crying. "Poor baby... You not having a dick really would be a crying shame. I might have to find a new partner." She suddenly stabbed her finger at the file she was reading. "Is this a lube stain on your notes?!"
Euan looked up. "No, it's drool. I just couldn't help myself when Franklin passed by earlier. That ass... that comb-over. I was hot for him," he said with an over-exaggerated pant and caress of his own nipple.
She laughed as she flipped him off before turning the page, pinching the corner of it between forefinger and thumb so she didn't have to touch the stain. "It smells like watermelon. It's lube," Virginia replied as she crinkled her nose. "No wonder you're behind when all the pages stick together. I think you need to keep your fluids to yourself, or me."
Euan snorted. "Are you suggesting I jerk off over my case files?" He smirked at her. "That's not my file. It's Martin's. I'm just adding my bit because I played bad cop in his interrogation yesterday," he revealed.
Virginia looked from Euan to the file she held, before she quickly shut it and tossed it back over to his side of their joined desks. "Fucking gross. And I was merely suggesting you might have been doing the secretary in the general vicinity of them, but apparently that's Martin. That one's all yours, partner. I'll stick to the clean ones."
"Wimp," Euan teased, smirking and sticking his tongue out and wriggling it at her. "How do you know we didn't do the secretary together? On your desk?"
Her eyebrow crept up and she looked down at her desk. "At least I cleaned down your desk after doing that uniform on it. He had an incredibly firm ass... good rhythm, too."
Euan flipped her off. "Then why don't you go pound him instead of sniffing around my much firmer ass?"
Virginia blew him a kiss as she smiled. "He doesn't have your accent. Pretty sure he wouldn't let me play with the cuffs, either. He didn't seem the experimental sort."
"So, I'm just a guinea pig for you?" Euan pretended to look offended, but there was no stamina in it before he was sniggering and flipping her off. "You're hot for me, and you can't get enough of this," he said in a singsong voice, standing up and thrusting his hips in her direction.
She held the back of her hand against her forehead, and pretended to faint as she slumped down in her chair. "You got me... I'm practically dying to have you between my thighs again." She stuck her feet up on the desk again, her legs open as she waggled her eyebrows at him. "Wanna come find out how wet I am?"
Euan cocked a knee up on the desk and leaned forward to trail his tongue teasingly along her calf to her knee. "Already? Damn, I'm fucking good," he purred, nudging her legs open just a little bit wider.
Virginia pushed her hand against his head as she grinned. "No, it was thinking about the well-endowed uniform... Good memories." The way her voice had turned husky said differently though, as did the fact that her foot was working its way up the inside of his leg. "You do half an hour of paperwork without talking, and I'll let you go down on me. Do an hour, and I'll suck you off."
"Oh really?" Euan said lightly, moving back to drop into his seat again. "In that case, I think it's getting a little hot in here, don't you? Definitely on the warm side." He smirked deviously at her and unzipped his trousers, pushing them far enough down his hips to expose his hard cock resting against his lower abdomen. He picked up his pen with a light shrug. "Ahhh, that's better. Fresh air."
Virginia rest her head in her hand, her mouth covered as she looked at him with sparkling blue eyes. She glanced around to double check they were still alone before she picked up a rubber band, and flicked it in the direction of his cock, just missing the tip. "Better be careful whipping it out like that, Dickpatrick."
Euan caught the band up and flicked it back at her. "Cock abuse. You could get ten years for that, Detective," he sniggered. "Twenty for more than ten inches. Maybe even twenty five if you get Judge Taylor. He likes my ten plus."
"Ten plus? You're being a little fucking generous, aren't you?" Virginia got out of her chair to circle around the desks to stand in front of him. Her hands rest on either side of his chair. She leaned in so her tank top fell away from her breasts to give Euan a good view of her cleavage, and she rest her knee between his legs, rubbing it against him. "Better start reading me my rights, Detective."
Euan smirked up at her. "Really? What's the point? It's not like you ever remain silent," he returned, running his tongue across his upper lip and crawling his fingers up her thigh and under her skirt. His eyes danced over her cleavage and he pushed forward against her, exhaling sharply at the welcomed friction.
"Yeah, but you like it that away, don't you? You like to hear me scream your name..." Virginia murmured against his ear before drawing it into her mouth and sucking on the lobe with a moan. She released it with a purr before she smirked and pulled away abruptly to sit back down in her chair. She picked up another file and flipped it open as she ran her fingers through her hair. "An hour, U. It shouldn't be that hard for you."
Euan narrowed his eyes, not willing to back off from a challenge like that. "You're right. It shouldn't." He dropped the pen back onto the desk and slipped down in his seat, propping a foot up on the edge of the desk and taking himself in hand. "Which is why I'm going to get myself off right here, in front of you."
Virginia arched an eyebrow as she glanced over at him like his getting off was nothing new. The slight shift in her seat though was just enough to show that she was very much becoming effected. Her tongue skated over her bottom lip, and she made a concerted effort to keep her eyes on the files as she read. "Sorry I don't have any porn to offer you, but I left it in my other bag."
Euan just offered a grunt in response as his hand skated up and down his hard length a few times, easing into a well-practiced rhythm. His eyes remained on her face, the tip of his tongue just sitting out the corner of his mouth. His hips started rocking rhythmically with his strokes and he dropped his head back against the chair, moaning as he became more aroused.
She picked up her Coke to take a sip, sucking on the straw for a long moment before she set the cup back down, and put her finger in her mouth. She swirled her tongue around the tip of her finger so he could see, then drew it deep into her mouth with a moan of her own. She slipped her other hand up the inside of her tank top and gave her breast a squeeze.
Euan suddenly took his hand away from his dick, zipped his pants up and sat forward, picking up his feather pen again with a smirk. "I really am a very busy detective, you know."
"At least wash your fucking hands first," Virginia replied as she looked across at him, removing her hand from under her top and flicking her hair out of her face. "Are you planning on eating the rest of that pizza?"
Euan rubbed his hands together and looked over at the pizza. He picked up the last slice and tore it in two, offering her half with a smirk. He had no intentions of washing his hands, he knew his cock was clean. "You can't accuse me of not being chivalrous," he said smugly.
Virginia took the slice with a small shake of her head, but she smiled. "Yeah, yeah. Real chivalrous, U. Thanks."
Euan licked some of the sauce off his finger. "You can thank me proper later, on account of the fact I have to walk around with a boner now."
She just grinned at him. "I don't know, I'm a very busy detective, you know."
Words: 2286