(no subject)
We keep going back and forth, we're good, he's being sweet, then I have to get in mommy mode for stupid shit.
Yesterday he made me breakfast in bed, not that it involved too much cooking but it was still sweet.
Then last night he smelled so poorly I refused to sleep next to him and while I was laying on the couch I got really mad about the fact he should need to be told about his own personal hygeine so I went back in the room and made him sleep on the couch because he was the smelly one.
He went on to sleep in past his alarm, not shower this morning, and not let Mabel out right away this morning so after she ate she piddled all over then he complained about her not showing any signs, and how it wasn't his fault, and the whole nine yards. I find it frustrating due to the fact the puppy never has accidents when I'm around, ever. So him not being able to have the same results puts us back in housebreaking when it should just be done by now, and it really would be if I'd stop trusting him.
It's a catch 22, trust him with mixed results, or continue having control over most of our relationship.
Then i go back and forth too, on how I feel, and how I cope with Jer and I's faltering relationship as well as living with Judy now who is much more mentally off kilter than I had originally thought. I go from being buried in stress, guilt, regret to being strong and taking charge of my own life and doing what needs to get done. Its getting to be a large burden on my shoulders and mostly of my own making. I understand Jers stressed, Judy's depressed, etc etc, but I get sick of everyone saying these things. I'm so depressed I can't, I'm stressed out and I can't fix it, and Im realizing I'm getting to the point where I'm starting to make just shallow culturally accepted excuses instead of actions. I'm hoping to ammend this quickly. I pride myself in being able to handle the tough times yet here I am.
So there's no set answer yet besides I still want the relationship, but I don't know how to make it work yet. I. I. I. I. I worry. I do the thinking. I. I.I. It's all me. I don't like that.
Yesterday he made me breakfast in bed, not that it involved too much cooking but it was still sweet.
Then last night he smelled so poorly I refused to sleep next to him and while I was laying on the couch I got really mad about the fact he should need to be told about his own personal hygeine so I went back in the room and made him sleep on the couch because he was the smelly one.
He went on to sleep in past his alarm, not shower this morning, and not let Mabel out right away this morning so after she ate she piddled all over then he complained about her not showing any signs, and how it wasn't his fault, and the whole nine yards. I find it frustrating due to the fact the puppy never has accidents when I'm around, ever. So him not being able to have the same results puts us back in housebreaking when it should just be done by now, and it really would be if I'd stop trusting him.
It's a catch 22, trust him with mixed results, or continue having control over most of our relationship.
Then i go back and forth too, on how I feel, and how I cope with Jer and I's faltering relationship as well as living with Judy now who is much more mentally off kilter than I had originally thought. I go from being buried in stress, guilt, regret to being strong and taking charge of my own life and doing what needs to get done. Its getting to be a large burden on my shoulders and mostly of my own making. I understand Jers stressed, Judy's depressed, etc etc, but I get sick of everyone saying these things. I'm so depressed I can't, I'm stressed out and I can't fix it, and Im realizing I'm getting to the point where I'm starting to make just shallow culturally accepted excuses instead of actions. I'm hoping to ammend this quickly. I pride myself in being able to handle the tough times yet here I am.
So there's no set answer yet besides I still want the relationship, but I don't know how to make it work yet. I. I. I. I. I worry. I do the thinking. I. I.I. It's all me. I don't like that.