My heart itches
Mmmm...Johnny Cash.
"I will let you down.
I will make you hurt."
Sometimes I feel like that's all I do. I am pretty sure there's more to it, but that "more" can be hard to remember sometimes.
I haven't posted anything in a while...Not as interested in blogging. But there might be a couple of people with whom I do not speak regularly who desire to read these. Hell, maybe there's someone out there who gets some sick pleasure and/or satisfaction by reading these.
(For some reason I just remembered how one of my exes got a mutual friend to let him onto his MySpace to read my blogs, nearly all of which are friend-only after he deleted me post-breakup. Wow, the grammar in that sentence makes it nearly unintelligible.)
But I don't think anyone really cares all that much.
I want to go to a show; I want to be violent for a bit in a place where that is acceptable. I'd like to stop feeling like I'm failing all the time. I think I'm doing better; I think I'm working slowly through old, old problems and actually doing quite well. But I'm not sure...can't be sure until I've come through the other side.
Tris and I established that I have a very peculiar type of strength. I am not what most people would call strong or strong-willed. I am, however, stubborn as hell and amazing at just bulling forward. I get broken easily, but I can put myself back together. I make it down the river and over the waterfall to the shore I was trying to reach, but I hit every rock on the way there and come out broken, bruised, and damn near shattered.
Been feeling very brittle lately, fighting to hold myself intact. I am most grateful for friends who have helped - listened to me, held me, supported me, kicked me when I was just being dumb and self-pitying. I am tired of pitying myself. It's pointless and disgusting, in my opinion. It's one of the habits I'm trying to kick.
Some of this is as bad as when I went off of my medication back in high school and went through withdrawals for two or three months. Hopefully this will fade slowly just as it did.
Hopefully these pieces will fit back together and I can convince them to stay.
Is there such a thing as duct tape for the soul?
Bones?
"I will let you down.
I will make you hurt."
Sometimes I feel like that's all I do. I am pretty sure there's more to it, but that "more" can be hard to remember sometimes.
I haven't posted anything in a while...Not as interested in blogging. But there might be a couple of people with whom I do not speak regularly who desire to read these. Hell, maybe there's someone out there who gets some sick pleasure and/or satisfaction by reading these.
(For some reason I just remembered how one of my exes got a mutual friend to let him onto his MySpace to read my blogs, nearly all of which are friend-only after he deleted me post-breakup. Wow, the grammar in that sentence makes it nearly unintelligible.)
But I don't think anyone really cares all that much.
I want to go to a show; I want to be violent for a bit in a place where that is acceptable. I'd like to stop feeling like I'm failing all the time. I think I'm doing better; I think I'm working slowly through old, old problems and actually doing quite well. But I'm not sure...can't be sure until I've come through the other side.
Tris and I established that I have a very peculiar type of strength. I am not what most people would call strong or strong-willed. I am, however, stubborn as hell and amazing at just bulling forward. I get broken easily, but I can put myself back together. I make it down the river and over the waterfall to the shore I was trying to reach, but I hit every rock on the way there and come out broken, bruised, and damn near shattered.
Been feeling very brittle lately, fighting to hold myself intact. I am most grateful for friends who have helped - listened to me, held me, supported me, kicked me when I was just being dumb and self-pitying. I am tired of pitying myself. It's pointless and disgusting, in my opinion. It's one of the habits I'm trying to kick.
Some of this is as bad as when I went off of my medication back in high school and went through withdrawals for two or three months. Hopefully this will fade slowly just as it did.
Hopefully these pieces will fit back together and I can convince them to stay.
Is there such a thing as duct tape for the soul?
Bones?