[fic] Left out - Jonas Brothers
Title: Left Out
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Jonas Brothers
summary: Nick is feeling left out (BIG WARNING ON INCEST)
notes: I started writing this three years ago. Thought I should finish it and post it finally.
"I'm not stupid, Nick. I've known you since you were four." Maya's face was unforgiving, a heavy set frown adorning her face as she glared at her best friend. "You're in love."
"I seriously don't know what you're talking about." Nick ducked under her arm and strolled purposefully down the hallway as if to make a statement that he was not listening to her insane ideas. Nick was not in love. Not in the slightest.
"Right, you can keep on ignoring me, Nick Jonas, doesn't mean I'm going anywhere." Nick kept walking.
***
It all started a week ago. Maya and her mother had been aboard the family bus, sharing a meal with his family like they always did on tour. He hadn't eaten much, really. Just pushed around his food until he could find a way to sneak them onto Frankie's plate without him or his parents noticing. Not that they would. They were busy fawning over Kevin and his wedding. No one could care less about him.
He had glared over at Kevin. Joe, who was practically seated in Kevin's lap, got part of the glare as well though neither paid it any mind as they flipped through a magazine of suits.
It wasn't like he cared that his oldest brother was getting married to the girl of his dreams or that Joe was just as excited as Kevin about the marriage or that this whole thing was probably going to be the end of their career since everyone knew that boyband members didn't get married if they wanted to have a career.
He really didn't care at all and the only reason he was glaring was not because he felt left out and totally rejected by the two most important people in his life-- aside from Mom and Dad, of course--but because they were being noisy and Nick would like to have a quite family dinner, thank you very much.
Apparently Maya had seen his glare and had convinced her self that something was Very Wrong with her best friend and decided to talk to him about it.
Which ended up in Maya being convinced that Nick was somehow in love.
With his brothers.
It wasn't that he didn't love them. He did. In a strictly brotherly fashion. It wasn't as if he thought Kevin had a nice ass or that Joe's mouth was practically sinful. It was the truth, if he ever did think about it. Which he didn't. Really.
"You have been reading too much of that junk on the internet, Maya," Nick admonished when Maya caught him staring at Joe and Kevin as they played around on the sofa, trying to see who could catch who in a headlock.
"It's not junk, it's intellectual," Maya responded, crossing her arms. "Even the fans know that something's going on with the three of you."
"Fanfiction is not intellectual. They're fantasies that fans create in their minds about three brothers who are very much straight and very much not in love with each other."
Maya rolled her eyes. "If you really think Joe is straight, you have not been watching him as well as I had thought." A wicked grin came to her face as she added. "Or maybe love is just that blind."
"Shut up."
But no matter how much Nick protested, Maya still thought it was fun to poke at him about the issue. So much in fact that Nick was starting to notice things that he never would have noticed beforehand. The way Kevin's hands lingered on Joe's, or the way the two of them vanished for hours at a time only to rejoin the rest of the living looking flustered and wearing crooked grins that Nick knew they only used when they were up to no good. It also lead Nick to realize that he was feeling more and more left out. Maya called it jealousy. Nick called it foolishness. Because Nick wasn't jealous. Or lonely. He was just feeling...left out. They used to do everything together. And now Nick was almost always just the third wheel, unneeded. Okay, so sure Joe was annoyingly handsome and Kevin was amazingly charming and both of them were wonderfully caring and loved him unconditionally, it didn't mean that he loved them. Or that he was jealous.
He was just a brother that no one cared all that much for.
And even though she did, Nick couldn't stop thinking about it. Kevin was straight and although Joe had some...feminine qualities about him, he was still pretty much straight. He dated for a bit and Kevin was--duh--getting married. Maya was going insane. That's all there was to it. He wasn't in love with his brothers and his brothers weren't in love with each other. There was no way. Not possible.
He doesn't know what to think or say besides the 'crap, Maya was right, I so have to apologise for doubting her' when he pushes the door open to their shared hotel room to find Joe and Kevin wrapped up in each other's arms looking for the world like they had just made out for a few hours. It doesn't help his brain that the two of them were still kissing and continued to kiss even though he was sure both of them had heard him step through the door.
"You know, I could have been Mom and Dad, and then what would you have done?" Nick practically snaps at them, a frown quickly developing on his face. He'd been doing a lot of that lately. Scrowling at the two of them seemed appropriate since they obviously thought he wasn't important enough to know that all the things he'd been defending his brothers to Maya about were apparently true.
He's not quite sure why he's angry and not running out of the room like the blushing virgin that he is. Instead he's putting his bag on his bed and ignoring the gaping of his brothers as they finally pulled apart long enough to take notice of their surroundings. "Nick, we--"
"Save it Joe. I don't want to hear it." Nick doesn't like the hurt that he hears in his voice. Because he's not hurt about this. He's angry at the fact he wasn't told, but he's not hurt. Not hurt because he doesn't care. He doesn't. Doesn't care at all.
They scramble off of Kevin's bed and make for him. "Nick..." Nick rips his arm away from Kevin's outstretched hand.
"Leave me alone."
"We're not going to leave you alone if you're going to cry about it." Joe reasons and Nick's frown deepens. He wasn't crying. At least he didn't think he was until Joe mentioned it because there were definitely tears falling off his cheeks now.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong."
"Nick, Maya's been saying--"
"Shouldn't you be worrying about yourselves?" Nick cuts Kevin off. "You're getting married for fuck's sake."
Joe winces at Nick's choice of words and Kevin looks at Nick with an expression that makes Nick want to hit him. "Danelle knows."
Danelle knows. Someone who isn't him knows. An icy feeling spread through Nick's body and he knows something of it shows on his face because Joe looks at him like he's about to run away. And that's exactly what Nick does. Because that's what he should have done when he first walked in on this whole parade. Left and never come back.
He's out the door before either can stop him and the elevator is conveniently left open long enough for him to slip in before his brothers could follow.
Maya finds him two hours later at the edge of the swimming pool. It's past midnight and there's no one out there but the two of them.
"You were right." Nick is the first to speak. "And they never told me."
"Why do you think they did so?" Maya asks, her voice quiet against the gentle lapping of the water against the poolside.
Because they don't trust me. Because they hate me. "I don't know," Nick answers, staring into the watery depths. He doesn't.
"Maybe it's because they were afraid of what you would think. That you would react just like this."
"Well, if they had told me and not waited until I walk in on them..." The frustration is evident in Nick's voice. "I just wish..." What did he wish? That they had told him earlier? Would it have made a difference?
"What?" Maya prods gently.
Nick shakes his head, trying to fight off the tears. "I just wish they would have let me in too." The words are soft and Maya is silent in the wake of them, her arms coming around him in a comforting gesture and he can't help but collapse into them, allowing tears of frustration, jealousy, and heartbreak fall.
It seems like hours they stay that way, with Maya petting his hair and whispering nothings into his ear. He wishes that he could have fallen in love with her. She's sweet, caring, beautiful...
All of it dulled in comparison to the shining spotlight his heart seemed to have on Joe and Kevin.
"Maya?" Nick's body tenses at the soft whisper and Maya's arms tighten around him, keeping him steady. Keeping him from fleeing. He knows that he has to face this or it could ruin them. But he doesn't know if he's ready for this. Not when he's feeling so vulnerable. "Can you...Can you give us a moment?"
"Of course." Maya slips out of his grasp and Nick looks up into her eyes, pleading. She leans down and kisses his forehead, wiping at the tears around his eyes. "It'll be okay," she whispers into his ear and pulls away, leaving him to face his demons.
His brothers.
After the door to the pool shuts soundly behind her, Nick finds himself with an armful of crying, sobbing Joe. It's sudden and surprising. He didn't expect this, but knows he should have. Joe could never deal when Nick was angry at him.
He barely registers that Kevin is watching them, face serious and eyes red. "We love you Nick," Kevin says, barely loud enough to be heard above Joe's hysterics. "We thought...that you wouldn't love us after...after seeing that."
Nick swallows. Did he still love them? Of course he did. That was never in any question. He felt betrayed though. Left out. "You could have told me," Nick mumbles into Joe's curls. "I wouldn't have told anyone."
"We just..." Kevin takes a seat beside them, running a hand through his hair. "It's just..."
Joe moves slightly and Nick looks down at his brother's red eyes. They seem to fill his vision little by little and then...
And then Joe kisses him. Nick almost wants to cry.
Joe's lips were soft against his, gentle and unassuming. Warm. Salty with tears. Too soon, Joe pulls away, looking at Nick's expression with fear. "I...I'm sorry. I couldn't help myself. I just..." Joe starts moving away and Nick panics, his arms tightening around Joe almost painfully.
"Nick?" Joe questions, eyebrows furrowing in confusion. "I--"
Nick kisses Joe. Kisses him with all the force he could muster. He knows he's probably all sorts of clumsy and not doing it right. How could he do it right when he's never done it before? Joe whimpers and responds to Nick with vigor and Nick finds that he likes the noise. Joe's hands find his jaw and tilts Nick's face and they slot together perfectly. All thoughts leave his head except for Joe, lips, and oh, god
"Joe..." Nick whines slightly when Joe breaks off the kiss. Joe glows in the dim light, eyes shining with leftover tears. He wipes them away with a thumb and Joe purrs into his palm. "I...I don't understand." Nick looks up at Kevin for an explanation. The eldest smiles and surges forward and Nick finds himself with both his brothers in his lap and Kevin's lips on his own.
"We love you Nick." Kevin explains between kisses. "We love you so much." Nick feels like things shouldn't be this easy. There's so much more to figure out. Like why Kevin is still getting married. Why Danelle is okay with this.
Why they seem to want him as much as they want each other.
But Nick is perfectly content to learn as much as he can about kissing right now and leave the rest for later. They were brothers. It wasn't like they were going to be leaving each other anytime soon.
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Jonas Brothers
summary: Nick is feeling left out (BIG WARNING ON INCEST)
notes: I started writing this three years ago. Thought I should finish it and post it finally.
"I'm not stupid, Nick. I've known you since you were four." Maya's face was unforgiving, a heavy set frown adorning her face as she glared at her best friend. "You're in love."
"I seriously don't know what you're talking about." Nick ducked under her arm and strolled purposefully down the hallway as if to make a statement that he was not listening to her insane ideas. Nick was not in love. Not in the slightest.
"Right, you can keep on ignoring me, Nick Jonas, doesn't mean I'm going anywhere." Nick kept walking.
***
It all started a week ago. Maya and her mother had been aboard the family bus, sharing a meal with his family like they always did on tour. He hadn't eaten much, really. Just pushed around his food until he could find a way to sneak them onto Frankie's plate without him or his parents noticing. Not that they would. They were busy fawning over Kevin and his wedding. No one could care less about him.
He had glared over at Kevin. Joe, who was practically seated in Kevin's lap, got part of the glare as well though neither paid it any mind as they flipped through a magazine of suits.
It wasn't like he cared that his oldest brother was getting married to the girl of his dreams or that Joe was just as excited as Kevin about the marriage or that this whole thing was probably going to be the end of their career since everyone knew that boyband members didn't get married if they wanted to have a career.
He really didn't care at all and the only reason he was glaring was not because he felt left out and totally rejected by the two most important people in his life-- aside from Mom and Dad, of course--but because they were being noisy and Nick would like to have a quite family dinner, thank you very much.
Apparently Maya had seen his glare and had convinced her self that something was Very Wrong with her best friend and decided to talk to him about it.
Which ended up in Maya being convinced that Nick was somehow in love.
With his brothers.
It wasn't that he didn't love them. He did. In a strictly brotherly fashion. It wasn't as if he thought Kevin had a nice ass or that Joe's mouth was practically sinful. It was the truth, if he ever did think about it. Which he didn't. Really.
"You have been reading too much of that junk on the internet, Maya," Nick admonished when Maya caught him staring at Joe and Kevin as they played around on the sofa, trying to see who could catch who in a headlock.
"It's not junk, it's intellectual," Maya responded, crossing her arms. "Even the fans know that something's going on with the three of you."
"Fanfiction is not intellectual. They're fantasies that fans create in their minds about three brothers who are very much straight and very much not in love with each other."
Maya rolled her eyes. "If you really think Joe is straight, you have not been watching him as well as I had thought." A wicked grin came to her face as she added. "Or maybe love is just that blind."
"Shut up."
But no matter how much Nick protested, Maya still thought it was fun to poke at him about the issue. So much in fact that Nick was starting to notice things that he never would have noticed beforehand. The way Kevin's hands lingered on Joe's, or the way the two of them vanished for hours at a time only to rejoin the rest of the living looking flustered and wearing crooked grins that Nick knew they only used when they were up to no good. It also lead Nick to realize that he was feeling more and more left out. Maya called it jealousy. Nick called it foolishness. Because Nick wasn't jealous. Or lonely. He was just feeling...left out. They used to do everything together. And now Nick was almost always just the third wheel, unneeded. Okay, so sure Joe was annoyingly handsome and Kevin was amazingly charming and both of them were wonderfully caring and loved him unconditionally, it didn't mean that he loved them. Or that he was jealous.
He was just a brother that no one cared all that much for.
And even though she did, Nick couldn't stop thinking about it. Kevin was straight and although Joe had some...feminine qualities about him, he was still pretty much straight. He dated for a bit and Kevin was--duh--getting married. Maya was going insane. That's all there was to it. He wasn't in love with his brothers and his brothers weren't in love with each other. There was no way. Not possible.
He doesn't know what to think or say besides the 'crap, Maya was right, I so have to apologise for doubting her' when he pushes the door open to their shared hotel room to find Joe and Kevin wrapped up in each other's arms looking for the world like they had just made out for a few hours. It doesn't help his brain that the two of them were still kissing and continued to kiss even though he was sure both of them had heard him step through the door.
"You know, I could have been Mom and Dad, and then what would you have done?" Nick practically snaps at them, a frown quickly developing on his face. He'd been doing a lot of that lately. Scrowling at the two of them seemed appropriate since they obviously thought he wasn't important enough to know that all the things he'd been defending his brothers to Maya about were apparently true.
He's not quite sure why he's angry and not running out of the room like the blushing virgin that he is. Instead he's putting his bag on his bed and ignoring the gaping of his brothers as they finally pulled apart long enough to take notice of their surroundings. "Nick, we--"
"Save it Joe. I don't want to hear it." Nick doesn't like the hurt that he hears in his voice. Because he's not hurt about this. He's angry at the fact he wasn't told, but he's not hurt. Not hurt because he doesn't care. He doesn't. Doesn't care at all.
They scramble off of Kevin's bed and make for him. "Nick..." Nick rips his arm away from Kevin's outstretched hand.
"Leave me alone."
"We're not going to leave you alone if you're going to cry about it." Joe reasons and Nick's frown deepens. He wasn't crying. At least he didn't think he was until Joe mentioned it because there were definitely tears falling off his cheeks now.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong."
"Nick, Maya's been saying--"
"Shouldn't you be worrying about yourselves?" Nick cuts Kevin off. "You're getting married for fuck's sake."
Joe winces at Nick's choice of words and Kevin looks at Nick with an expression that makes Nick want to hit him. "Danelle knows."
Danelle knows. Someone who isn't him knows. An icy feeling spread through Nick's body and he knows something of it shows on his face because Joe looks at him like he's about to run away. And that's exactly what Nick does. Because that's what he should have done when he first walked in on this whole parade. Left and never come back.
He's out the door before either can stop him and the elevator is conveniently left open long enough for him to slip in before his brothers could follow.
Maya finds him two hours later at the edge of the swimming pool. It's past midnight and there's no one out there but the two of them.
"You were right." Nick is the first to speak. "And they never told me."
"Why do you think they did so?" Maya asks, her voice quiet against the gentle lapping of the water against the poolside.
Because they don't trust me. Because they hate me. "I don't know," Nick answers, staring into the watery depths. He doesn't.
"Maybe it's because they were afraid of what you would think. That you would react just like this."
"Well, if they had told me and not waited until I walk in on them..." The frustration is evident in Nick's voice. "I just wish..." What did he wish? That they had told him earlier? Would it have made a difference?
"What?" Maya prods gently.
Nick shakes his head, trying to fight off the tears. "I just wish they would have let me in too." The words are soft and Maya is silent in the wake of them, her arms coming around him in a comforting gesture and he can't help but collapse into them, allowing tears of frustration, jealousy, and heartbreak fall.
It seems like hours they stay that way, with Maya petting his hair and whispering nothings into his ear. He wishes that he could have fallen in love with her. She's sweet, caring, beautiful...
All of it dulled in comparison to the shining spotlight his heart seemed to have on Joe and Kevin.
"Maya?" Nick's body tenses at the soft whisper and Maya's arms tighten around him, keeping him steady. Keeping him from fleeing. He knows that he has to face this or it could ruin them. But he doesn't know if he's ready for this. Not when he's feeling so vulnerable. "Can you...Can you give us a moment?"
"Of course." Maya slips out of his grasp and Nick looks up into her eyes, pleading. She leans down and kisses his forehead, wiping at the tears around his eyes. "It'll be okay," she whispers into his ear and pulls away, leaving him to face his demons.
His brothers.
After the door to the pool shuts soundly behind her, Nick finds himself with an armful of crying, sobbing Joe. It's sudden and surprising. He didn't expect this, but knows he should have. Joe could never deal when Nick was angry at him.
He barely registers that Kevin is watching them, face serious and eyes red. "We love you Nick," Kevin says, barely loud enough to be heard above Joe's hysterics. "We thought...that you wouldn't love us after...after seeing that."
Nick swallows. Did he still love them? Of course he did. That was never in any question. He felt betrayed though. Left out. "You could have told me," Nick mumbles into Joe's curls. "I wouldn't have told anyone."
"We just..." Kevin takes a seat beside them, running a hand through his hair. "It's just..."
Joe moves slightly and Nick looks down at his brother's red eyes. They seem to fill his vision little by little and then...
And then Joe kisses him. Nick almost wants to cry.
Joe's lips were soft against his, gentle and unassuming. Warm. Salty with tears. Too soon, Joe pulls away, looking at Nick's expression with fear. "I...I'm sorry. I couldn't help myself. I just..." Joe starts moving away and Nick panics, his arms tightening around Joe almost painfully.
"Nick?" Joe questions, eyebrows furrowing in confusion. "I--"
Nick kisses Joe. Kisses him with all the force he could muster. He knows he's probably all sorts of clumsy and not doing it right. How could he do it right when he's never done it before? Joe whimpers and responds to Nick with vigor and Nick finds that he likes the noise. Joe's hands find his jaw and tilts Nick's face and they slot together perfectly. All thoughts leave his head except for Joe, lips, and oh, god
"Joe..." Nick whines slightly when Joe breaks off the kiss. Joe glows in the dim light, eyes shining with leftover tears. He wipes them away with a thumb and Joe purrs into his palm. "I...I don't understand." Nick looks up at Kevin for an explanation. The eldest smiles and surges forward and Nick finds himself with both his brothers in his lap and Kevin's lips on his own.
"We love you Nick." Kevin explains between kisses. "We love you so much." Nick feels like things shouldn't be this easy. There's so much more to figure out. Like why Kevin is still getting married. Why Danelle is okay with this.
Why they seem to want him as much as they want each other.
But Nick is perfectly content to learn as much as he can about kissing right now and leave the rest for later. They were brothers. It wasn't like they were going to be leaving each other anytime soon.