[fic] Wish - SuJu
Title: Wish
Rating: PG
Pairing: It's I will PV!Verse. Guess.
Summary: Hangeng watches them and wishes. Angsty.
Notes: Wow. Where did this come from?
"Shiwon-sshi!" She calls out and my heart aches. Her smile and his, so pure and innocent and I feel as if I have no right to be among them. My feelings. My soul. Darker than their light. Why they allow me to be beside them, I will never understand.
I loved her, when I was a child. Before Shiwon leaned against the wall beside us and demanded his presence be noted.
And it was. By both of us; Shiwon so easily brought into the circle of our love. And now I was being selfish. Wanting love to belong to only me when there was another to be considered.
I know he loves her. It's obvious. He is nothing like me; every expression is so easily readable on his face.
She loves both of us equally and unconditionally. I wish I could do the same.
They laugh together and I sit on the side watching and smiling softly, pretending to enjoy their company when all I can feel is intense jealousy.
"Geng?" She calls my name, sweetly in her soft manner that made me love her all those years ago. "Are you okay? You've been awfully quiet..."
I smile at her tenderly, trying not to wince when Shiwon stands up and envelopes me into a tight hug.
"I'm fine. I really am." I try to sooth away their worries, knowing that Shiwon would probably persist later when she's not there. He never did anything to worry her, considerate of her wellbeing above anything else, especially mine. I didn't mind. I am man, quite capable of taking care of myself. She is delicate and needed us just like we needed her.
It's only when they are gone, separated by night and walls and dorms. When she has gone back to the women's rooms and Shiwon back to his. When I'm all alone in the dark that tears finally fell and the selfishness that I felt in the day is laid out in front of the sleeping world and it's twinkling night lights.
When I can admit that I am in love with my best friend. When I can admit that I wish for the days before Shiwon, before I felt this pain.
Before, when I was in love with her and not him.