The Farm...
It broke my heart to move away from my beloved farm. They kicked us out just so they could move other people in for more money. It was a good thing but at the same time it broke my heart to pieces. I love that place. It is so beautiful with its views of lush green mountains, rolling farmland(40 acres) and wildlife. I had every animal imaginable...geese, a blue heron, squirrels, groundhogs, a variety of birds, mice, foxes, deer and there were snakes Im sure but I never saw one plus they ate the mice. The only time that I ever saw a mouse was when we(my ex and I) discovered a drowned one that had gone through the wash machine....disgusting.
I had so many good times there, yet so many bad times as well. It was my first place I ever lived on my own with no one helping me at all. My parents have helped me with big stuff but this was all on me. Shortly after I was promoted and given a raise at the health food store and I made more money. It was awesome cuz I could afford stuff and still try to save a little. I kept the money in a box under a hat I stole from a rock star that I knows tour bus. The first night I moved in there the ex and I did mushrooms...a totally bad idea. We wont go there...Anywho, my time there was limited and I knew it but I honestly thought Id be there longer. I never thought it would sell to assholes who didnt deserve the place.
The day I moved was a total nightmare. Justin helped me move while stupid asshole did nothing even though my boyfriend help him load MY truck that I got he didnt even help load any of my stuff. When Justin confronted him about it he said "You didn't ask" But I guarantee you if we asked he would of said he couldn't because he had to pack his stuff or something...I worked my tail off that day and so did Justin. I was so sore and tired and in so much pain during those 5 days I moved. I was heartbroken, stressed, sore, pissed off and grieving the loss of the farm. On one occcasion I went into my room when my ex thought that I had left and caught him standing in there looking for his porn magazines which I had but hid them from him and took them with me because I knew that was the only thing I could use against him. I got mad and he said Well were moving out, theres nothing I want to take from you. I think maybe he was remembering everythings that happened in that room with not just me but other people as well...that room had a lot of different things happen to it. Which leads me to my story....
Today I broke a law. I trespassed on the farm after almost a year of not seeing it. I couldnt take it anymore.After 6 months of leaving, the farm is now sitting empty. There was a For Rent sign out front but it isnt there anymore.As of now no one is in there. The people who moved in after us must have left pretty quickly. It breaks my heart.But I Went there while the sun was going down, trekked through the woods and farmland and got to my destination. What I saw was sad. The house was completely empty but clean. All the trash I had left behind was gone and the house was spotless from what I could tell. I walked around to the back where my room was and placed my crystals there underneath the window. It was so sad to see the farm abandoned. It finally dawned on me that I never really had closure with the place...I felt bad since I left a huge bag of trash and some other things laying around when I moved out but I never really got a chance to say goodbye alone. I read in one of my crystal books to put stones in places that you want to remember and connect with. I have been having the urge to put crystals there so I did as mentioned above I put two quartz stones underneath the window I used to love looking out of and remembering a bird fight I once saw out the window.
I felt closure though. My stones are there and I will always remember the place but I think placing the stones will help me detach. Im still so attached to the place. It feels like a part of me for some reason. I miss it so much. Id do anything to live there. I have grand ideas of the place. But I guess its just not meant to be. The stones will be there forever and so will a piece of my heart. Maybe one day it will be mine but for now it will live on in my heart until the day I return.
I had so many good times there, yet so many bad times as well. It was my first place I ever lived on my own with no one helping me at all. My parents have helped me with big stuff but this was all on me. Shortly after I was promoted and given a raise at the health food store and I made more money. It was awesome cuz I could afford stuff and still try to save a little. I kept the money in a box under a hat I stole from a rock star that I knows tour bus. The first night I moved in there the ex and I did mushrooms...a totally bad idea. We wont go there...Anywho, my time there was limited and I knew it but I honestly thought Id be there longer. I never thought it would sell to assholes who didnt deserve the place.
The day I moved was a total nightmare. Justin helped me move while stupid asshole did nothing even though my boyfriend help him load MY truck that I got he didnt even help load any of my stuff. When Justin confronted him about it he said "You didn't ask" But I guarantee you if we asked he would of said he couldn't because he had to pack his stuff or something...I worked my tail off that day and so did Justin. I was so sore and tired and in so much pain during those 5 days I moved. I was heartbroken, stressed, sore, pissed off and grieving the loss of the farm. On one occcasion I went into my room when my ex thought that I had left and caught him standing in there looking for his porn magazines which I had but hid them from him and took them with me because I knew that was the only thing I could use against him. I got mad and he said Well were moving out, theres nothing I want to take from you. I think maybe he was remembering everythings that happened in that room with not just me but other people as well...that room had a lot of different things happen to it. Which leads me to my story....
Today I broke a law. I trespassed on the farm after almost a year of not seeing it. I couldnt take it anymore.After 6 months of leaving, the farm is now sitting empty. There was a For Rent sign out front but it isnt there anymore.As of now no one is in there. The people who moved in after us must have left pretty quickly. It breaks my heart.But I Went there while the sun was going down, trekked through the woods and farmland and got to my destination. What I saw was sad. The house was completely empty but clean. All the trash I had left behind was gone and the house was spotless from what I could tell. I walked around to the back where my room was and placed my crystals there underneath the window. It was so sad to see the farm abandoned. It finally dawned on me that I never really had closure with the place...I felt bad since I left a huge bag of trash and some other things laying around when I moved out but I never really got a chance to say goodbye alone. I read in one of my crystal books to put stones in places that you want to remember and connect with. I have been having the urge to put crystals there so I did as mentioned above I put two quartz stones underneath the window I used to love looking out of and remembering a bird fight I once saw out the window.
I felt closure though. My stones are there and I will always remember the place but I think placing the stones will help me detach. Im still so attached to the place. It feels like a part of me for some reason. I miss it so much. Id do anything to live there. I have grand ideas of the place. But I guess its just not meant to be. The stones will be there forever and so will a piece of my heart. Maybe one day it will be mine but for now it will live on in my heart until the day I return.