(no subject)

[nworbyllil]

four weeks from today and i leave this house, this city, this life forever. i know i spent most of my time here complaining or wishing i was somewhere else, anywhere else, but im still feeling a bit torn. caitlin leaves on sunday and then thats it. my life as i have grown to know it is over. forever. no more weekends at caitlins house, watching fifty first dates everytime we got the chance. no more smoking breaks filled with rants from itchy bug bites to why life is so god damn hard. no more good reasons to be depressed, to not leave the house, to not get out of bed. its like the end of an era, and it fucking scares me. when i left i knew that in six months or a year when i came home everything would still be there. my life was just on hold for a few months, and i wasn't really losing anything except time. its different now. what is coming to a close here is something that can never be revisited. the harsh finality of it makes it like a bad dream where everything is moving too fast and all you can do is watch the time pass. watch the days slip away into the world of memories. the future is inevitable, its something i know ive got to accept. but that doesnt mean i dont dread it.

ps i am for sures coming home on the fifth. no more changes