My life so far...
After reading through my friend Dre's latest entry about his life I guess you could say I got inspired to do something similar.
I dunno how many people read my LJ anymore but I do like to write some of these things down for my own benefit. Please leave comments though, I at least enjoy knowing what you may think about my ramblings.
So it looks like the last serious post I had was way back around June since it mentioned my 24th birthday. I guess I can start around there.
It's been over 2 years working at the bank. I've been promoted actually. Just to Head Teller but I've never been promoted before. The pay increase wasn't that large at all which kinda sucks, but what can you do? Maybe I'll just keep bitching for more raises until they say yes.
I does feel cool to move up in the world. Still not sure if I want to do this for the rest of my life, but for now it works out well. I might just wake up one day and realize this might not be for me and then decide on going back to school or something.
Social life?
I'm sad to say it isn't great at all.
I mean I still have my friends and do spend time with them when I can but it isn't as often as I'd like. I honestly go to work and then come home and spend the rest of my time online in some form or the other. It used to be I'd just go over to their place whenever I was out. Isn't quite the same these days.
Sometimes I feel like moving to Pittsfield just because I might have a better social life over there with people. Then again, that isn't a guarantee and packing up and moving there just for a social life seems a little excessive I think.
This leads me to another point I've noticed a lot in my life. I can't keep people in my life.
With the exception of a few people I don't talk to anybody I went to high school or even college anymore. Again, not all, but a huge majority. I wonder if any of them miss me at all or even care.
Not to sound emo about it or anything. I do feel bad about it. I'm still not great socially so it's not like I did much to keep them around. Just makes me feel like I'll someday lose all my close friends too early in my life. I need people in my life.
I do have some close friends still, some closer than others, but I just wish I could hang out with them on a more regular basis.
Maybe I'm just living in some pipe dream of reliving my "glory days" of seeing my friends on a weekly basis and having fun adventures.
I guess I just don't want to come across as a social loser who likes to be aloof. I really don't. Sure I love my video games but I give them up for human interaction any day. That's probably the reason I only made it Level 64 in WoW back when I played.
I mentioned my birthday above. I tend to get jealous when other people have birthdays. Mine stopped getting good when I turned 21. I'm forever sad when I see my friends turn 21. It isn't like I'm happy for them, because I am, it's just in the back of my head I look around them and see all their friends stoked for them finally being 21 and all coming out to have a great (drunken) time together, and just remembering how mine wasn't like that at all.
I went to Crossgates that day and say a couple good friends (which was great, but honestly that wasn't much different than most days) and then bought alcohol at the end of the night and drank by myself in my room. I spent time with maybe 4 people I think.
I don't mean to come across that I didn't like their company it's just...not what I expected I guess. I just see people I know who get to be surrounded by mostly everybody they know and all coming out for them.
I'm just going to throw out a warning now that I might start to really bitch in the next few paragraphs. Man, I'm really complaining a lot in this entry. I feel bad about it.
It's just that I sometimes get the feeling that few people care a lot about my life. There are a few who do and like to stay in touch with me which is great and I love that, but I just feel like a lot of the people I know aren't really impacted by me.
I don't mean to come across as selfish and that everybody should be grateful for having me in their lives, but just that I know I do occupy a space for them.
It's funny how I connect real well with my friends in Pittsfield. They honestly don't believe me when I tell them I'm shy. I didn't believe them at first, but looking back they know me as being outgoing and spontaneous and haven't really seen my bashful and timid side.
Does suck I live an hour from them and driving back at night from there sucks (I don't want to hit any deer and back roads at night are kinda scary for me). Though it does have the benefit that they see how much I enjoy spending time with them since I make the drive down there to see them.
I guess I just miss having a social life is all. To put it simply. tl;dr I want to spend more time with people, but am too stupid to figure out how.
I'll admit it, I'm responsible for it. I could easily open up opportunities myself and attempt to organize something. Socially inept or not I could do something.
Maybe this is what it means to get older? I don't want to accept that at all. I'm too young to feel this way.
I'm at least hopeful it will improve over time. I just need to be patient I guess. Gotta stay positive.
(wow, I have a lot of emo posts. Q_Q dude)
I dunno how many people read my LJ anymore but I do like to write some of these things down for my own benefit. Please leave comments though, I at least enjoy knowing what you may think about my ramblings.
So it looks like the last serious post I had was way back around June since it mentioned my 24th birthday. I guess I can start around there.
It's been over 2 years working at the bank. I've been promoted actually. Just to Head Teller but I've never been promoted before. The pay increase wasn't that large at all which kinda sucks, but what can you do? Maybe I'll just keep bitching for more raises until they say yes.
I does feel cool to move up in the world. Still not sure if I want to do this for the rest of my life, but for now it works out well. I might just wake up one day and realize this might not be for me and then decide on going back to school or something.
Social life?
I'm sad to say it isn't great at all.
I mean I still have my friends and do spend time with them when I can but it isn't as often as I'd like. I honestly go to work and then come home and spend the rest of my time online in some form or the other. It used to be I'd just go over to their place whenever I was out. Isn't quite the same these days.
Sometimes I feel like moving to Pittsfield just because I might have a better social life over there with people. Then again, that isn't a guarantee and packing up and moving there just for a social life seems a little excessive I think.
This leads me to another point I've noticed a lot in my life. I can't keep people in my life.
With the exception of a few people I don't talk to anybody I went to high school or even college anymore. Again, not all, but a huge majority. I wonder if any of them miss me at all or even care.
Not to sound emo about it or anything. I do feel bad about it. I'm still not great socially so it's not like I did much to keep them around. Just makes me feel like I'll someday lose all my close friends too early in my life. I need people in my life.
I do have some close friends still, some closer than others, but I just wish I could hang out with them on a more regular basis.
Maybe I'm just living in some pipe dream of reliving my "glory days" of seeing my friends on a weekly basis and having fun adventures.
I guess I just don't want to come across as a social loser who likes to be aloof. I really don't. Sure I love my video games but I give them up for human interaction any day. That's probably the reason I only made it Level 64 in WoW back when I played.
I mentioned my birthday above. I tend to get jealous when other people have birthdays. Mine stopped getting good when I turned 21. I'm forever sad when I see my friends turn 21. It isn't like I'm happy for them, because I am, it's just in the back of my head I look around them and see all their friends stoked for them finally being 21 and all coming out to have a great (drunken) time together, and just remembering how mine wasn't like that at all.
I went to Crossgates that day and say a couple good friends (which was great, but honestly that wasn't much different than most days) and then bought alcohol at the end of the night and drank by myself in my room. I spent time with maybe 4 people I think.
I don't mean to come across that I didn't like their company it's just...not what I expected I guess. I just see people I know who get to be surrounded by mostly everybody they know and all coming out for them.
I'm just going to throw out a warning now that I might start to really bitch in the next few paragraphs. Man, I'm really complaining a lot in this entry. I feel bad about it.
It's just that I sometimes get the feeling that few people care a lot about my life. There are a few who do and like to stay in touch with me which is great and I love that, but I just feel like a lot of the people I know aren't really impacted by me.
I don't mean to come across as selfish and that everybody should be grateful for having me in their lives, but just that I know I do occupy a space for them.
It's funny how I connect real well with my friends in Pittsfield. They honestly don't believe me when I tell them I'm shy. I didn't believe them at first, but looking back they know me as being outgoing and spontaneous and haven't really seen my bashful and timid side.
Does suck I live an hour from them and driving back at night from there sucks (I don't want to hit any deer and back roads at night are kinda scary for me). Though it does have the benefit that they see how much I enjoy spending time with them since I make the drive down there to see them.
I guess I just miss having a social life is all. To put it simply. tl;dr I want to spend more time with people, but am too stupid to figure out how.
I'll admit it, I'm responsible for it. I could easily open up opportunities myself and attempt to organize something. Socially inept or not I could do something.
Maybe this is what it means to get older? I don't want to accept that at all. I'm too young to feel this way.
I'm at least hopeful it will improve over time. I just need to be patient I guess. Gotta stay positive.
(wow, I have a lot of emo posts. Q_Q dude)