I Dont Wanna Be Here...
I cant stand this..im was so happy and now im back in this ugly place i havent been in, in about 2 yrs. It just happened..i was strong, i was standin up to guys, i was being the bigger person and if something happened i was the 1st one to say fuck it and get out of it. I feel so weak i dont know what happened.. Will has been gone, and i was ok with it..we were the best of friends, talking almost everyday about everything...until he told me he had been seeing someone but he didnt feel like being with someone else so he broke up with her..at 1st i was ok with it, specially cuz he had broken up with her..but then we got to talkin and realized that this thing he were holding on to wasnt going anywhere..and i was the 1st one to say it, and now i regret it...im so scared, he was the only guy i could actually say i loved besides my 1st love..and he told me he loved me again last night for the last time and it hit me so hard, im so sad..he will probably go back with her and i will have to live with it because im so far and ide rather be his friend than not talk to him at all...
And besides that everything else is just so gloomy in my life..nothing is exciting..sam has a boyfriend now so i dont have someone to chill with everyday..its like our friendship is slowly goin away..i love her to death and i kno shell be like a sister to me forever but i just wish she was here for me at times like these..
I got a new cell phone and its like i dont..i leave it in my room and dont bother to look at it..all i do is listen to music that i kno is making things worse...maybe i feel this way because im alone most of the time..i dont have my sisters to talk to cuz they both moved away and my moms at school everynight now so i dont get to see her and besides that i work 6 days a week so all i do is go to school which is buddha..and then work.which is alright i like the environment and then i come home and lay down n think.
I need someone to spend my time with..i need someone to talk to about my day and to tell about my problems..someone whos gonna hold me tight and kiss my forehead and tell me they never wanna move..someone like will....
i just wanna have a boyfriend whos gonna make me genuwinely happy and whos not gonna play bullshit games..
....i guess ill just keep dreaming....wills already gone.