Sadness and Realization
I just realized what a complete dork I am.... I write random-ass shit on here and then just post it and forget about it since this is just my place to vent, and I was reading some older posts and I am such a dork and I feel retarded for some of the stupid things I have said, but, oh-well... I can't change that, now can I? Everybody's out drinking and the kids are asleep and I have NOTHING TO DO!!!! I feel really sick, too. I had the WORST day I have had in a long time. I went to school feeling terribly sick and after I argued with my sister all morning and then I had to wear her clothes (mine were wet from the rain the day before) and didn't even attempt to make myself look like a normal human being (which takes a while for me) so i looked like shit and I felt like shit (the usual, only worse) and then Ms. Treworgy told me that you couldn't wear hoods and I don't know why but that set it all off and I just let it all out and started crying in the middle of homeroom. Besides on the Anniversary of my dads death, that is the only day I have ever cried at school. I try so hard to hide my real emotions and make people think that I am happy and then one thing goes wrong and it all blows up in my face.
I am trying to deside weather or not I should tell somebody something. Everybody's telling me I should, but then I was talking with Rachel about it, and she said that Its hard and takes a really special and willing person to not be different when they find out you like them. I know that she is a very special and wonderful person, but i highly doubt she would even care at all to even attempt to be the same if I told her. I don't know, I wrote a letter to her today and I am deciding weather or not to give it to her. It would be a good time since I wouldn't be so weird since I have a whole week to get over it all. but, then again, I could just wait untill hte last day of school, when I most likely won't ever see her again [[sad thought...]]. But, whatever. Things seem to be going just fine so Im not going to take any chances, I dont want to fuck it all up.
I am trying to deside weather or not I should tell somebody something. Everybody's telling me I should, but then I was talking with Rachel about it, and she said that Its hard and takes a really special and willing person to not be different when they find out you like them. I know that she is a very special and wonderful person, but i highly doubt she would even care at all to even attempt to be the same if I told her. I don't know, I wrote a letter to her today and I am deciding weather or not to give it to her. It would be a good time since I wouldn't be so weird since I have a whole week to get over it all. but, then again, I could just wait untill hte last day of school, when I most likely won't ever see her again [[sad thought...]]. But, whatever. Things seem to be going just fine so Im not going to take any chances, I dont want to fuck it all up.