Death?
I think what's gotten me by this far, what has been part of that extra strength I needed - has been my belief. My belief that they are never gone, that I'm being guided by their whispers and their guidance that randomly pops in my mind when I'm walking through my experiences. Today I planted a seed of doubt. What if they're really gone? What if all my dreams are not them but my own subconscious?
I think I'm going to exterminate that seed and let it evaporate, dissipate, become non existent.
Part of me knows that's what gets me by, what has been getting me by. But the other part of me, if I let it, knows that it's them. The part of me that follows my instinct.
I feel like when my father's body passed away, a piece of his soul added onto my own. Same with Jess. I aspire to be like them.
I feel like there are two ways I can go about grief. Positive vs. negative. I know Dad would want me to better myself, follow my dreams, take charge of my life. So that's what I'm going to do. That's what I've already started to do. There are outside forces and views that sometimes sound like the logical realistic way to go about things - but I was never a realist. I was never one to add 1 and 1 to make 2. I'd rather dream up the possibility of the result someway, somehow equaling to 3.
Maybe that's what I need to do with Mom. Maybe if I keep believing it will all end up okay, she will too.
I'm gonna be something someday. Someone that will inspire others. Someone that can guide others. Someone that can change lives for the better.
One day.
I think I'm going to exterminate that seed and let it evaporate, dissipate, become non existent.
Part of me knows that's what gets me by, what has been getting me by. But the other part of me, if I let it, knows that it's them. The part of me that follows my instinct.
I feel like when my father's body passed away, a piece of his soul added onto my own. Same with Jess. I aspire to be like them.
I feel like there are two ways I can go about grief. Positive vs. negative. I know Dad would want me to better myself, follow my dreams, take charge of my life. So that's what I'm going to do. That's what I've already started to do. There are outside forces and views that sometimes sound like the logical realistic way to go about things - but I was never a realist. I was never one to add 1 and 1 to make 2. I'd rather dream up the possibility of the result someway, somehow equaling to 3.
Maybe that's what I need to do with Mom. Maybe if I keep believing it will all end up okay, she will too.
I'm gonna be something someday. Someone that will inspire others. Someone that can guide others. Someone that can change lives for the better.
One day.