Disasters in Copywriting, fragrance edition
So here's the blurb on the upcoming True Religion for Men cologne:
"Introducing “the fragrance for the senses” True Religion for Men. A modern timeless fougère that breaks all the rules with a surprising citrus and herbal aromatic introduction. Moss and patchouli provide a darkly rugged feel with a vintage vibe. A masculine brew that demands attention. Fougère: the essential masculine structure. Never out of style the classic elegance of the fougère continues to evoke pure masculinity, combining classic perfumery ingredients with modern accents. Aligns perfectly with the character of True Religion. A timeless classic creation needs no explanation and is unapologetically easy."
This is wrong in so many different ways i'm not sure I can keep track of them. Just off the top of my head.
- It's modern! No, it's timeless! No... it's vintage! It's classic! No...it's classic with modern accents! It's a timeless classic!
- "the fragrance for the senses." Huh? Like... the sense of SMELL? Like every other fragrance out there? Or does it taste delicious too? Can I use it like rose's lime juice in my mixed drinks? Maybe it's a wonderful massage oil? If I put my ear next to it and slosh it around, can I hear women moaning in the throes of passion or something? If I wear it, do I no longer need glasses to enjoy 3D IMAX?
- It's a timeless fougere, but it breaks all the rules! (also, note, the fragrance pyramid in no way, shape, or form, breaks the rules of the fougere style of men's fragrance.)
- It's a masculine fragrance. Did we mention it's masculine? It evokes masculinity with it's masculine masculin-y-ness.
- Not to mention the terrible, terrible last sentence. Your timeless classic creation / that needs to explanation? ("Okay, here's the situation / your parents went away on a two-week vacation") This copy is mental masturbation with signs of retardation.
Argh. Just.... argh.
"Introducing “the fragrance for the senses” True Religion for Men. A modern timeless fougère that breaks all the rules with a surprising citrus and herbal aromatic introduction. Moss and patchouli provide a darkly rugged feel with a vintage vibe. A masculine brew that demands attention. Fougère: the essential masculine structure. Never out of style the classic elegance of the fougère continues to evoke pure masculinity, combining classic perfumery ingredients with modern accents. Aligns perfectly with the character of True Religion. A timeless classic creation needs no explanation and is unapologetically easy."
This is wrong in so many different ways i'm not sure I can keep track of them. Just off the top of my head.
- It's modern! No, it's timeless! No... it's vintage! It's classic! No...it's classic with modern accents! It's a timeless classic!
- "the fragrance for the senses." Huh? Like... the sense of SMELL? Like every other fragrance out there? Or does it taste delicious too? Can I use it like rose's lime juice in my mixed drinks? Maybe it's a wonderful massage oil? If I put my ear next to it and slosh it around, can I hear women moaning in the throes of passion or something? If I wear it, do I no longer need glasses to enjoy 3D IMAX?
- It's a timeless fougere, but it breaks all the rules! (also, note, the fragrance pyramid in no way, shape, or form, breaks the rules of the fougere style of men's fragrance.)
- It's a masculine fragrance. Did we mention it's masculine? It evokes masculinity with it's masculine masculin-y-ness.
- Not to mention the terrible, terrible last sentence. Your timeless classic creation / that needs to explanation? ("Okay, here's the situation / your parents went away on a two-week vacation") This copy is mental masturbation with signs of retardation.
Argh. Just.... argh.