(no subject)
I don't think anyone reads this anymore. So I feel like I can write here.
I love someone. More than anything I've ever felt before. But there's confusion thrown all around. She wanted something for me, and at first I thought I couldn't give it to her, now I know I'm willing to try, but I don't think she wants that anymore. I think I fucked up already. I don't know how I can always easily fuck up. But I felt for her what I felt. Maybe I made the mistake of telling her. I thought it would be okay this time. But I don't know. I don't want her out of my life. And I miss everything, how it used to be, it doesn't have to be like how it was when we dated. It's hard...but I liked her even before we dated, I liked her as a friend and then as something more. But I have a feeling I just lost even the friendship. I don't want this. I feel like my apologies mean nothing to her. Like saying "I'm sorry" just isn't good enough. I don't want to make her feel guilty. All I want now is answers to what she wants. But I know, this is going to crash and burn too. I'm sure she will take it as a guilt trip. I don't want this!!!! I don't want this confusion. It's just I feel like she just hates me now. Like she can't stand me. All I want is answers to now, not to then. To now.
kristy
I love someone. More than anything I've ever felt before. But there's confusion thrown all around. She wanted something for me, and at first I thought I couldn't give it to her, now I know I'm willing to try, but I don't think she wants that anymore. I think I fucked up already. I don't know how I can always easily fuck up. But I felt for her what I felt. Maybe I made the mistake of telling her. I thought it would be okay this time. But I don't know. I don't want her out of my life. And I miss everything, how it used to be, it doesn't have to be like how it was when we dated. It's hard...but I liked her even before we dated, I liked her as a friend and then as something more. But I have a feeling I just lost even the friendship. I don't want this. I feel like my apologies mean nothing to her. Like saying "I'm sorry" just isn't good enough. I don't want to make her feel guilty. All I want now is answers to what she wants. But I know, this is going to crash and burn too. I'm sure she will take it as a guilt trip. I don't want this!!!! I don't want this confusion. It's just I feel like she just hates me now. Like she can't stand me. All I want is answers to now, not to then. To now.
kristy