spotted for sure......
If I did have a choice I would never want to live forever, just give me a voice so I can make my points. I can't imagine running a race that has no finish line, just let me keep my pace and make the most of my time. I love giving but im bad at receving, the truth is I prefer to be the one bleeding. But im a paranoid that stays between play and work, cautiouse and aware cause im scared of being hurt. which brings me to the issue how often must I ask myself why I exist... I feel like this world is a circus, just trying to find myself as well as my purpose. AND IF I WAS YOURS I WOULD FIGHT FOR OUR CAUSE AND WOULDN'T EXPECT ANYTHING IN RETURN, ID GIVE YOU EVERYTHING YOU WANT AND BE EVERYTHING YOU NEED AND YOU COULD TAKE MY HAND AND I WOULD TAKE THE LEAD.... but im not a rich man I cannot give you what you want, and i am not a smart man i cant see the difference between right and wrong. maybe i just need someone to save me from the parts of myself that keep making me crazy... what can I say this is who I am and I am dying inside.I loved you don't ever fucking question that which is why we'll prolly never get along. If i was better at finding the right words to say i would never have had to write this. what do i do now.... i have no heart, i have never been so sad and angry as tonight, all I can think as I have never met anyone like her and everytime i think about her i just want to bleed myself to death.... how do I kill this please I see her face everytime I close my eyes and sometimes shes still there when I open them. I see her everywhere but shes never really there. where is my new escape? im out of drugs to try, i feel like i have bled all my blood, can it be real is this my life will I never see her real face again if I did would i believe it? can I trust these eyes what would I do if one morning she was real would I try explaining myself to her or would I revert and hate her for ever leaving me and dissbeliving me. are these the diarys of a mad man, or is this normal, or am i just so special that im crazy because no one is like me? is this my test is this where I figure it all out again like always and move on and become enlightened I don't think so its all I can do to keep myself at this keyboard trying to hold it tohether thinking that it will get better the more that I say like it use too so often, but the tears aren't letting up and I don't know what to believe. what am i suppose to do? what am I suppose to do?
what am I suppose to do?
what am I suppose to do ?
What am I suppose to do?
no one knows, no one helps me no one eases my pain except for eher and everytime I trhink of he I don't want to be able to think anymore.... I want to carve out my brain and feed it to myself.. I miss shane... he could tell me what to do he would help me, but he killed himself so what dose that show. luke make me feel better but hes just waiting till he dies so he can be at peace and some how he finds comfort in knowing that some day it will all be over but he just looks the other way to avoid the pain now until his time comes. craig finds such intense pain in life that he refuses to live on miniute of waking life sober so as to block out all of lifes absurdities. so where do my answers lay? ignoring life exists and life a pretend life. use medication to hinder my perception of life to where everything is perfect, or just end it now and stomp out my oun life....I guess this is the time where I have to go look for myself even thow i know where im going to end up, sprawled out on the bathroom floor for one reason or another unconciosue and just that much closer to hitting bottom. I guess im fucked if I do and im fucked if I don't no lies just love.... no life just pain....
what am I suppose to do?
what am I suppose to do ?
What am I suppose to do?
no one knows, no one helps me no one eases my pain except for eher and everytime I trhink of he I don't want to be able to think anymore.... I want to carve out my brain and feed it to myself.. I miss shane... he could tell me what to do he would help me, but he killed himself so what dose that show. luke make me feel better but hes just waiting till he dies so he can be at peace and some how he finds comfort in knowing that some day it will all be over but he just looks the other way to avoid the pain now until his time comes. craig finds such intense pain in life that he refuses to live on miniute of waking life sober so as to block out all of lifes absurdities. so where do my answers lay? ignoring life exists and life a pretend life. use medication to hinder my perception of life to where everything is perfect, or just end it now and stomp out my oun life....I guess this is the time where I have to go look for myself even thow i know where im going to end up, sprawled out on the bathroom floor for one reason or another unconciosue and just that much closer to hitting bottom. I guess im fucked if I do and im fucked if I don't no lies just love.... no life just pain....