a 1000 emotions for each of my 1000 happenings.....

[nvr_lastingtime]

you drove me home and you cried.... like you were fucking suprised, you always said that I was my fathers son, you always talked about how much were are alike, and how we act the same way, but we never talked about how you were suppose to love me, we never talked about anything involving us. It was always one of those things that I thought I was suppose to know was there, I was just suppose to feel the love, so I pretended it was there, I pretended that I felt it, and I pretended to love you back.... and I listened to your sobing, feeling bad because I wasn't feeling anything, I didn't feel sorry for you I didn't want to make things better for you, but I felt like I should. And then I realized..... your not crying because I chose to live with him instead of you, you don't feel hurt, or upset about what is taking place, the actions that took place to constantly change all of our lives for the rest of our lives, you were scared to be alone.......... and then I cried.... I cried for myself, I cried because I knew that I was the compilation of two people but I didn't know what parts came from where until that moment.... I could sit there and disasemble myslef into two halves, and know exactly where all the pieces came from. And I sat there and though, but there is a difference, I loved her, I would have done anything for her, I would have never left her if I had a choice. And you you never loved me, you stoped whatever love you had for me once my sister was born, and you had the chioce to fix this, if it really meant anything tou you you could have done somthing...... so now you know why I drink, why I get drunk every night, but you will never know my pain, the things that I feel, because I am not your clone, I have different pieces, and I will never see you again if I can have my way.... fucking worthless, guess I was wrong and my parents aren't going to stay together forever, just longer than most.

so heres to you mom, and heres to me for hating you....