Eww this is really long.
last night me and marcus walked from his house to the orange circle to get coffee. we had decided walking is needed, and i think i felt like it would train me for inner city life. but when we got to the circle we realized we had both forgot our wallets and had no money. so after waiting awhile and no luck in getting ahold of ruth and peter we decided to just walk to ruthies house...well i did, and for some reason marcus didnt stop my train of though, it turns out ruths house is waaaay farther from the circle than i thought. but when we got there we were very deligted to see that pete had his sisters car, so he was nice enough to take us back to marcus's. i think i might try and walk more often, partly b/c i hate driving and have no money and partly b/c i need to exercise somewhat, and theres no way ill be going to a fucking gym.
today i didnt have one of my classes, so i decided not to go to the other one,
and instead go looking for apartments. the sad part is i dont think im gonna find one as cheap as the one i "have" now. but if i dont get my parents to co-sign with me, me and jay wont get to keep the place,and jay will have to move out and i wont have a roomate, and ill be stuck at home. and seriously fuck that.
my parents dont understand why i dont want to live at home where i have everything, and they dont understand how i dont care if i get a new car anymore, and they dont understand how i can stand to live in a "shithole" of an apartment and have hardly any money for myself after rent. but the thing is its not about them anymore.
i just dont want to be at home anymore, actually i dont even want to be in this county anymore. everyday i do the same things, go to school, go to work, and then be bored until i force myself to do something. im just tired of this place, i dont think it fits me anymore. it was fine for me growing up, but now i need new experiences, new feelings, new missions, new failures.
i feel like just getting up and going, leaving this and starting from scratch.
but i hate that i feel bounded by my schooling which i didnt even choose.
i dont understand why i am going to school for business, at a university that i didnt even want to. how does that help me at all. i dont want to do business, i want to do the stuff that i love, that stuff that fills my thoughts and comes out my fingers. the stuff that keeps me dreaming.
ugh! i hate myself already for this post.
this is what too much boredom and thinking does to you folks.
where do i get off trying to be a thinker or have emotions.
that isnt me!
................i really need to party....................
today i didnt have one of my classes, so i decided not to go to the other one,
and instead go looking for apartments. the sad part is i dont think im gonna find one as cheap as the one i "have" now. but if i dont get my parents to co-sign with me, me and jay wont get to keep the place,and jay will have to move out and i wont have a roomate, and ill be stuck at home. and seriously fuck that.
my parents dont understand why i dont want to live at home where i have everything, and they dont understand how i dont care if i get a new car anymore, and they dont understand how i can stand to live in a "shithole" of an apartment and have hardly any money for myself after rent. but the thing is its not about them anymore.
i just dont want to be at home anymore, actually i dont even want to be in this county anymore. everyday i do the same things, go to school, go to work, and then be bored until i force myself to do something. im just tired of this place, i dont think it fits me anymore. it was fine for me growing up, but now i need new experiences, new feelings, new missions, new failures.
i feel like just getting up and going, leaving this and starting from scratch.
but i hate that i feel bounded by my schooling which i didnt even choose.
i dont understand why i am going to school for business, at a university that i didnt even want to. how does that help me at all. i dont want to do business, i want to do the stuff that i love, that stuff that fills my thoughts and comes out my fingers. the stuff that keeps me dreaming.
ugh! i hate myself already for this post.
this is what too much boredom and thinking does to you folks.
where do i get off trying to be a thinker or have emotions.
that isnt me!
................i really need to party....................