To go or not to go... That is the question.
I leave on the 20th of this month! Yes, that is four days away! I'm soo nervous and excited, both. While I feel like I've prepared myself for this over the last 6 months (which mind you, is ample time), I still feel like there's so much left to do.
So I know I'm making a bigger deal of it than it is, I mean I'm only going for 6 months! People, maybe even you, have left their homes, and gone away for longer. But this is just the way I am... and you know you love me! :) Hehe.
Going away includes good byes. I loathe those more than I've imagined. I hate having to say bye to all my family and friends. I figure, that inevitably is the most difficult part of going away. Then comes the freezing temperature. In a way I look forward to it, I mean it's a good get away from this crazy heat, but even so, the temperature at Jerusalem can go to below -2. I'm good with Israeli food, so that will not be a matter at all, I hope. Then, I hear a big one for some, comes culture shock. With all my trips, I think it won't be a biggie for me, coming back to my point of the worst being missing everyone here.
It's weird that THAT should worry me. One of my reasons for going away is because I wanted to be by myself for a while, but I'm beginning to realise that there's going to be times when I'm going to want to call one of my best friends and want a tight hug and not be able to do that. And that kills me. Even as I think about it, I feel like clutching on to my stomach real tight, lying on the floor and curling up into a ball. In general, I'm not the most emotional person, but going away makes me feel queasy. I've always felt the blues when the time to go gets closer, even at times when I knew that I was only going away for a week.
That said, I'm going to let my excitement win. Yes, the new and unknown can be scary (hell, yeah!), but I'm going to be positive. There is a lot that I'll have to learn from my trip this time. Hebrew, yes, but so much more! Meeting new people, and understanding the human mind better remains my personal favourite, then there's learning to live independently, I'll also lose some weight (crosses fingers), and other things I can't think of right now but will write to you about as they show up. :) I'm in half a mind to feel all profound and give you the whole life-is-too-short-and-one-must-make-the-best-of-it bull, but it's no news to either of us, and I assure you that every individual blessed with a normal mind does make the best of his time, just that what each person believes is fun/good/whatever, is different. There, I've broken into more universal philosophy.
One way to make sure you're living life to the optimum, as my dear friend Harsh has made me realise, is to have certain goals you know you want to achieve. Here are mine for the next 6 months (Oh dear God!).
1) Master the Hebrew Language (Duh!)
2) lose weight
3) Build contacts for my future as the best jewellery designer in the world
4) Build contacts in general
5) Write in my journal
6) Know my way around Jerusalem at least as well as I do around Mumbai
7) Make some more friends I can keep for life
8) Learn the best massaging techniques from Goni
9) Gain more confidence and get over stage fright
10) Paint & begin designing (depending on if I can afford paints and stuff there)
11) Do yoga
12) Get better at photography (this might take a bit, but am inspired by Yoraan's pics http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=38120&id=502544439)
13) I can't believe I forgot this one, READ A LOT MORE
I stop here for now. So, I might not get through with all of them, but as the one of the Chairmen of ADJC said at a meeting, "List as many possibilities. Not all may happen right then, but you'll know that they exist and as situations get conducive, you can help make them realities."
At one time, going to Israel and doing Kibbutz, was just one of the possibilities on my want-to-do list, and not it is a reality.