(no subject)
My mother and brother are collaborating to turn this past fortnight into one of the worst in a long time. Apparently, not only am I the cause of all the family troubles, including the divorce and affair, but I am also the child my mother wished she'd never had, and basically the nastiest, laziest, stupidest, fucking piece of shit they've ever come across. It's at times like this that I wish my Dad was here. He would always protect me, and not let my Mum and Brother gang up on me. It's like... I can hear them bitching about me, and I don't understand why they hate my so much. I'm her daughter, and his fucking sister! I'm their family! Why the fuck do they hate me so much? I have never done anything to warrant it.
The other day there was a serious argument, which climaxed with me huddled in the bathroom as my brother tried to break down the door. He has some anger issues, to say the least. My Mum was, naturally, basically encouraging him. Anyway, after a couple of minutes there was silence, so I left and hid in my bedroom. I phoned my Dad and he made it all better, you know? I mean, he still isn't home, so it isn't perfect. But, to an extent, I don't want him to come home. I want to go live with him somewhere. But I'm scared that if I tell him that, we'll do it, and then I'll regret not having a family, and miss my Mum and brother and it'll be all my fault.
In this whole situation I'm being placed as the fucking punchbag, and I'm sick of it. I'VE DONE NOTHING WRONG. I don't understand why my Mum and Brother want to make me feel as if I have.
ETA: I just got off the phone with my Dad. Everything feels a bit better. I have no idea how me and my Dad have gone from not speaking to me phoning him up and actually wanting him to stay on longer. He was really tired and practically falling asleep on the line, so he went. I wanted to ask him to stay on longer, keep me company, but I'm too stubborn for that. I love him so much, but he's still living with that woman. And yet him and my Mum are talking about him moving back in within the week.
WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON.
The other day there was a serious argument, which climaxed with me huddled in the bathroom as my brother tried to break down the door. He has some anger issues, to say the least. My Mum was, naturally, basically encouraging him. Anyway, after a couple of minutes there was silence, so I left and hid in my bedroom. I phoned my Dad and he made it all better, you know? I mean, he still isn't home, so it isn't perfect. But, to an extent, I don't want him to come home. I want to go live with him somewhere. But I'm scared that if I tell him that, we'll do it, and then I'll regret not having a family, and miss my Mum and brother and it'll be all my fault.
In this whole situation I'm being placed as the fucking punchbag, and I'm sick of it. I'VE DONE NOTHING WRONG. I don't understand why my Mum and Brother want to make me feel as if I have.
ETA: I just got off the phone with my Dad. Everything feels a bit better. I have no idea how me and my Dad have gone from not speaking to me phoning him up and actually wanting him to stay on longer. He was really tired and practically falling asleep on the line, so he went. I wanted to ask him to stay on longer, keep me company, but I'm too stubborn for that. I love him so much, but he's still living with that woman. And yet him and my Mum are talking about him moving back in within the week.
WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON.