(no subject)
So, apparently, it is completely acceptable for my father to come to Prize Giving this Friday. [For those who don't know, Prize Giving is basically the presenting of any and all GCSE certificates and accompanying awards. It's a big night, really].
Naturally, I want my father no where near it. But my brother and Mum did a complete U-Turn today and said that he should be allowed, and even if I don't want him to he is anyway. As if it isn't my choice - even though it's my night. My Mum only wants him there so she doesn't have to sit alone. My Mum being the woman who Sunday night kicked a dent into my Dad's brand new car after they went out for lunch. Oh, yeah, my Dad and Mum have been going out on dates. Even though he's still living with his mistress. WHAT THE FLYING FUCK.
I said that if he turns up I'll walk out of the Cathedral, and my Mum just replied with a fine, whatever, you're the loser as if this is some kind of fucking game to her. I really hate her sometimes. And my brother, who had been screaming CUNTCUNTCUNT at my dad when he dropped my Mum off on Sunday, was going on about how I owe him cos he's paying for my education. Yes, the education that I get for free? My brother will always take the other person's side if it's me. Every fucking time. I get that I'm the family punch bag, and I'm as used to it as I can be, but I am not going to accept being doubled up on. But there's literally nothing I can do.
I just cried for about half an hour in my room in the dark - I literally just crumbled to the floor. I hate this and I hate them. I don't deserve this, you know? And the way they were taking his side, the adulterous, abusive, nasty, lying mother fucker, over me. And I've been so good I've leant my brother any DVD he wanted, even brought them down and told him which he wouldn't and would like. I'm gotten him drinks and food whenever he wants, without question, cos of his leg. I've been supportive of my mother, keeping her company, being really lovely and it's like - it's like they're telling me I'm not fucking good enough. That even he is better than I am. And I've heard them go on about how much they hate him, so to put me below him is truly crushing.
Then Sam phoned and he cheered me up to no end. We were on the phone for like, 3 and a half hours and he really got my spirits up. But my Mum kept walking into my room, drunk, ranting and raving about how it's over, we're done, for once she's going to think of herself as if her whole cognitive process isn't MEME FUCKING ME.
I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound like a martyr or anything. I'm just being a tit, I know. It's just. Is a little appreciation too much to ask for? My Mum used to tell Maria that I was her rock - and yet she treats me like complete shit. I don't understand.
Naturally, I want my father no where near it. But my brother and Mum did a complete U-Turn today and said that he should be allowed, and even if I don't want him to he is anyway. As if it isn't my choice - even though it's my night. My Mum only wants him there so she doesn't have to sit alone. My Mum being the woman who Sunday night kicked a dent into my Dad's brand new car after they went out for lunch. Oh, yeah, my Dad and Mum have been going out on dates. Even though he's still living with his mistress. WHAT THE FLYING FUCK.
I said that if he turns up I'll walk out of the Cathedral, and my Mum just replied with a fine, whatever, you're the loser as if this is some kind of fucking game to her. I really hate her sometimes. And my brother, who had been screaming CUNTCUNTCUNT at my dad when he dropped my Mum off on Sunday, was going on about how I owe him cos he's paying for my education. Yes, the education that I get for free? My brother will always take the other person's side if it's me. Every fucking time. I get that I'm the family punch bag, and I'm as used to it as I can be, but I am not going to accept being doubled up on. But there's literally nothing I can do.
I just cried for about half an hour in my room in the dark - I literally just crumbled to the floor. I hate this and I hate them. I don't deserve this, you know? And the way they were taking his side, the adulterous, abusive, nasty, lying mother fucker, over me. And I've been so good I've leant my brother any DVD he wanted, even brought them down and told him which he wouldn't and would like. I'm gotten him drinks and food whenever he wants, without question, cos of his leg. I've been supportive of my mother, keeping her company, being really lovely and it's like - it's like they're telling me I'm not fucking good enough. That even he is better than I am. And I've heard them go on about how much they hate him, so to put me below him is truly crushing.
Then Sam phoned and he cheered me up to no end. We were on the phone for like, 3 and a half hours and he really got my spirits up. But my Mum kept walking into my room, drunk, ranting and raving about how it's over, we're done, for once she's going to think of herself as if her whole cognitive process isn't MEME FUCKING ME.
I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound like a martyr or anything. I'm just being a tit, I know. It's just. Is a little appreciation too much to ask for? My Mum used to tell Maria that I was her rock - and yet she treats me like complete shit. I don't understand.