Leslie and Jean-Ralphio at Paunch Burger
Rating: g
Timeline: Set post-season 6.
Summary: Leslie runs into Jean-Ralphio.
Note: I just found your fic about Jean ralphio meeting Ben/Stephen at the store and you captured him really well and since he seems kind of confused about the fact Leslie is actually married (are you down to clown or something along those lines) could you write a fic where he meets pregnant Leslie and is very confused?
Leslie’s not exactly sneaking into Paunch Burger at three in the afternoon, but she didn’t exactly advertise her plan around the City Hall building either. In fact, she might have said something to April about running home to get a binder-a very important (and very fictional) binder.
She probably wouldn’t even be craving fries, but earlier, during lunch with Ben, he had pretty much stared at her with his arms crossed over his chest and a smirky (but cute) smile on his face, while she ate three whole carrot sticks-one for each baby.
Of course she wants to eat healthy, she would eat a million carrot sticks for the babies…but fuck, right now she just really, really, really wants a bucket of fries.
Just the child-size bucket, nothing crazy.
And sure, she’s wearing her sneaking-around-scarf and a pair of big sunglasses, but so what? It’s windy and sunny out.
It’s when Leslie is covertly standing in line, just trying to blend in, that she hears a song in her ear.
“Leslie Knope, getting a little dinner for some breeeak-fasssst.”
Leslie turns and takes in the source of the tune-Jean-Ralphio. She looks at her watch. “It’s three in the afternoon.”
He quirks his head. “Leslie Knope, gettin’ into a little dinner for some luuuu-unnch. Yeah, see, that doesn’t work as well.”
Leslie nods in agreement. He does have a point. A strange, mismatched suit and large scarf wound-around-his-neck point.
“Hold up, I just had a great idea. I’m on my way back to a party, a little uhhhh and a little mmmmm, a little huhhhh, but what do you say, we both get some burgerie-whazits, we head back there, and then you and I are on the dance floor,” Jean-Ralphio starts dancing up on her a little bit, and if it were anyone else than Jean-Ralphio, Leslie would be concerned and probably offended, but really, he’s more amusing than threatening.
His hands go up in the air and he finishes with a, “just bounce, just bounce, bounce, now all the ladies sayin’ bounce. What do you say, sexy?”
“Jean-Ralphio, I’m married,” she tells him patiently. “For over a year now.”
He just nods at her. “Sure. Sure. I like that. A little forbidden afternoon delight, I get what you’re saying here. Want to give him a call and we can make this a tripod?”
“And I’m pregnant,” Leslie adds, bringing her hand down and around her obvious and four-month pregnant-belly.
“Huh,” he looks at her stomach. “Okay, how about a quad-pod?”
“Oh boy,” Leslie says, mostly to herself, as they move up a bit in the line.
She doesn’t even bother to correct him and say it would be a sex-pod because there are three babies and with her, Ben, and him, it’s six…sex-pod.
A sex-pod? Okay, that is funny. Leslie almost giggles out loud but manages to reign it in.
“No thanks. I’m just getting some fries.”
“Oh, the bucket?”
“Yeah, child-size.”
Jean-Ralphio nods. “Okay. But, guess what? Surprise, my dad is a doctor. He can probably help you get that little Knope-let out next year or something.”
“I know. He’s actually already my doc-”
“So, how’d you get knocked up? Tommy?”
“What? No!” She gives him a confused look. “Ben.”
Jen-Ralphio stares at her blankly.
“Ben. My husband. Ben Wyatt,” Leslie clarifies. Still nothing. “He works in City Hall…he’s the Pawnee City Manager. He helped you with Entertainment 720’s accounting a couple of years ago.”
“Oh! Ohhhh…you mean Jello-Shot? What? J-Shot put that in there?” Jean-Ralphio smiles at her in surprise, eyes wide and mouth open. She remembers Ben telling her once that Jean-Ralphio called him that name for some incomprehensible reason that he was unable to ever figure out.
“Yes. He did that,” Leslie responds and damn, why is saying that to Jean-Ralphio doing it for her? In a Paunch Burger of all places?
Maybe if she stops home afterwards and brushes her teeth, Ben won’t taste the fries when she stops back in his office later and attacks his face? Not that he’d be mad about the fries or anything, she just-
“So hold up. I just had an amazing idea. What if-”
“Jean-Ralphio, I really don’t want to go to the party with you and I’m definitely not into any kind of pod-”
“No. No. No. Hear me out. New plan. You and me, we get the small,” he nods and grins, pointing at the large menu on the wall above the counter, “size bucket of fries, save ourselves some coins, and we sit right over there and split it up. Fifty percent more than the half-pound child size bucket and it’ll give me a good Courvoisier cushion for later. And the little bun-bun in your lady-oven there gets some golden crispies.”
They finally make it to the front of the counter. She was going to eat the fries in her car, but sitting down in here for a few minutes isn’t a horrible idea. Her back is starting to hurt a bit.
“Welcome to Paunch Burger, home of dinner for breakfast. Would you like to try a couple of Triple Gut Expander Blast-Burgers with a Trio of Fried Eggs?”
Leslie looks at the Paunch Burger employee behind the counter and then at Jean-Ralphio. “No. We’ll just take the small bucket of fries. For here.”
“Are you sure? Maybe you’d like to jumbo-size that to the two-pound medium bucket?”
She doesn’t even have to look at her companion to know he’s probably making eager puppy dog eyes at her.
What the hell.
Leslie jumbo-sizes it and also orders them a couple of baby-size burgers and two li’l swallow (Jean-Ralphio giggles while she orders that) size shakes. She figures she’ll just eat extra vegetables at dinner tonight with Jello-Shot.
Timeline: Set post-season 6.
Summary: Leslie runs into Jean-Ralphio.
Note: I just found your fic about Jean ralphio meeting Ben/Stephen at the store and you captured him really well and since he seems kind of confused about the fact Leslie is actually married (are you down to clown or something along those lines) could you write a fic where he meets pregnant Leslie and is very confused?
Leslie’s not exactly sneaking into Paunch Burger at three in the afternoon, but she didn’t exactly advertise her plan around the City Hall building either. In fact, she might have said something to April about running home to get a binder-a very important (and very fictional) binder.
She probably wouldn’t even be craving fries, but earlier, during lunch with Ben, he had pretty much stared at her with his arms crossed over his chest and a smirky (but cute) smile on his face, while she ate three whole carrot sticks-one for each baby.
Of course she wants to eat healthy, she would eat a million carrot sticks for the babies…but fuck, right now she just really, really, really wants a bucket of fries.
Just the child-size bucket, nothing crazy.
And sure, she’s wearing her sneaking-around-scarf and a pair of big sunglasses, but so what? It’s windy and sunny out.
It’s when Leslie is covertly standing in line, just trying to blend in, that she hears a song in her ear.
“Leslie Knope, getting a little dinner for some breeeak-fasssst.”
Leslie turns and takes in the source of the tune-Jean-Ralphio. She looks at her watch. “It’s three in the afternoon.”
He quirks his head. “Leslie Knope, gettin’ into a little dinner for some luuuu-unnch. Yeah, see, that doesn’t work as well.”
Leslie nods in agreement. He does have a point. A strange, mismatched suit and large scarf wound-around-his-neck point.
“Hold up, I just had a great idea. I’m on my way back to a party, a little uhhhh and a little mmmmm, a little huhhhh, but what do you say, we both get some burgerie-whazits, we head back there, and then you and I are on the dance floor,” Jean-Ralphio starts dancing up on her a little bit, and if it were anyone else than Jean-Ralphio, Leslie would be concerned and probably offended, but really, he’s more amusing than threatening.
His hands go up in the air and he finishes with a, “just bounce, just bounce, bounce, now all the ladies sayin’ bounce. What do you say, sexy?”
“Jean-Ralphio, I’m married,” she tells him patiently. “For over a year now.”
He just nods at her. “Sure. Sure. I like that. A little forbidden afternoon delight, I get what you’re saying here. Want to give him a call and we can make this a tripod?”
“And I’m pregnant,” Leslie adds, bringing her hand down and around her obvious and four-month pregnant-belly.
“Huh,” he looks at her stomach. “Okay, how about a quad-pod?”
“Oh boy,” Leslie says, mostly to herself, as they move up a bit in the line.
She doesn’t even bother to correct him and say it would be a sex-pod because there are three babies and with her, Ben, and him, it’s six…sex-pod.
A sex-pod? Okay, that is funny. Leslie almost giggles out loud but manages to reign it in.
“No thanks. I’m just getting some fries.”
“Oh, the bucket?”
“Yeah, child-size.”
Jean-Ralphio nods. “Okay. But, guess what? Surprise, my dad is a doctor. He can probably help you get that little Knope-let out next year or something.”
“I know. He’s actually already my doc-”
“So, how’d you get knocked up? Tommy?”
“What? No!” She gives him a confused look. “Ben.”
Jen-Ralphio stares at her blankly.
“Ben. My husband. Ben Wyatt,” Leslie clarifies. Still nothing. “He works in City Hall…he’s the Pawnee City Manager. He helped you with Entertainment 720’s accounting a couple of years ago.”
“Oh! Ohhhh…you mean Jello-Shot? What? J-Shot put that in there?” Jean-Ralphio smiles at her in surprise, eyes wide and mouth open. She remembers Ben telling her once that Jean-Ralphio called him that name for some incomprehensible reason that he was unable to ever figure out.
“Yes. He did that,” Leslie responds and damn, why is saying that to Jean-Ralphio doing it for her? In a Paunch Burger of all places?
Maybe if she stops home afterwards and brushes her teeth, Ben won’t taste the fries when she stops back in his office later and attacks his face? Not that he’d be mad about the fries or anything, she just-
“So hold up. I just had an amazing idea. What if-”
“Jean-Ralphio, I really don’t want to go to the party with you and I’m definitely not into any kind of pod-”
“No. No. No. Hear me out. New plan. You and me, we get the small,” he nods and grins, pointing at the large menu on the wall above the counter, “size bucket of fries, save ourselves some coins, and we sit right over there and split it up. Fifty percent more than the half-pound child size bucket and it’ll give me a good Courvoisier cushion for later. And the little bun-bun in your lady-oven there gets some golden crispies.”
They finally make it to the front of the counter. She was going to eat the fries in her car, but sitting down in here for a few minutes isn’t a horrible idea. Her back is starting to hurt a bit.
“Welcome to Paunch Burger, home of dinner for breakfast. Would you like to try a couple of Triple Gut Expander Blast-Burgers with a Trio of Fried Eggs?”
Leslie looks at the Paunch Burger employee behind the counter and then at Jean-Ralphio. “No. We’ll just take the small bucket of fries. For here.”
“Are you sure? Maybe you’d like to jumbo-size that to the two-pound medium bucket?”
She doesn’t even have to look at her companion to know he’s probably making eager puppy dog eyes at her.
What the hell.
Leslie jumbo-sizes it and also orders them a couple of baby-size burgers and two li’l swallow (Jean-Ralphio giggles while she orders that) size shakes. She figures she’ll just eat extra vegetables at dinner tonight with Jello-Shot.