Four Times Either Leslie or Ben was Doctor Who (and One Time Neither Was)
Title: Four Times Either Leslie or Ben was Doctor Who and One Time Neither Was
Rating: mild R?
Summary: The title pretty much covers it.
Timeline: Does not really apply but the last part takes place in late 2014.
Notes: This is incredibly cracky. Prompted on Tumblr by wafflesjunior as a three sentence AU. So...
Also, it's much more Parks & Rec-ish in details than it is Doctor Who-ish (basically just the premise).
I:
"Yeah. I know. It’s bigger on the inside. I could try to explain it to you, but I feel like you would just call me a nerd again, so..." Ben tells her as he leads the short blonde inside.
Leslie shrugs. It’s honestly not the strangest thing she’s ever seen in Pawnee-even if it did just appear in the middle of Ramsett Park completely out of nowhere. “And we can go anywhere?”
"Yep," Ben insists. "Anywhere in time and space. Just tell me and I’ll take you there."
"Belgium? We could actually get Belgian waffles in Belgium? We would just fly this weird blue box there?" Leslie asks him excitedly.
Ben stares at her incredulously. “Seriously? You have all of the universe and all of time available to you and you want to go get…waffles?”
"In Belgium," Leslie insists.
"I can’t believe my new companion is the girl who wanted waffles.”
"With whipped cream," she adds. "I bet the whipped cream in Europe is amazing."
"Oh my god. It’s just whipped cream. We could see the birth of the universe. Or a special kind of flower that only blooms once every 100,000 years. Or-"
"You’re being very critical about my choice for someone who’s wearing a skinny tie and a plaid shirt."
"Skinny ties and plaid shirts are cool," Ben insists, before sighing and setting the dials on the TARDIS for…Belgium.
II:
Her last companion was kind of annoying.
Of course, he was really good-looking and successful, but he always wanted to go to the showiest places in the universe and then come back to Indianapolis for parties where he’d tell all his friends about his unique, one-of-a-kind travels. He liked collecting experiences and then happily showing them to people.
Justin would brag about his travels and namedrop leaders from other worlds, faraway wonders he'd seen, or go on and on about that time he met Benjamin Franklin just as electricity was being discovered.
She’s sitting in this Italian joint, Ray’s Sandwich Place, in the best city on Earth-Pawnee, Indiana, and Leslie is finishing her pizza slice and honestly wondering if she shouldn’t just give up this whole companion thing.
There’s just been so many disastrous first adventures with new ones over the years. One companion showed up with his girlfriend. Another wore a pair of ridiculous 3-D glasses the whole time they were visiting Georgia O’Keeffe at her New Mexico studio in 1929.
And one time, Leslie was with a new companion on this really boring planet and he tried to pull out one of her teeth when she fell asleep. She literally woke up with his hand in her mouth, and sure, they went to a couple other planets after that, but then it just got weird.
"Excuse me. Can I borrow your shaker of Parmesan cheese?"
Leslie looks up to see a man reaching over from the table next to hers. His dark hair is kind of all messy and sticking up, he’s wearing a plaid shirt, a ridiculous skinny tie, and there’s binder full of printed-out of spreadsheets in front of him, as well as a plate with a…what?
"Is that a calzone?" She asks, wrinkling her nose while she hands him the shaker of grated cheese from her table.
"Yeah," he tells her. "I actually want to learn to make them, but I travel a lot for my job and most of the time I don’t even have a kitchen."
"Calzones are pointless, you know," she responds, but she can’t help smiling just a bit.
He makes a face at her, then kind of looks around the almost deserted restaurant. “Okay.”
"No, I just mean, they’re really hard to eat."
He smiles at her. “I manage alright.”
"I’m the Doctor,” she says, holding her hand out to him. He kind of grips it awkwardly like he can’t decide if he wants to kiss it or shake it and nods his head.
"Ben. Ben Wyatt. So you’re a doctor?" He asks, sprinkling some parm on his sausage calzone.
"It’s really more of a nickname."
Ben grins awkwardly at her again, places the borrowed cheese shaker back on her table, and then goes back to his meal and reading through his spreadsheets, while Leslie finds herself wondering what it would be like to visit the Cones of Dunshire on Saturn Seven or Renaissance Italy with this man-Ben Wyatt. Just throw caution to the wind and take another chance on a new companion.
Because here’s the thing: she’s been so, so disappointed before, and she’s very bad at first adventures (like epically bad), but at the heart of it, she’s just really lonely. A whole civilization of people, the Gallifreyans, and she’s the last one. The last time lord.
Maybe her two hearts just make her feel too much?
Anyway. Perhaps she should just say screw it and reach out to this one, a calzone-loving, spreadsheet-reading, human disaster named Ben Wyatt and take him with her to experience the Lewis and Clark Expedition, or witness the signing of the Declaration of Independence (it would be her tenth time seeing that, but who's counting?), or sightsee in the Wild West. Just go all old-timey, 1800s hardcore cowboy with him-maybe even reverse cowboy?
Wait, what?
"Hey, sorry. I don’t mean to bug you," she says, getting Ben’s attention again. "But, what would you say if I told you that I have a blue box outside and that we could go anywhere in time and space that you wanted. All you have to do is just get up and walk out of this restaurant with me, right here, right now. We’d have an adventure and it would be awesome.”
He studies her for a few seconds. “I’d say you sound kind of crazy.”
Leslie nods sadly. “Okay.”
Ben looks at her and then out the window. “Is that your blue box?”
"Yeah," she confirms.
"It’s small."
"It’s bigger than it looks," she tells him. "It has five bathrooms, or, as I like to call them, whiz palaces. Actually, it's probably even more than that, but I haven't had the time to count them all." See what she did there?
"Right. So, um, I should probably be going. I have an early budget meeting tomorrow and-"
"Sure," Leslie says. "Sorry to have bothered you."
When he gets up and starts walking towards the door, she can’t help but notice how cute Ben's butt is-like a really adorable and Top 10-worthy, gumdrop caboose. A butt so perfect it could make an angel hang itself.
Leslie sighs and gets ready to leave. Maybe she’ll visit England again, try to run into Agatha Christie and solve another murder. Ooh! Maybe even one on a train this time?
"Hey."
Leslie looks up to see Ben Wyatt standing in front of her table again.
"So, look. You’re cute and have really nice blonde hair and clearly, you are insane, but I’ve always wanted to see the Middle Ages. And also," he holds up a small business-size card, "my free meatball sub card has expired already. Which makes no sense, since I just got it the other day. And I know there weren’t any real dragons or anything, but it seems like the 1200s would be interesting. All the castles and-"
"You want to see dragons?" Leslie asks, getting up excitedly. "I know where we can see some dragons! Dothrakos…right off of Viserion Belt!"
"This is insane," Ben repeats. "I mean, I don’t even know you and I have an eight AM meeting tomorrow at City Hall where I have to lay off a bunch of people and maybe even shut the government down and-"
"My blue box is really more of a time machine. If you want, I can get you back for your meeting tomorrow, no problem. It’s very wibbily-wobbly-timey-wimey,” she says, although really, that sounds like a horrible meeting. The Pawnee City Hall isn't just a pile of bricks and wood beams--it's full of real people in a real town, working in a real building, with real feelings.
Leslie should probably make him miss that meeting.
Ben looks at her, stares right at her intensely for a moment like he's trying to figure her out, see if trusting her is worth it. “Okay," he says finally. "Screw it. Let’s go.”
As they start walking outside, he asks, “So why is your nickname the doctor? You’re not dressed like a doctor or anything. You kind of look like a mid-level government employee with that pantsuit and almost-matching blazer. Just like someone I’ll probably be firing tomorrow morning.”
She doesn't answer him, just opens the door to the TARDIS and watches as Ben's mouth drops open in shock and amazement. “Good lord.”
"Blazers are cool, Ben," Leslie tells him with a grin, as he continues to look around the vast and impressive, spaceship-looking interior.
III:
Ask him about his penis.
That's the advice her best friend and beautiful nurse Ann Perkins had given her, just before Leslie had gone off with the Doctor again. She's been his companion off and on for a few months now and from what she can figure out, she's not the first one.
Apparently, all of his other companions have been tall brunettes--at least that's what the Doctor's friend, that strange man who liked to exercise all the time had said when they had visited him at his government job in Indianapolis (and to be honest, Leslie thinks maybe Chris Traeger was even once a companion)?
But then, as soon as Chris had divulged that fact about their mutual acquaintance's typical type, the Doctor had gotten all weird and started babbling about wanting to take Leslie to see the centaurs on Diaphena and minutes later as they were leaving, he had accidentally walked into a supply closet.
God, he's so cute and coy...like a confused, sexy little hummingbird from outer-space who really likes plaid and knows just how to turn her on.
Leslie also doesn't think that it's just her, either. In fact, she's pretty sure that the Doctor likes her that way too.
Uh-oh.
It's when they're back on the TARDIS one night (at least she thinks it's night), just hanging out--he's fiddling with his sonic screwdriver and Leslie is stealing glances at him from across the console and wondering if she should actually take Ann's advice. Beautiful, naive, newborn baby Ann who thinks Leslie should just go for it and make out with the Doctor. But...he's still an alien, after all. He has two hearts. What else might he have two of?
Maybe there are even tentacles involved?
Right. She really should go to one of the whiz palaces on his ship and use her special phone that the Doctor gave her to call Ann. She should ask her friend to read the script Leslie wrote up the last time she was home in Pawnee, the night that Ann had helped Leslie pack anti-seduction outfits. The script that lists all of the many reasons that she should absolutely not make out with him. Nope. She should definitely not walk right up to him and make out with him on his cute, sexy, terrible, alien face. Run her fingers through his thick head of dark, messy hair. Mmmmmmmmm.
And she should definitely not give his perfect, out-of-this-world butt a squeeze.
"What?"
"Huh?" she responds, looking up at him to find him staring at her.
"You're thinking about something. I can tell. Probably something you want to eat. Let me guess--you want to go get waffles again. In Belgium," he says with a smirk.
"Oh, uh, just...Well, yes," she admits. "But that's not what I was thinking about."
He walks over to her. "What is it then?"
"How many do you have?" She blurts out suddenly. Crap on a space-age, blinky console. She did not mean to say that out loud.
"What?" The Doctor looks confused. "I...how many...what do I have?"
"I only have one vagina," she says quickly and then watches as the Doctor's eyes go all wide.
"Um. Okay?"
She nods, as if it should all be completely clear.
"Leslie. What are you talking about?" Apparently, it's not clear.
She takes a breath. "I know that you're a time lord and you travel all over the galaxy and I'm the Deputy Director of the Parks Department in Pawnee, Indiana, on Earth and we're really different. Like different species, different. And this is probably a horrible idea, but I feel like, I mean...I like you and I think you like me and we have fun together and we both enjoy history a lot and making the world, or rather, the galaxy, a better place and...maybe you and I should make out with each other. Because, it's not just me, right?"
"Oh." The Doctor smiles at her. "Oh. That. Well, uh, no. No, it's not just you. I like you too," he says. "In fact, sometimes it feels like this whole time before I met you, I was just wandering around, everywhere, just looking for you. Even if, uh, you only have one vagina, apparently," he adds, trying not to laugh but before she can say anything else, he kind of grabs her face and pulls her in for a kiss.
A really great kiss.
"Now, what exactly do you think I might have two of?" The Doctor asks her when they pull apart.
What? Oh yeah. Leslie glances down as his pants.
He starts laughing. "I only have one penis. Promise. Two hearts. One penis." Can't loose, Leslie thinks after the words are out if his mouth.
When they kiss again it's slow and languid--like they have all the time in the world. The Doctor nibbles her lip, before pushing inside with his tongue, delicately touching hers before his hands travel down, past her shoulders to her hips, pulling her closer.
When they separate briefly, they both smile, then silently move back together so that the next kiss is a sloppy, half-smiling and half-laughing thing that makes her stomach drop and flip anyway. Especially when she can feel him, already getting hard and straining against her hip.
"Is this okay?" he asks, grinning at her. "Or do you have any other questions?"
"How big is it?"
When she finds out a bit later, when he's whispering ancient, alien languages in her ear and thrusting deep inside her, making Leslie moan and gasp--it turns out that it is just perfect.
IV:
The first time she tried to blow Ben's mind with one of the universe's most amazing wonders, he was inexplicably unimpressed.
"And this," she had said, walking to the side and unblocking his view. "This is Li'l Sebastian!"
She watched excitedly as her new companion took in the view before him, and then made a confused face. "It's a...pony?"
"He's a mini-horse," Leslie corrected patiently. "And not just any mini-hose. He's a galaxy-famous mini-horse! He has an honorary degree from the University of the Milky Way--which sounds like it would involve chocolate, but sadly, it does not."
Besides the two of them, there was a crowd of Lo 'Khana citizens gathered around, oohing and aahing over Li'l Sebastian and frankly, her new companion just did not at all look that impressed.
The locals had all thanked the Doctor excitedly and they were all certainly impressed that she had managed to arrange for Li'l Sebastian to attend the capitol city's Harvest Festival--she was the Doctor after all and she had awesome connections.
But Ben had just stood there looking perplexed. "Am I missing something? Does he do something special? Fly? Breathe fire?"
In retrospect, it was probably her fault. She shouldn't have started their first adventure off with all of those dragons.
A handful of years later, Ben gives her a small, plush Li'l Sebastian stuffed animal, telling her that he finally gets it. He understands what made that tiny horse so special. She's pretty sure he's just humoring her but it's really sweet--and honestly, all of the things Ben has done for her, to help her, support her, surprise her, to make her happy, it's all above and beyond what any person, or even the last time lord, deserves. He even loves her Flags of the Galaxy collection as much as she does.
It's wonderful and comforting and she never wants it to end.
Of course, it will at some point. If they're lucky, he'll live a long and healthy life by her side and then she'll watch him die of old age, while the years will have barely made more than another line or two on this face. Or maybe she'll die--it's certainly not impossible. Most likely this body will die and she'll regenerate into someone completely different--a tall brunette, maybe?
Until then, they'll continue to travel around the galaxy, running from Cyberladies and popping in on Earth frequently--to watch the Gettysburg Address, visit Pawnee, Indiana (a frequent stop in the twenty-first century for JJ's waffles and in the nineteenth century, to gleefully break an 1856 city council ban on all sexual positions except for missionary), or maybe even see a Shakespeare play in Elizabethan England.
No matter where they are, they always wear the proper clothing of the era, fitting in seamlessly, not as doctor and companion, but usually wife and husband. Traveling their way across history whether he's fucking her from behind while she bends forward and holds onto a column in Ancient Greece, she's riding him on the couch in Nixon's Oval Office, or he's got his head underneath her huge hoop skirt, licking and kissing between her legs, until she screams and sees stars.
Besides history and politics, they both seem to really enjoy role-playing. And since she's the Doctor and has a time machine...well, it's all incredibly convenient.
But tonight, when she's in the TARDIS's vast salon (she refuses to call it a library), Ben comes up behind her and wraps his arms around her pulling her close. Leslie leans back and breathes in his uniquely human and Ben-scent.
"Have you thought about where you want to go next?" Leslie asks.
"I know you're a pacifist and all, and it's one of the many things I love about you," Ben starts to tell her, "but it kind of works for me when we go to Planet Doosh and they all think you're some kind of powerful dictator. In fact, I'm starting to get kind of turned on imagining that now. Is that bad?"
Due to some weird mis-communication and a bit too showy of a first entrance, the inhabitants of Planet Doosh are completely scared of her. Willing to do whatever she says, even if it was completely silly (like creating a Waffle Day). They even offered to change their planet's motto to anything she wanted the last time they were there--no matter how many times she tried to explain that she was the Doctor and she was a friend. It was all weird, but probably harmless.
"No, it's okay," she tells Ben and then turns around and leans up into him for a kiss.
Sure, this companion, Ben Wyatt, who she has grown to love and like so, so much is going to die one day. Or she'll become someone else and it will be different.
But not today. Today, they're going on an adventure.
V.
Leslie is giggling beside him in the bed. The kind of giggling where she has trouble stopping and although it's adorable, Ben is honestly getting concerned that she's laughing so hard, that she's going to accidentally pee. Between the giggles and the pressure of three growing babies pushing on her bladder, she's definitely in the danger zone. They found that out the hard way watching old episodes of I Love Lucy the other night.
"You okay?" Ben asks, hitting pause on the remote.
"Yes. Yes. It's fine. It's just..."
"What?"
"His arm-thingie looks like a toilet plunger," she tells Ben, pointing to the Dalek on the TV screen.
Ben grins. "Yeah, some of it is a little cheesy. But you know, it's my turn to pick what we watch and you didn't want to do Fringe."
"I know, I know," she tells him, her outburst almost over. "Wait a minute, he's only got one of those. Oh my god, is that his--"
"No," Ben answers quickly, unable to hold in his own amusement. "No. It's not that...It's an alien arm. Now are we going to watch a couple of Doctor Who episodes or are you going to nit-pick every detail?"
"We're going to watch your Doctor Who," she confirms, snuggling back against him, as Ben circles his arm protectively around her belly. "You might just need to remind me about some of it. Or tell me what happened tomorrow if I fall asleep."
"Of course I will," he promises, unpausing the screen so that the Daleks can threaten the Ninth Doctor and Rose with extermination again. All the while, Leslie continues to giggle quietly next to him.
"Babe. Seriously. It's not a toilet plunger penis," Ben tells her, but even as he says the words, he can't help laughing too.
Rating: mild R?
Summary: The title pretty much covers it.
Timeline: Does not really apply but the last part takes place in late 2014.
Notes: This is incredibly cracky. Prompted on Tumblr by wafflesjunior as a three sentence AU. So...
Also, it's much more Parks & Rec-ish in details than it is Doctor Who-ish (basically just the premise).
I:
"Yeah. I know. It’s bigger on the inside. I could try to explain it to you, but I feel like you would just call me a nerd again, so..." Ben tells her as he leads the short blonde inside.
Leslie shrugs. It’s honestly not the strangest thing she’s ever seen in Pawnee-even if it did just appear in the middle of Ramsett Park completely out of nowhere. “And we can go anywhere?”
"Yep," Ben insists. "Anywhere in time and space. Just tell me and I’ll take you there."
"Belgium? We could actually get Belgian waffles in Belgium? We would just fly this weird blue box there?" Leslie asks him excitedly.
Ben stares at her incredulously. “Seriously? You have all of the universe and all of time available to you and you want to go get…waffles?”
"In Belgium," Leslie insists.
"I can’t believe my new companion is the girl who wanted waffles.”
"With whipped cream," she adds. "I bet the whipped cream in Europe is amazing."
"Oh my god. It’s just whipped cream. We could see the birth of the universe. Or a special kind of flower that only blooms once every 100,000 years. Or-"
"You’re being very critical about my choice for someone who’s wearing a skinny tie and a plaid shirt."
"Skinny ties and plaid shirts are cool," Ben insists, before sighing and setting the dials on the TARDIS for…Belgium.
II:
Her last companion was kind of annoying.
Of course, he was really good-looking and successful, but he always wanted to go to the showiest places in the universe and then come back to Indianapolis for parties where he’d tell all his friends about his unique, one-of-a-kind travels. He liked collecting experiences and then happily showing them to people.
Justin would brag about his travels and namedrop leaders from other worlds, faraway wonders he'd seen, or go on and on about that time he met Benjamin Franklin just as electricity was being discovered.
She’s sitting in this Italian joint, Ray’s Sandwich Place, in the best city on Earth-Pawnee, Indiana, and Leslie is finishing her pizza slice and honestly wondering if she shouldn’t just give up this whole companion thing.
There’s just been so many disastrous first adventures with new ones over the years. One companion showed up with his girlfriend. Another wore a pair of ridiculous 3-D glasses the whole time they were visiting Georgia O’Keeffe at her New Mexico studio in 1929.
And one time, Leslie was with a new companion on this really boring planet and he tried to pull out one of her teeth when she fell asleep. She literally woke up with his hand in her mouth, and sure, they went to a couple other planets after that, but then it just got weird.
"Excuse me. Can I borrow your shaker of Parmesan cheese?"
Leslie looks up to see a man reaching over from the table next to hers. His dark hair is kind of all messy and sticking up, he’s wearing a plaid shirt, a ridiculous skinny tie, and there’s binder full of printed-out of spreadsheets in front of him, as well as a plate with a…what?
"Is that a calzone?" She asks, wrinkling her nose while she hands him the shaker of grated cheese from her table.
"Yeah," he tells her. "I actually want to learn to make them, but I travel a lot for my job and most of the time I don’t even have a kitchen."
"Calzones are pointless, you know," she responds, but she can’t help smiling just a bit.
He makes a face at her, then kind of looks around the almost deserted restaurant. “Okay.”
"No, I just mean, they’re really hard to eat."
He smiles at her. “I manage alright.”
"I’m the Doctor,” she says, holding her hand out to him. He kind of grips it awkwardly like he can’t decide if he wants to kiss it or shake it and nods his head.
"Ben. Ben Wyatt. So you’re a doctor?" He asks, sprinkling some parm on his sausage calzone.
"It’s really more of a nickname."
Ben grins awkwardly at her again, places the borrowed cheese shaker back on her table, and then goes back to his meal and reading through his spreadsheets, while Leslie finds herself wondering what it would be like to visit the Cones of Dunshire on Saturn Seven or Renaissance Italy with this man-Ben Wyatt. Just throw caution to the wind and take another chance on a new companion.
Because here’s the thing: she’s been so, so disappointed before, and she’s very bad at first adventures (like epically bad), but at the heart of it, she’s just really lonely. A whole civilization of people, the Gallifreyans, and she’s the last one. The last time lord.
Maybe her two hearts just make her feel too much?
Anyway. Perhaps she should just say screw it and reach out to this one, a calzone-loving, spreadsheet-reading, human disaster named Ben Wyatt and take him with her to experience the Lewis and Clark Expedition, or witness the signing of the Declaration of Independence (it would be her tenth time seeing that, but who's counting?), or sightsee in the Wild West. Just go all old-timey, 1800s hardcore cowboy with him-maybe even reverse cowboy?
Wait, what?
"Hey, sorry. I don’t mean to bug you," she says, getting Ben’s attention again. "But, what would you say if I told you that I have a blue box outside and that we could go anywhere in time and space that you wanted. All you have to do is just get up and walk out of this restaurant with me, right here, right now. We’d have an adventure and it would be awesome.”
He studies her for a few seconds. “I’d say you sound kind of crazy.”
Leslie nods sadly. “Okay.”
Ben looks at her and then out the window. “Is that your blue box?”
"Yeah," she confirms.
"It’s small."
"It’s bigger than it looks," she tells him. "It has five bathrooms, or, as I like to call them, whiz palaces. Actually, it's probably even more than that, but I haven't had the time to count them all." See what she did there?
"Right. So, um, I should probably be going. I have an early budget meeting tomorrow and-"
"Sure," Leslie says. "Sorry to have bothered you."
When he gets up and starts walking towards the door, she can’t help but notice how cute Ben's butt is-like a really adorable and Top 10-worthy, gumdrop caboose. A butt so perfect it could make an angel hang itself.
Leslie sighs and gets ready to leave. Maybe she’ll visit England again, try to run into Agatha Christie and solve another murder. Ooh! Maybe even one on a train this time?
"Hey."
Leslie looks up to see Ben Wyatt standing in front of her table again.
"So, look. You’re cute and have really nice blonde hair and clearly, you are insane, but I’ve always wanted to see the Middle Ages. And also," he holds up a small business-size card, "my free meatball sub card has expired already. Which makes no sense, since I just got it the other day. And I know there weren’t any real dragons or anything, but it seems like the 1200s would be interesting. All the castles and-"
"You want to see dragons?" Leslie asks, getting up excitedly. "I know where we can see some dragons! Dothrakos…right off of Viserion Belt!"
"This is insane," Ben repeats. "I mean, I don’t even know you and I have an eight AM meeting tomorrow at City Hall where I have to lay off a bunch of people and maybe even shut the government down and-"
"My blue box is really more of a time machine. If you want, I can get you back for your meeting tomorrow, no problem. It’s very wibbily-wobbly-timey-wimey,” she says, although really, that sounds like a horrible meeting. The Pawnee City Hall isn't just a pile of bricks and wood beams--it's full of real people in a real town, working in a real building, with real feelings.
Leslie should probably make him miss that meeting.
Ben looks at her, stares right at her intensely for a moment like he's trying to figure her out, see if trusting her is worth it. “Okay," he says finally. "Screw it. Let’s go.”
As they start walking outside, he asks, “So why is your nickname the doctor? You’re not dressed like a doctor or anything. You kind of look like a mid-level government employee with that pantsuit and almost-matching blazer. Just like someone I’ll probably be firing tomorrow morning.”
She doesn't answer him, just opens the door to the TARDIS and watches as Ben's mouth drops open in shock and amazement. “Good lord.”
"Blazers are cool, Ben," Leslie tells him with a grin, as he continues to look around the vast and impressive, spaceship-looking interior.
III:
Ask him about his penis.
That's the advice her best friend and beautiful nurse Ann Perkins had given her, just before Leslie had gone off with the Doctor again. She's been his companion off and on for a few months now and from what she can figure out, she's not the first one.
Apparently, all of his other companions have been tall brunettes--at least that's what the Doctor's friend, that strange man who liked to exercise all the time had said when they had visited him at his government job in Indianapolis (and to be honest, Leslie thinks maybe Chris Traeger was even once a companion)?
But then, as soon as Chris had divulged that fact about their mutual acquaintance's typical type, the Doctor had gotten all weird and started babbling about wanting to take Leslie to see the centaurs on Diaphena and minutes later as they were leaving, he had accidentally walked into a supply closet.
God, he's so cute and coy...like a confused, sexy little hummingbird from outer-space who really likes plaid and knows just how to turn her on.
Leslie also doesn't think that it's just her, either. In fact, she's pretty sure that the Doctor likes her that way too.
Uh-oh.
It's when they're back on the TARDIS one night (at least she thinks it's night), just hanging out--he's fiddling with his sonic screwdriver and Leslie is stealing glances at him from across the console and wondering if she should actually take Ann's advice. Beautiful, naive, newborn baby Ann who thinks Leslie should just go for it and make out with the Doctor. But...he's still an alien, after all. He has two hearts. What else might he have two of?
Maybe there are even tentacles involved?
Right. She really should go to one of the whiz palaces on his ship and use her special phone that the Doctor gave her to call Ann. She should ask her friend to read the script Leslie wrote up the last time she was home in Pawnee, the night that Ann had helped Leslie pack anti-seduction outfits. The script that lists all of the many reasons that she should absolutely not make out with him. Nope. She should definitely not walk right up to him and make out with him on his cute, sexy, terrible, alien face. Run her fingers through his thick head of dark, messy hair. Mmmmmmmmm.
And she should definitely not give his perfect, out-of-this-world butt a squeeze.
"What?"
"Huh?" she responds, looking up at him to find him staring at her.
"You're thinking about something. I can tell. Probably something you want to eat. Let me guess--you want to go get waffles again. In Belgium," he says with a smirk.
"Oh, uh, just...Well, yes," she admits. "But that's not what I was thinking about."
He walks over to her. "What is it then?"
"How many do you have?" She blurts out suddenly. Crap on a space-age, blinky console. She did not mean to say that out loud.
"What?" The Doctor looks confused. "I...how many...what do I have?"
"I only have one vagina," she says quickly and then watches as the Doctor's eyes go all wide.
"Um. Okay?"
She nods, as if it should all be completely clear.
"Leslie. What are you talking about?" Apparently, it's not clear.
She takes a breath. "I know that you're a time lord and you travel all over the galaxy and I'm the Deputy Director of the Parks Department in Pawnee, Indiana, on Earth and we're really different. Like different species, different. And this is probably a horrible idea, but I feel like, I mean...I like you and I think you like me and we have fun together and we both enjoy history a lot and making the world, or rather, the galaxy, a better place and...maybe you and I should make out with each other. Because, it's not just me, right?"
"Oh." The Doctor smiles at her. "Oh. That. Well, uh, no. No, it's not just you. I like you too," he says. "In fact, sometimes it feels like this whole time before I met you, I was just wandering around, everywhere, just looking for you. Even if, uh, you only have one vagina, apparently," he adds, trying not to laugh but before she can say anything else, he kind of grabs her face and pulls her in for a kiss.
A really great kiss.
"Now, what exactly do you think I might have two of?" The Doctor asks her when they pull apart.
What? Oh yeah. Leslie glances down as his pants.
He starts laughing. "I only have one penis. Promise. Two hearts. One penis." Can't loose, Leslie thinks after the words are out if his mouth.
When they kiss again it's slow and languid--like they have all the time in the world. The Doctor nibbles her lip, before pushing inside with his tongue, delicately touching hers before his hands travel down, past her shoulders to her hips, pulling her closer.
When they separate briefly, they both smile, then silently move back together so that the next kiss is a sloppy, half-smiling and half-laughing thing that makes her stomach drop and flip anyway. Especially when she can feel him, already getting hard and straining against her hip.
"Is this okay?" he asks, grinning at her. "Or do you have any other questions?"
"How big is it?"
When she finds out a bit later, when he's whispering ancient, alien languages in her ear and thrusting deep inside her, making Leslie moan and gasp--it turns out that it is just perfect.
IV:
The first time she tried to blow Ben's mind with one of the universe's most amazing wonders, he was inexplicably unimpressed.
"And this," she had said, walking to the side and unblocking his view. "This is Li'l Sebastian!"
She watched excitedly as her new companion took in the view before him, and then made a confused face. "It's a...pony?"
"He's a mini-horse," Leslie corrected patiently. "And not just any mini-hose. He's a galaxy-famous mini-horse! He has an honorary degree from the University of the Milky Way--which sounds like it would involve chocolate, but sadly, it does not."
Besides the two of them, there was a crowd of Lo 'Khana citizens gathered around, oohing and aahing over Li'l Sebastian and frankly, her new companion just did not at all look that impressed.
The locals had all thanked the Doctor excitedly and they were all certainly impressed that she had managed to arrange for Li'l Sebastian to attend the capitol city's Harvest Festival--she was the Doctor after all and she had awesome connections.
But Ben had just stood there looking perplexed. "Am I missing something? Does he do something special? Fly? Breathe fire?"
In retrospect, it was probably her fault. She shouldn't have started their first adventure off with all of those dragons.
A handful of years later, Ben gives her a small, plush Li'l Sebastian stuffed animal, telling her that he finally gets it. He understands what made that tiny horse so special. She's pretty sure he's just humoring her but it's really sweet--and honestly, all of the things Ben has done for her, to help her, support her, surprise her, to make her happy, it's all above and beyond what any person, or even the last time lord, deserves. He even loves her Flags of the Galaxy collection as much as she does.
It's wonderful and comforting and she never wants it to end.
Of course, it will at some point. If they're lucky, he'll live a long and healthy life by her side and then she'll watch him die of old age, while the years will have barely made more than another line or two on this face. Or maybe she'll die--it's certainly not impossible. Most likely this body will die and she'll regenerate into someone completely different--a tall brunette, maybe?
Until then, they'll continue to travel around the galaxy, running from Cyberladies and popping in on Earth frequently--to watch the Gettysburg Address, visit Pawnee, Indiana (a frequent stop in the twenty-first century for JJ's waffles and in the nineteenth century, to gleefully break an 1856 city council ban on all sexual positions except for missionary), or maybe even see a Shakespeare play in Elizabethan England.
No matter where they are, they always wear the proper clothing of the era, fitting in seamlessly, not as doctor and companion, but usually wife and husband. Traveling their way across history whether he's fucking her from behind while she bends forward and holds onto a column in Ancient Greece, she's riding him on the couch in Nixon's Oval Office, or he's got his head underneath her huge hoop skirt, licking and kissing between her legs, until she screams and sees stars.
Besides history and politics, they both seem to really enjoy role-playing. And since she's the Doctor and has a time machine...well, it's all incredibly convenient.
But tonight, when she's in the TARDIS's vast salon (she refuses to call it a library), Ben comes up behind her and wraps his arms around her pulling her close. Leslie leans back and breathes in his uniquely human and Ben-scent.
"Have you thought about where you want to go next?" Leslie asks.
"I know you're a pacifist and all, and it's one of the many things I love about you," Ben starts to tell her, "but it kind of works for me when we go to Planet Doosh and they all think you're some kind of powerful dictator. In fact, I'm starting to get kind of turned on imagining that now. Is that bad?"
Due to some weird mis-communication and a bit too showy of a first entrance, the inhabitants of Planet Doosh are completely scared of her. Willing to do whatever she says, even if it was completely silly (like creating a Waffle Day). They even offered to change their planet's motto to anything she wanted the last time they were there--no matter how many times she tried to explain that she was the Doctor and she was a friend. It was all weird, but probably harmless.
"No, it's okay," she tells Ben and then turns around and leans up into him for a kiss.
Sure, this companion, Ben Wyatt, who she has grown to love and like so, so much is going to die one day. Or she'll become someone else and it will be different.
But not today. Today, they're going on an adventure.
V.
Leslie is giggling beside him in the bed. The kind of giggling where she has trouble stopping and although it's adorable, Ben is honestly getting concerned that she's laughing so hard, that she's going to accidentally pee. Between the giggles and the pressure of three growing babies pushing on her bladder, she's definitely in the danger zone. They found that out the hard way watching old episodes of I Love Lucy the other night.
"You okay?" Ben asks, hitting pause on the remote.
"Yes. Yes. It's fine. It's just..."
"What?"
"His arm-thingie looks like a toilet plunger," she tells Ben, pointing to the Dalek on the TV screen.
Ben grins. "Yeah, some of it is a little cheesy. But you know, it's my turn to pick what we watch and you didn't want to do Fringe."
"I know, I know," she tells him, her outburst almost over. "Wait a minute, he's only got one of those. Oh my god, is that his--"
"No," Ben answers quickly, unable to hold in his own amusement. "No. It's not that...It's an alien arm. Now are we going to watch a couple of Doctor Who episodes or are you going to nit-pick every detail?"
"We're going to watch your Doctor Who," she confirms, snuggling back against him, as Ben circles his arm protectively around her belly. "You might just need to remind me about some of it. Or tell me what happened tomorrow if I fall asleep."
"Of course I will," he promises, unpausing the screen so that the Daleks can threaten the Ninth Doctor and Rose with extermination again. All the while, Leslie continues to giggle quietly next to him.
"Babe. Seriously. It's not a toilet plunger penis," Ben tells her, but even as he says the words, he can't help laughing too.