A Pawnee Christmas Carol 3/5
Title: A Pawnee Christmas Carol 3/5
Pairing: Leslie/Ben
Rating: R (this part)
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 4 | Part 5
Ghost of Christmas Present:
Ben awakes with a start from one of the weirdest dreams he's ever had.
Chris was here riding an exercise bike and explaining about Christmas ghosts, and then Jean-Ralphio of all people, was taking Ben on a tour of his depressing Christmas's past. And offering to set him up with his sister? He's never even met her, but that can't be good, right? Ben shudders at that thought.
What was in those cookies that Chris sent him?
"You're up. It's about time, man."
The sudden intrusion when he's just about convinced himself that everything has been a dream--a weird disruption brought on by some undigested flaxseed cookie in his gut, makes him scream in surprise.
Ben quickly turns on a light to see....Sewage Joe? Yep, the former Pawnee waste management department employee is sitting on the edge of his bed, Ben's laptop out and open. He's watching something on the small screen....wait.
What?
"Is that..." Ben sits up and peers at the laptop more closely, and then he wishes he didn't. A naked woman is on all-fours and wearing a Mrs. Claus hat, while Santa Claus is behind her, pounding away. A bunch of elves are gathered around them watching, throwing shiny streams of tinsel on the Claus's coupling. "Oh god, you're watching gross Christmas porn on my computer."
"Well, I had to do something to kill the time. You were just lying there."
"I was sleeping," Ben tells his visitor sarcastically.
Joe shrugs and points to the screen, "The little people make it festive. So does the tinsel." He snaps the laptop shut. "But now that you're up, I suppose we should get going."
"Okay," Ben sighs. "Fine. I get it. You win. This is A Christmas Carol. You're the Ghost of Christmas Present. Let's get this over with." He reaches out and grabs Joe's arm.
"Dude, what do you think are you doing?"
"Don't I have to touch you for this to work?"
"No you don't. Weirdo. Just come on," Joe says as he gets up and walks out of Ben's bedroom. Ben follows and--
steps right into Leslie's living room.
"What the...?"
"Yeah, I was surprised too. You and Knope were bumping uglies, huh?"
Ben's brow furrows as he watches himself and Leslie walk through her front door just seconds later. Without even being told (not that after his previous encounter, he expects the ghosts to have any actual clue as to what is going on), he remembers this day perfectly. It was last spring, a Sunday afternoon, right after a sneaky lunch out in the next town over. As soon as they're inside, they're giggling and kissing.
"We should spend the holidays together," Leslie tells him, maneuvering them around a three-foot pile of old Indianapolis Star newspapers. She brushes her lips against his chin, then his mouth, all while running her hands over his ass as they stumble and grope their way towards the couch.
"Leslie, it's May," Ben responds trying not to laugh. God. He looks so happy. She looks so happy--it's hard to believe that he's watching his life from just seven months ago.
"I know. But it's never too early to plan. I mean, I love Christmas. Don't you? The twinkling lights, the food, the presents. The mistletoe." She grins before pulling on his tan jacket and leading him in for another kiss.
"Mistletoe, huh?" Ben teases.
Leslie nods. "Plus, you live in Pawnee now--the best city in the whole world."
"I do."
"And of course, I live in Pawnee," she answers suggestively.
"Also true," Ben says with another grin, before tugging her blazer off her shoulders.
"So, we can have Thanksgiving together. Well roast a turkey, I'll make pumpkin pie. You like pumpkin pie, right? I mean, you're not going to insist on some ridiculous pumpkin calzone or something like that, right?"
"I like pumpkin pie," Ben assures her, trying not to laugh. "That sounds nice."
"And we'll spend Christmas here too. Unless you need to go home to Minnesota?"
Ben shrugs. "That's not really my home anymore."
"Where's home?" Leslie asks him, trying not to grin.
"Here."
"See, it's perfect! I'll have a Christmas tree--"
"Where?" Ben interrupts with a smirk, looking around her messy living room.
"Shut up. Like I said, I'll have at least one tree and we'll stay in, build a fire, and make out in front of the fireplace, by all the twinkling lights. It'll be festive. Especially with all the tinsel."
Sewage Joe turns to Ben as if to say, See?, and then ruins the moment by leaning in further and whispering, "Hey, is her dumpster as killer as I think it is?" When Ben doesn't answer, Joe just leers at the scene before them and adds, "So, speaking of the back door, did you ever get in--"
"Oh my god. I am absolutely not discussing this with you. And I want you to stop...making this happen," he gestures to the couch, where he and Leslie are now cuddling, kissing, and grinding against each other. Ben starts untucking her blouse, his other hand rubbing between Leslie's legs, and even over her pants, it's making her gasp and moan and Ben can remember it all so clearly. Feel her warmth under his fingertips like it was yesterday.
Ben also remembers that in a few minutes, Leslie's pants and underwear are going to be on the floor near the coffee table and his mouth is going to be buried between her thighs. He'd be lying if he said that he didn't really want to watch that right now, but there's no way that...
"You can't watch this," Ben insists to Sewage Joe, starting to move in front of the ex-waste management specialist to obstruct his view, just as another voice pipes in behind them with, "What the hell is going on here? Stop."
Much to his relief, the Leslie and Ben of last May disappear from the couch. Ben and Joe both turn around to see Ann Perkins walk toward them, pointing at Sewage Joe. "You are disgusting and you are not allowed to talk like that about my best friend. Or watch her and Ben do it on the couch. That is so unbelievably inappropriate."
"I'm just doing my job. Besides, he said I could," Joe says with a point towards Ben.
"No I did not! In fact, I said you couldn't watch! I was trying to--"
"Go. Go in there," Ann interrupts, pushing Sewage Joe towards the kitchen. "Do not touch anything. Do not do anything at all." As he starts to walk away, she adds, "And keep your pants on. And zipped."
"Oh thank god." Ben tells her when they're finally alone, feeling a wave of relief. "This has been such a strange night. First Chris stopped by and told me about Christmas ghosts, then Jean-Ralphio wanted to set me up with his sister, and--"
"You are an idiot," she says, smacking him in the arm with a small binder.
"Ow! Why?"
"You left. You moved away."
"How does that make me an idiot?" Ben asks.
Ann rolls her eyes.
"No, really? Just a few days before I decided to leave, Leslie stopped by and told me that the romantic part of our relationship was over. It felt like...god, it felt like she punched me in the stomach. So, what's in Pawnee for me now, Ann? And if I stayed, isn't that just being mean? To make her watch me date someone new eventually? I sure as hell don't want to watch her do that. So I left."
"It might have worked out."
"How? She's running for office. We had a secret sexual relationship while I was her boss. Tell me how that works out."
"I don't know," Ann responds. "But your plan obviously isn't working out. And Leslie is miserable too. So, this can't be right."
"Chris said I was on the wrong path," Ben tells her.
Ann nods.
As they're quietly sitting there on Leslie's couch, Ben really notices the binder in Ann's lap--the one she hit him with. It's the one Chris showed him briefly at he start of the evening.
At the top it reads: Training In Natural Yuletide, followed by the words Tools (for) Immersion Merriment, laid out vertically down the side in big letters.
"Tiny Tim," Ben mutters as it clicks in his head.
"Yep," Ann holds the binder up. "God bless us, every one."
"Fuck."
Ann nods sympathetically. "Chris likes acronyms. Oh, and I'm also supposed to say, God or whatever spiritual or non-spiritual deity you would like to acknowledge during this festive winter season. Chris added that last part. He also likes being inclusive."
Ben puts his head in his hands briefly, before asking tiredly, "Now what?"
"Well, obviously, I'll be filling in for that pig in there," she gestures towards Leslie's kitchen. "And there are a couple of things you still need to see."
"Okay," he agrees.
The fill-in Spirit of Christmas Present takes his hand gently and...they're in his old house--not the one in Minnesota, but the one he shared with April and Andy in Pawnee. The lights are off and everything is messy, with garbage all over the floor.
"Are they dead?" Ben asks, only half-joking.
"No. But, the power got shut off. So did the cable and water. They forgot to pay the bills."
"Frozen in the freezer?"
"Yep," Ann confirms.
Ben rubs his temple. "Okay. This is not my fault. I showed them how to do all of that. I'm not responsible if they--"
"That's not what I'm trying to show you here. I'm trying to show you that your presence in Pawnee mattered. That you affected people's lives, besides just Leslie. And when you left, that affected people too."
"Like in It's a Wonderful Life? I thought this was A Christmas Carol?"
"There's no reason it can't be a bit of both," Ann tells Ben as she takes his hand once again.
"Well," Ben pauses. "They're two different stories."
"But they're both about Christmas and family and love," Ann insists. "It's the same thing."
"No it's not--one is a study of Victorian-era Britain and the other is pure Americana. I don't even have time to continue to tell you how wrong you are. Actually, it's gonna bug me if I don't. Charles Dickens wrote--"
"Ben. Trust me. You don't have time."
And just like that, they're at Leslie's house again. Except now, Leslie's here too.
It's a shock to see her, as she is right now, sitting on the floor in front of her coffee table, while she works on her laptop. A pint of ice cream sits on the table next to her computer. There's a small Christmas tree on top of her bookshelf with a few halfheartedly placed decorations on it, and also a red and green afghan on her couch that Ben has never seen before.
"She looks fine," Ben comments.
"Well, she's not," Ann snaps back.
As they watch, Leslie takes a bite of ice cream and holds back a sob. She takes a deep breath and starts clicking on the keys.
"She eats ice cream for dinner. She bakes cheesecakes constantly now. She bakes when she's sad," Ann explains. "Well, also when she's happy, but now...she's really sad. Heartbroken. The other night she made me eat an entire cheesecake while we watched three Harry Potter movies. And she hardly has any Christmas decorations up. Leslie usually loves Christmas--she even has an elf outfit."
"You ate an entire cheesecake? Why didn't you just throw it away? Or only eat one piece?" Ben asks, unable to hide a small smile.
"Because with everything she's done for me, I would eat a ten cheesecakes for her. Also, PS, it was delicious and amazing, like everything she does. Listen, I know Leslie can be strong-willed and difficult, but this break-up has been really hard for her. She didn't really want it and she was acting out before you left because she missed being with you so much."
"You don't know that--"
"I do know that," Ann cuts him off. "And the point is, you need to tell her how you feel. Be honest. It was noble to break up with her when she decided to run for office, and you're a good guy for doing that, but obviously, this isn't working for either of you. Think back to all of your Christmas memories--I bet one of the happiest was the one you were planning to spend in Pawnee with Leslie this year."
"Even if that is true, what am I supposed to do?"
"Don't wait years to regret this, Ben. Tell her how you feel. Now. This Christmas," Ann suggests, before she gets up and leaves him sitting on Leslie's sofa, helplessly watching her sniffle and eat ice cream, unable to tell Leslie anything at all.
Part 4: The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come
Pairing: Leslie/Ben
Rating: R (this part)
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 4 | Part 5
Ghost of Christmas Present:
Ben awakes with a start from one of the weirdest dreams he's ever had.
Chris was here riding an exercise bike and explaining about Christmas ghosts, and then Jean-Ralphio of all people, was taking Ben on a tour of his depressing Christmas's past. And offering to set him up with his sister? He's never even met her, but that can't be good, right? Ben shudders at that thought.
What was in those cookies that Chris sent him?
"You're up. It's about time, man."
The sudden intrusion when he's just about convinced himself that everything has been a dream--a weird disruption brought on by some undigested flaxseed cookie in his gut, makes him scream in surprise.
Ben quickly turns on a light to see....Sewage Joe? Yep, the former Pawnee waste management department employee is sitting on the edge of his bed, Ben's laptop out and open. He's watching something on the small screen....wait.
What?
"Is that..." Ben sits up and peers at the laptop more closely, and then he wishes he didn't. A naked woman is on all-fours and wearing a Mrs. Claus hat, while Santa Claus is behind her, pounding away. A bunch of elves are gathered around them watching, throwing shiny streams of tinsel on the Claus's coupling. "Oh god, you're watching gross Christmas porn on my computer."
"Well, I had to do something to kill the time. You were just lying there."
"I was sleeping," Ben tells his visitor sarcastically.
Joe shrugs and points to the screen, "The little people make it festive. So does the tinsel." He snaps the laptop shut. "But now that you're up, I suppose we should get going."
"Okay," Ben sighs. "Fine. I get it. You win. This is A Christmas Carol. You're the Ghost of Christmas Present. Let's get this over with." He reaches out and grabs Joe's arm.
"Dude, what do you think are you doing?"
"Don't I have to touch you for this to work?"
"No you don't. Weirdo. Just come on," Joe says as he gets up and walks out of Ben's bedroom. Ben follows and--
steps right into Leslie's living room.
"What the...?"
"Yeah, I was surprised too. You and Knope were bumping uglies, huh?"
Ben's brow furrows as he watches himself and Leslie walk through her front door just seconds later. Without even being told (not that after his previous encounter, he expects the ghosts to have any actual clue as to what is going on), he remembers this day perfectly. It was last spring, a Sunday afternoon, right after a sneaky lunch out in the next town over. As soon as they're inside, they're giggling and kissing.
"We should spend the holidays together," Leslie tells him, maneuvering them around a three-foot pile of old Indianapolis Star newspapers. She brushes her lips against his chin, then his mouth, all while running her hands over his ass as they stumble and grope their way towards the couch.
"Leslie, it's May," Ben responds trying not to laugh. God. He looks so happy. She looks so happy--it's hard to believe that he's watching his life from just seven months ago.
"I know. But it's never too early to plan. I mean, I love Christmas. Don't you? The twinkling lights, the food, the presents. The mistletoe." She grins before pulling on his tan jacket and leading him in for another kiss.
"Mistletoe, huh?" Ben teases.
Leslie nods. "Plus, you live in Pawnee now--the best city in the whole world."
"I do."
"And of course, I live in Pawnee," she answers suggestively.
"Also true," Ben says with another grin, before tugging her blazer off her shoulders.
"So, we can have Thanksgiving together. Well roast a turkey, I'll make pumpkin pie. You like pumpkin pie, right? I mean, you're not going to insist on some ridiculous pumpkin calzone or something like that, right?"
"I like pumpkin pie," Ben assures her, trying not to laugh. "That sounds nice."
"And we'll spend Christmas here too. Unless you need to go home to Minnesota?"
Ben shrugs. "That's not really my home anymore."
"Where's home?" Leslie asks him, trying not to grin.
"Here."
"See, it's perfect! I'll have a Christmas tree--"
"Where?" Ben interrupts with a smirk, looking around her messy living room.
"Shut up. Like I said, I'll have at least one tree and we'll stay in, build a fire, and make out in front of the fireplace, by all the twinkling lights. It'll be festive. Especially with all the tinsel."
Sewage Joe turns to Ben as if to say, See?, and then ruins the moment by leaning in further and whispering, "Hey, is her dumpster as killer as I think it is?" When Ben doesn't answer, Joe just leers at the scene before them and adds, "So, speaking of the back door, did you ever get in--"
"Oh my god. I am absolutely not discussing this with you. And I want you to stop...making this happen," he gestures to the couch, where he and Leslie are now cuddling, kissing, and grinding against each other. Ben starts untucking her blouse, his other hand rubbing between Leslie's legs, and even over her pants, it's making her gasp and moan and Ben can remember it all so clearly. Feel her warmth under his fingertips like it was yesterday.
Ben also remembers that in a few minutes, Leslie's pants and underwear are going to be on the floor near the coffee table and his mouth is going to be buried between her thighs. He'd be lying if he said that he didn't really want to watch that right now, but there's no way that...
"You can't watch this," Ben insists to Sewage Joe, starting to move in front of the ex-waste management specialist to obstruct his view, just as another voice pipes in behind them with, "What the hell is going on here? Stop."
Much to his relief, the Leslie and Ben of last May disappear from the couch. Ben and Joe both turn around to see Ann Perkins walk toward them, pointing at Sewage Joe. "You are disgusting and you are not allowed to talk like that about my best friend. Or watch her and Ben do it on the couch. That is so unbelievably inappropriate."
"I'm just doing my job. Besides, he said I could," Joe says with a point towards Ben.
"No I did not! In fact, I said you couldn't watch! I was trying to--"
"Go. Go in there," Ann interrupts, pushing Sewage Joe towards the kitchen. "Do not touch anything. Do not do anything at all." As he starts to walk away, she adds, "And keep your pants on. And zipped."
"Oh thank god." Ben tells her when they're finally alone, feeling a wave of relief. "This has been such a strange night. First Chris stopped by and told me about Christmas ghosts, then Jean-Ralphio wanted to set me up with his sister, and--"
"You are an idiot," she says, smacking him in the arm with a small binder.
"Ow! Why?"
"You left. You moved away."
"How does that make me an idiot?" Ben asks.
Ann rolls her eyes.
"No, really? Just a few days before I decided to leave, Leslie stopped by and told me that the romantic part of our relationship was over. It felt like...god, it felt like she punched me in the stomach. So, what's in Pawnee for me now, Ann? And if I stayed, isn't that just being mean? To make her watch me date someone new eventually? I sure as hell don't want to watch her do that. So I left."
"It might have worked out."
"How? She's running for office. We had a secret sexual relationship while I was her boss. Tell me how that works out."
"I don't know," Ann responds. "But your plan obviously isn't working out. And Leslie is miserable too. So, this can't be right."
"Chris said I was on the wrong path," Ben tells her.
Ann nods.
As they're quietly sitting there on Leslie's couch, Ben really notices the binder in Ann's lap--the one she hit him with. It's the one Chris showed him briefly at he start of the evening.
At the top it reads: Training In Natural Yuletide, followed by the words Tools (for) Immersion Merriment, laid out vertically down the side in big letters.
"Tiny Tim," Ben mutters as it clicks in his head.
"Yep," Ann holds the binder up. "God bless us, every one."
"Fuck."
Ann nods sympathetically. "Chris likes acronyms. Oh, and I'm also supposed to say, God or whatever spiritual or non-spiritual deity you would like to acknowledge during this festive winter season. Chris added that last part. He also likes being inclusive."
Ben puts his head in his hands briefly, before asking tiredly, "Now what?"
"Well, obviously, I'll be filling in for that pig in there," she gestures towards Leslie's kitchen. "And there are a couple of things you still need to see."
"Okay," he agrees.
The fill-in Spirit of Christmas Present takes his hand gently and...they're in his old house--not the one in Minnesota, but the one he shared with April and Andy in Pawnee. The lights are off and everything is messy, with garbage all over the floor.
"Are they dead?" Ben asks, only half-joking.
"No. But, the power got shut off. So did the cable and water. They forgot to pay the bills."
"Frozen in the freezer?"
"Yep," Ann confirms.
Ben rubs his temple. "Okay. This is not my fault. I showed them how to do all of that. I'm not responsible if they--"
"That's not what I'm trying to show you here. I'm trying to show you that your presence in Pawnee mattered. That you affected people's lives, besides just Leslie. And when you left, that affected people too."
"Like in It's a Wonderful Life? I thought this was A Christmas Carol?"
"There's no reason it can't be a bit of both," Ann tells Ben as she takes his hand once again.
"Well," Ben pauses. "They're two different stories."
"But they're both about Christmas and family and love," Ann insists. "It's the same thing."
"No it's not--one is a study of Victorian-era Britain and the other is pure Americana. I don't even have time to continue to tell you how wrong you are. Actually, it's gonna bug me if I don't. Charles Dickens wrote--"
"Ben. Trust me. You don't have time."
And just like that, they're at Leslie's house again. Except now, Leslie's here too.
It's a shock to see her, as she is right now, sitting on the floor in front of her coffee table, while she works on her laptop. A pint of ice cream sits on the table next to her computer. There's a small Christmas tree on top of her bookshelf with a few halfheartedly placed decorations on it, and also a red and green afghan on her couch that Ben has never seen before.
"She looks fine," Ben comments.
"Well, she's not," Ann snaps back.
As they watch, Leslie takes a bite of ice cream and holds back a sob. She takes a deep breath and starts clicking on the keys.
"She eats ice cream for dinner. She bakes cheesecakes constantly now. She bakes when she's sad," Ann explains. "Well, also when she's happy, but now...she's really sad. Heartbroken. The other night she made me eat an entire cheesecake while we watched three Harry Potter movies. And she hardly has any Christmas decorations up. Leslie usually loves Christmas--she even has an elf outfit."
"You ate an entire cheesecake? Why didn't you just throw it away? Or only eat one piece?" Ben asks, unable to hide a small smile.
"Because with everything she's done for me, I would eat a ten cheesecakes for her. Also, PS, it was delicious and amazing, like everything she does. Listen, I know Leslie can be strong-willed and difficult, but this break-up has been really hard for her. She didn't really want it and she was acting out before you left because she missed being with you so much."
"You don't know that--"
"I do know that," Ann cuts him off. "And the point is, you need to tell her how you feel. Be honest. It was noble to break up with her when she decided to run for office, and you're a good guy for doing that, but obviously, this isn't working for either of you. Think back to all of your Christmas memories--I bet one of the happiest was the one you were planning to spend in Pawnee with Leslie this year."
"Even if that is true, what am I supposed to do?"
"Don't wait years to regret this, Ben. Tell her how you feel. Now. This Christmas," Ann suggests, before she gets up and leaves him sitting on Leslie's sofa, helplessly watching her sniffle and eat ice cream, unable to tell Leslie anything at all.
Part 4: The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come