there really is nothing like...
..having someone shit-talk you to make you question if, maybe, you actually are a waste of life.
i've been of the opinion for awhile that i'm doing my best at life. i've hit a number of snags, and i've tried to respond to them adequately. my school path derailed awhile ago, and i've been kind of in limbo trying to figure out what to do. i guess the only thing to do is to persist and do whatever it takes to get through pharmacy school, because it's the only professional career that i could ever see myself doing - the only thing that would give me a viable, sustainable income.
loreal's mother and her boyfriend came to my house while we were away for the weekend to let my dog out, and ended up calling me in new york to tell me that the dog had been bleeding, and to tell me to come home immediately. instead of driving six hours back, i had my friend go over to check on the dog, he ended up being okay, but i ultimately was on the receiving end of a diatribe concerning the condition of the house and my apparent mistreatment of the dog. during it, my ability to provide and sustain for a family was questioned, and it did kind of make me take a step back and evaluate what my life must look like from an outsider's perspective. i hate to say that i took anything positive away from the entire fiasco, but i did end up filling out new loan papers for school.
from my perspective, things just haven't really looked dire. i make decent money; the only reason i can't really view the computer repair gig as a career is because of my lack of organizational skill. i've probably done more harm than good working at the computer shop. plus, despite having made conscious attempts to dissuade myself from it, i do take the job with a grain of salt because i've been friends with my employer for twelve years or so. hence, i act like there's no consequences for my actions. i try, i really do, to conduct myself in a professional manner.. sometimes it doesn't shine through.
i guess it boils down to the fact that i had solid goals in place three years ago, and through a sequence of events, it's gone to complete shit. i've spent too much time on the rebuilding step, and now it's been brought to my attention that makes me look like a worthless bum.
i've been of the opinion for awhile that i'm doing my best at life. i've hit a number of snags, and i've tried to respond to them adequately. my school path derailed awhile ago, and i've been kind of in limbo trying to figure out what to do. i guess the only thing to do is to persist and do whatever it takes to get through pharmacy school, because it's the only professional career that i could ever see myself doing - the only thing that would give me a viable, sustainable income.
loreal's mother and her boyfriend came to my house while we were away for the weekend to let my dog out, and ended up calling me in new york to tell me that the dog had been bleeding, and to tell me to come home immediately. instead of driving six hours back, i had my friend go over to check on the dog, he ended up being okay, but i ultimately was on the receiving end of a diatribe concerning the condition of the house and my apparent mistreatment of the dog. during it, my ability to provide and sustain for a family was questioned, and it did kind of make me take a step back and evaluate what my life must look like from an outsider's perspective. i hate to say that i took anything positive away from the entire fiasco, but i did end up filling out new loan papers for school.
from my perspective, things just haven't really looked dire. i make decent money; the only reason i can't really view the computer repair gig as a career is because of my lack of organizational skill. i've probably done more harm than good working at the computer shop. plus, despite having made conscious attempts to dissuade myself from it, i do take the job with a grain of salt because i've been friends with my employer for twelve years or so. hence, i act like there's no consequences for my actions. i try, i really do, to conduct myself in a professional manner.. sometimes it doesn't shine through.
i guess it boils down to the fact that i had solid goals in place three years ago, and through a sequence of events, it's gone to complete shit. i've spent too much time on the rebuilding step, and now it's been brought to my attention that makes me look like a worthless bum.