(no subject)
last night i had a really sweet dream. i dreamt that everything was alright again. i was studying hard, we stayed in touch. everyone was happy. life was going so so well. it took me quite a while to realise this morning that it was all a dream.
i haven't been studying much. lost steam after the first day. found myself more excuses to slack, fall asleep or read magazines. :X i'm damn bloody screwed for block tests. but i wonder, why do i fear the block tests? I mean, they're just tests, they're not even exams. maybe it's the realisation that i may not be good enough for the system. :X
damn. i just want a simple life. i don't have lofty ambitions. i just want to take things slowly.
i'm such a bloody loser. why can't i devote some of that concentration i have to studying?
it doesn't help reading those good essays and not understanding a word. i'm so envious of their knowledge of the books and their use of language. why can't i be as proficient as them? i only need half of their competence. the only consolation i have for myself- i have a social life, i'm not a nerd, a mugger. but even that is slowly disappearing and grossly pathetic. gosh. i'm nothing when compared to them.
we laugh. but maybe we should stop lying to ourselves.