TOEFL is cooomingggg
woooooooo!!!!!!
my TOEFL test day is getting closer and closer and closer -- this friday..
Well, i can proudly say that i've completed the book and all the exercises in it. I've studied the words, i've been writing all those essays, listening&reading comprehension, etc.
although i am sure i'm ready, there is something that i always feel before exams. This anxiety that comes somewhere from my stomach. I don't want to eat, but then i feel desperately hungry and i quickly stuff myself with whatever i see. this gives me the rushes on my skin ... makes me break the my nails and do other randomly stupid stuff.
my host family... is busy looking for the house here in Houston. they've decided to move for sure and they quickly figuring out allthe school system, they've just taken children to 3-hour test and now.. they're picking the house to rent for a year. I live in adventure, but i am hoping to get back to CA as sooner as possible. I'm not sure if i'll there for my 21st b-day. I WANT IT SO MUCH>>>>> Al is all in depression about it, but-- what can i do? it feels weird..
I've taken some of the house we're staying in now - it's GORGEOUS!
and, if all the random thoughts started coming to my mind -why not mentioned this.. Yesterday my Host Dad came to me for a talk. He's been telling me all this time how impressed he is with me and my studying [i know, i would just SIT, just press my butt to the couch and STUDY words, do tests, learn, read instead of partying, going to the pool, running around, chatting with boys, etc.] So he asked me a couple times to join their family for a second year, which i refused, but he said he's not offended as he knows and realizes i want something else. -
- Yes, i don't want another au-pair year. What to do? i don't know. More and more i want to go back for a year and be back to university, mostly because of my family - my mom&my grands. They miss me so hard... And i miss them too.
What will i do? well, i'll study and do the tutoring thing just as i've been doing. Then probably get back here -- if it'll be possible. I know usually it's impossible to get back. but probably if i set up my education and THEN leave to russia and change my visa in Russia, then maybe it'll make sense. What to do with Al, i don't know... When i try to tell him this, he starts sobing or arguing with me, so we switch the topic.
BUT! i need to solve this, both sides are pulling me and they pull me in different directions....
So, the Host Dad - he wants to help me with College. He said he is really grateful to me for what i've done for his children and as i want this new step now, he wants to help me make it. And i know he will. So this was a great support. The only thing is to decide WHICH college i want to apply to -- i was actually aiming at Foothill as at 4-year bachelor, but seems to me he was not really happy for me to go there. So now i need to investigate WHERE to apply with my TOEFL score . I know it's so embarrasing to admit that i've been here for a year and have never moved in this direction. I can admit it - it is STUPID OF ME. I AM WRONG. BUT that's why am about to lose the opportunity. and that's why i can't find the family - i simply don't want to do it again.
Al keeps saying: Come back to me, i'm here alone, but feels like he doesn't understand it's not me who decides.... I want to have "legs" in this country. I want to be movable, I'm not sure how much it's going to cost me, but if the price is too high, i'll give up.
my TOEFL test day is getting closer and closer and closer -- this friday..
Well, i can proudly say that i've completed the book and all the exercises in it. I've studied the words, i've been writing all those essays, listening&reading comprehension, etc.
although i am sure i'm ready, there is something that i always feel before exams. This anxiety that comes somewhere from my stomach. I don't want to eat, but then i feel desperately hungry and i quickly stuff myself with whatever i see. this gives me the rushes on my skin ... makes me break the my nails and do other randomly stupid stuff.
my host family... is busy looking for the house here in Houston. they've decided to move for sure and they quickly figuring out allthe school system, they've just taken children to 3-hour test and now.. they're picking the house to rent for a year. I live in adventure, but i am hoping to get back to CA as sooner as possible. I'm not sure if i'll there for my 21st b-day. I WANT IT SO MUCH>>>>> Al is all in depression about it, but-- what can i do? it feels weird..
I've taken some of the house we're staying in now - it's GORGEOUS!
and, if all the random thoughts started coming to my mind -why not mentioned this.. Yesterday my Host Dad came to me for a talk. He's been telling me all this time how impressed he is with me and my studying [i know, i would just SIT, just press my butt to the couch and STUDY words, do tests, learn, read instead of partying, going to the pool, running around, chatting with boys, etc.] So he asked me a couple times to join their family for a second year, which i refused, but he said he's not offended as he knows and realizes i want something else. -
- Yes, i don't want another au-pair year. What to do? i don't know. More and more i want to go back for a year and be back to university, mostly because of my family - my mom&my grands. They miss me so hard... And i miss them too.
What will i do? well, i'll study and do the tutoring thing just as i've been doing. Then probably get back here -- if it'll be possible. I know usually it's impossible to get back. but probably if i set up my education and THEN leave to russia and change my visa in Russia, then maybe it'll make sense. What to do with Al, i don't know... When i try to tell him this, he starts sobing or arguing with me, so we switch the topic.
BUT! i need to solve this, both sides are pulling me and they pull me in different directions....
So, the Host Dad - he wants to help me with College. He said he is really grateful to me for what i've done for his children and as i want this new step now, he wants to help me make it. And i know he will. So this was a great support. The only thing is to decide WHICH college i want to apply to -- i was actually aiming at Foothill as at 4-year bachelor, but seems to me he was not really happy for me to go there. So now i need to investigate WHERE to apply with my TOEFL score . I know it's so embarrasing to admit that i've been here for a year and have never moved in this direction. I can admit it - it is STUPID OF ME. I AM WRONG. BUT that's why am about to lose the opportunity. and that's why i can't find the family - i simply don't want to do it again.
Al keeps saying: Come back to me, i'm here alone, but feels like he doesn't understand it's not me who decides.... I want to have "legs" in this country. I want to be movable, I'm not sure how much it's going to cost me, but if the price is too high, i'll give up.