a time to let go...
its disturbing to me when i am alone. i dont think that i have ever felt so alone. my phone minutes are low, which is normally not true around this time (my minutes roll over on the 15th of every month). do you ever feel alone even when there are tons of people around you? i do. sometimes i think that i am depressed. i sometimes think of ways to hurt myself...but it wouldnt do any good. have you ever felt like a waste of space? a waste of life? its funny that everybody tells me i am going to make something of myself...sometimes i believe them, more times i laugh at them. everybody thinks that i have my shit together...i am barely holding myself together. i was happy once. i have no idea what happened, but i have lost everything...
i have lost adam...
he is gone, he is out "testing the waters". he could have loved me once, but now that i think about it. it wasnt love for me, it was love for my body. all he wanted was sex. i was stupid and gave it to him. shit happens. you live and learn. i left him a message on his broken phone saying that i didnt get laid by him, i was going to find someone else. well that was a lame way to get him to call. it was a waste. i dont really have a desire for any guy to touch me again. why? i only end up hurt. there is no point to a relationship where one person loves another and the other people can not return the love. so i guess its time to let him go. he doesnt want to be with me anyway. he has already shown me that many times over again. i was stupid for believing that he was different. it started out different, but i guess all relationships in my world end the same. i cry and become a cold-hearted bitch again. i should become a lesbian...maybe than things would be different, but that idea makes me sick. i am a little to crazy about the dick. adam's for that matter. the more i think about him (which is everyday) i make myself crazy. crazy. love does that.
i have to leave now, i always get the feeling someone is reading over my shoulder. it makes me nervous. well, i am out. i am going to get my ears pierced today! i am going all out this summer. losing my mind and damaging my body.
i love you adam...to bad it wasnt vice versa.
i dont want to be alone anymore...
little over a month until im back in michigan! i cant wait to see everybody. call me. my phone is always on
i have lost adam...
he is gone, he is out "testing the waters". he could have loved me once, but now that i think about it. it wasnt love for me, it was love for my body. all he wanted was sex. i was stupid and gave it to him. shit happens. you live and learn. i left him a message on his broken phone saying that i didnt get laid by him, i was going to find someone else. well that was a lame way to get him to call. it was a waste. i dont really have a desire for any guy to touch me again. why? i only end up hurt. there is no point to a relationship where one person loves another and the other people can not return the love. so i guess its time to let him go. he doesnt want to be with me anyway. he has already shown me that many times over again. i was stupid for believing that he was different. it started out different, but i guess all relationships in my world end the same. i cry and become a cold-hearted bitch again. i should become a lesbian...maybe than things would be different, but that idea makes me sick. i am a little to crazy about the dick. adam's for that matter. the more i think about him (which is everyday) i make myself crazy. crazy. love does that.
i have to leave now, i always get the feeling someone is reading over my shoulder. it makes me nervous. well, i am out. i am going to get my ears pierced today! i am going all out this summer. losing my mind and damaging my body.
i love you adam...to bad it wasnt vice versa.
i dont want to be alone anymore...
little over a month until im back in michigan! i cant wait to see everybody. call me. my phone is always on