No more sign of the MARTian sasquatch.
"Success is the space one occupies in the newspaper." -- Elias Canetti
Now that I've quoted someone you've never heard of, I'll be brief.
(Haha, I'm good, aren't I?)
Most people view success as something measured by money, happiness, family, school, and/or job title. (Neff doesn't count as most people.) However, my view of success has always been slightly different: Living in Britain and owning a VW Beetle with a few bestsellers under my belt. While the bestsellers have now just become a wish, I have already achieved my ideal: I have been to Britain and I now own a yellow 2004 Beetle. Now my ideal is living comfortably in Chelsea with many successful bands and hopefully a bestseller or two. However, I know I'll never, ever live in Chelsea unless I marry into nobility. And I'm still a bloody American.
I'm so much more independent than I was even a year ago. I used to be "the cute one" who had to depend on everyone for a ride everywhere, and I still carried around the brick, if we hadn't killed it off yet. Aside from being "the cute one," I was still trying honestly to hold onto the innocence I felt defined me so much. I was who I thought I was supposed to be, not who I really am. The real me was inside, screaming, trying so hard to rip the packing tape I had effortlessly placed. In Atlanta next year, if I hadn't grown up any this year, I'd end up on the news as another GSU victim; it needed to happen even if I were going to Evansville. But enough about that: I'm no longer repressed; Freud would be proud.
I lost a few friends -by choice- this year, although it wasn't easy; it was better to lose them, I've decided, than have a "friendship" where all we do is talk bad about the other. It was time awhile back to lose those friendships, the drama, but really, I couldn't then due to politics. Now high school is the past, and I can cleanse my life of whatever I feel like. And all of you are first. Goodbye. I don't need you anymore.
Hahaha. I joke, I joke. (Really.)
I've become more aware than I was last year. In government, I have tried to look from both sides (but that really came from the Republican views of Mrs. Brown), but I still maintain my centrality. It's important to be open-minded about certain issues. I learned patience and the importance of practice, working toward goals in orchestra. Aside from that, I don't think I grew much in any class. I definitely didn't learn anything worthwhile in English or Econ. (Do we know yet if she's fired?)
But I've learned more than ever outside of school. Having a boyfriend helps a lot. Eric's made me look him in the eye and made sure I tell him when something bothers me. He won't let me skirt around it; he's making me more assertive. He doesn't want a doormat for a girlfriend-or really, he cares too much about me to let me be walked all over. He makes me let out my emotions, and I can feel comfortable telling him these things. I would have resorted to all sorts of despicable means of relaxation/calming if I didn't have him this year - in other words, I might be in rehab if I didn't have him or even the few select people who might not even know they were important this year because of all the problems I've had with life. (Trust me, it's not overdramatization. I know the right people for that to be possible.)
I've had several problems with my parents this year; less with my father, more with my mother. I won't go into them here, but I've had to deal with their image change: As my view on the world changed from Happy Happy LaLa Land, I saw people for what they really are. It's a difficult matter with which to deal when your "heroes," for lack of a much better word are no longer that. Luckily, I've made progress with my mother; my father's relationship with me only digresses. In this past year I have made myself come to terms with the fact that he will never be satisfied with what I do and stupid things will always outweigh the more important details.
My brother and sister (the bitch she is currently) have become more important to me. I've taken more of a positive role in their lives, especially Justin's. Next year'll be difficult for him without me here all the time to check his homework and make sure he's showered. I hope one of my roommates is very girly, because my sister (and sometimes Sally) was my fashion/girly consultant. I would run into her room anytime I were dressing up or doing my hair to make sure that I didn't look like some dirty French whore. I love them dearly, and I'm even going to bring them with me for sleepovers next year. It'd mean the world to them. They need more of a positive influence in their lives, and I need to show them that I will be there for them, despite being thirty miles away.
College is almost here. I'm already packing, because I'll never get packed if I don't start immediately. I'm selling things I pack-ratted for so long because I have had to redefine what is important to me. I'm giving away toys I thought I wanted - Pok
Now that I've quoted someone you've never heard of, I'll be brief.
(Haha, I'm good, aren't I?)
Most people view success as something measured by money, happiness, family, school, and/or job title. (Neff doesn't count as most people.) However, my view of success has always been slightly different: Living in Britain and owning a VW Beetle with a few bestsellers under my belt. While the bestsellers have now just become a wish, I have already achieved my ideal: I have been to Britain and I now own a yellow 2004 Beetle. Now my ideal is living comfortably in Chelsea with many successful bands and hopefully a bestseller or two. However, I know I'll never, ever live in Chelsea unless I marry into nobility. And I'm still a bloody American.
I'm so much more independent than I was even a year ago. I used to be "the cute one" who had to depend on everyone for a ride everywhere, and I still carried around the brick, if we hadn't killed it off yet. Aside from being "the cute one," I was still trying honestly to hold onto the innocence I felt defined me so much. I was who I thought I was supposed to be, not who I really am. The real me was inside, screaming, trying so hard to rip the packing tape I had effortlessly placed. In Atlanta next year, if I hadn't grown up any this year, I'd end up on the news as another GSU victim; it needed to happen even if I were going to Evansville. But enough about that: I'm no longer repressed; Freud would be proud.
I lost a few friends -by choice- this year, although it wasn't easy; it was better to lose them, I've decided, than have a "friendship" where all we do is talk bad about the other. It was time awhile back to lose those friendships, the drama, but really, I couldn't then due to politics. Now high school is the past, and I can cleanse my life of whatever I feel like. And all of you are first. Goodbye. I don't need you anymore.
Hahaha. I joke, I joke. (Really.)
I've become more aware than I was last year. In government, I have tried to look from both sides (but that really came from the Republican views of Mrs. Brown), but I still maintain my centrality. It's important to be open-minded about certain issues. I learned patience and the importance of practice, working toward goals in orchestra. Aside from that, I don't think I grew much in any class. I definitely didn't learn anything worthwhile in English or Econ. (Do we know yet if she's fired?)
But I've learned more than ever outside of school. Having a boyfriend helps a lot. Eric's made me look him in the eye and made sure I tell him when something bothers me. He won't let me skirt around it; he's making me more assertive. He doesn't want a doormat for a girlfriend-or really, he cares too much about me to let me be walked all over. He makes me let out my emotions, and I can feel comfortable telling him these things. I would have resorted to all sorts of despicable means of relaxation/calming if I didn't have him this year - in other words, I might be in rehab if I didn't have him or even the few select people who might not even know they were important this year because of all the problems I've had with life. (Trust me, it's not overdramatization. I know the right people for that to be possible.)
I've had several problems with my parents this year; less with my father, more with my mother. I won't go into them here, but I've had to deal with their image change: As my view on the world changed from Happy Happy LaLa Land, I saw people for what they really are. It's a difficult matter with which to deal when your "heroes," for lack of a much better word are no longer that. Luckily, I've made progress with my mother; my father's relationship with me only digresses. In this past year I have made myself come to terms with the fact that he will never be satisfied with what I do and stupid things will always outweigh the more important details.
My brother and sister (the bitch she is currently) have become more important to me. I've taken more of a positive role in their lives, especially Justin's. Next year'll be difficult for him without me here all the time to check his homework and make sure he's showered. I hope one of my roommates is very girly, because my sister (and sometimes Sally) was my fashion/girly consultant. I would run into her room anytime I were dressing up or doing my hair to make sure that I didn't look like some dirty French whore. I love them dearly, and I'm even going to bring them with me for sleepovers next year. It'd mean the world to them. They need more of a positive influence in their lives, and I need to show them that I will be there for them, despite being thirty miles away.
College is almost here. I'm already packing, because I'll never get packed if I don't start immediately. I'm selling things I pack-ratted for so long because I have had to redefine what is important to me. I'm giving away toys I thought I wanted - Pok