I do not know how to be more sorry
He hung himself.
He was so happy to be anywhere new, doing anything new.
He would lie SO flat up on the little bathroom window.
He would coo at anyone he could see from the kitchen.
He would play tag under the bathroom door.
I let him hang himself.
He loved the outside so much, I felt horrible keeping him caged inside forever.
And so I bought him a noose - a harness - designed specifically to avoid this.
He was such a chin cat. Ears cat. Belly cat.
he would lie facing upwards and crawl using the bottom of the kitchen chairs.
When he was little - so little ago - he would sleep on my pillow beside me.
This morning, he didn't curl up into john's vacated spot in the bed.
He didn't pose lion-king style on my chest to watch the bus.
He won't welcome me home at the door.
It already feels so wrong in this house.
There is no more cooing.
Instead I'm haunted by visions of him hanging there
To the last second I thought the harness had worked.
I jokingly called out to john to take a look
and as I picked him up
so much was wrong
I'll never forget how it felt to pick him up
I swear
I felt a heartbeat just then, but he never took another breath
I'm so sorry, Zeno.
I'm so sorry for failing you. It was so preventable.
I'm so broken right now.
I've never dug a grave before.
He was so beautiful, and had such a personality
I raised him and it's
my fault
he died.
I'm so sorry
he was so young...
cooing at you from above the kitchen cupboards
meowling all night for attention
catnaps with four paws right in the air
two paws on your lap, watching you do absolutely anything
Running laps of the house
knocking over every damn unattended water glass
licking window-mist, plastic bags, your entire hand...
playing almost-fetch
attempting somersaults whenever he saw you
so happy. So much life in one little body.
and then evaporated... into memories
with a thin nylon rope
I can't think about what I would give to take back such a horrible mistake
I'm sorry if I am not the same for a while, my friends
I've lost something more dear to me then I was able to recognize
I'm sorry, Zeno.
I love you so much.
He was so happy to be anywhere new, doing anything new.
He would lie SO flat up on the little bathroom window.
He would coo at anyone he could see from the kitchen.
He would play tag under the bathroom door.
I let him hang himself.
He loved the outside so much, I felt horrible keeping him caged inside forever.
And so I bought him a noose - a harness - designed specifically to avoid this.
He was such a chin cat. Ears cat. Belly cat.
he would lie facing upwards and crawl using the bottom of the kitchen chairs.
When he was little - so little ago - he would sleep on my pillow beside me.
This morning, he didn't curl up into john's vacated spot in the bed.
He didn't pose lion-king style on my chest to watch the bus.
He won't welcome me home at the door.
It already feels so wrong in this house.
There is no more cooing.
Instead I'm haunted by visions of him hanging there
To the last second I thought the harness had worked.
I jokingly called out to john to take a look
and as I picked him up
so much was wrong
I'll never forget how it felt to pick him up
I swear
I felt a heartbeat just then, but he never took another breath
I'm so sorry, Zeno.
I'm so sorry for failing you. It was so preventable.
I'm so broken right now.
I've never dug a grave before.
He was so beautiful, and had such a personality
I raised him and it's
my fault
he died.
I'm so sorry
he was so young...
cooing at you from above the kitchen cupboards
meowling all night for attention
catnaps with four paws right in the air
two paws on your lap, watching you do absolutely anything
Running laps of the house
knocking over every damn unattended water glass
licking window-mist, plastic bags, your entire hand...
playing almost-fetch
attempting somersaults whenever he saw you
so happy. So much life in one little body.
and then evaporated... into memories
with a thin nylon rope
I can't think about what I would give to take back such a horrible mistake
I'm sorry if I am not the same for a while, my friends
I've lost something more dear to me then I was able to recognize
I'm sorry, Zeno.
I love you so much.