I Look In The Mirror... I See A Lynx.
Thursday, April 1st 2010 at 2:37am
Lynx writes me... On April 1st 2010 at 2:34pm
Hi Nuria,
Sorry for the long delay before this reply. I've been kept busy with many things, but happily, one major thing is that things with this "superb prospect" seem to be looking up. :D More on that later.
"I did get him to do a little role playing with me. I just sorta started it off out of the blue while we were making out and said, “I don't think this is an appropriate way to put your little sister to bed.” He laughed uproariously, which made me feel silly, but once he finally stopped laughing he played along. I was insanely aroused the entire time, although I didn't orgasm I enjoyed in immensely, and it gave me a lot of hope towards what I can grow to expect in bed."
Mmm, kinky... *grins wickedly* I can't say I've ever done any of those kinds of roleplays. I tend to prefer more "scene" based roleplays, like a female soldier being... "interrogated".
"He's realized how much more likely I am to cum when being choked... Which is an awesome realization for him to have."
Out of curiosity, do you mean literally being "choked"? As in, enough pressure is put on your airway to obstruct your breathing? I can understand the appeal of it, although I believe that's too dangerous to indulge in. I like holding my slave's neck during sex, but it's typically at the side so there's no risk of obstructing her airways, since the signs of asphyxiation can be easily missed in the passion of sex.
"I think everyone just needs to get laid more. If everybody was fucking, there'd be no time for war. *laughs*"
Can't argue with that! *chuckles* Although that would also result in a lot more people in the world, which isn't a good thing. Our current population is already straining the Earth's resources to its breaking point.
"As all men know, balls smell potently, almost all the time. And as any woman whose given head knows, it's one of the hardest things to deal with when trying to give head. So being all soaped up and fresh makes the experience almost one-hundred-percent different."
Yeah. That part of the body does have quite a lot of sweat glands, and because the groin is frequently covered up by clothing, it traps sweat and odours quite effectively. One thing I wonder is whether hair is also a contributing factor. I have noticed that my ex used to smell much better when she was shaved than not, although that might just be a psychological factor; I love a shaved woman. *wicked grin*
In any case though, I heartily agree! Giving head is best during or just after your lover has showered. I find I can really smell my slave the best during those times; her personal scent that is, unmasked by any perfumes, sweat etc.
"I don't mind not reaching orgasm during sex, but for some reason, not reaching climax during oral sex makes me extremely frustrated, and even angry feeling."
Hmm... I think it might be because while normal intercourse is a shared act of pleasure between both partners, oral sex is purely an effort to give pleasure to one person. You don't mind not reaching orgasm during sex because of your submissive nature; to your mind, it becomes an act of pleasing your Master. During oral sex, however, the emphasis is purely on giving you pleasure, and when it doesn't happen, it creates a feeling of frustration and maybe even failure.
That said, as your experience with Paladin showed, it can still be wonderful as a lead-up to coitus, just not an end in itself. :)
"Although, if you think about walking down a path through the forest, you could turn off that path at any time and wander through the trees in the same direction and even criss-cross and weave over the path you were on without ever returning to it fully."
As long as we're moving in the same general direction, hmm? *grins*
"I often wonder if I had never gotten pregnant if he and I would have never broken up. I was so madly in love with him, and I still look back and wonder what more I could have done... I feel like I failed to help him understand himself... Like that was my purpose, and I feel like I failed at that. I often hope that he's looking back on the relationship he and I had and that he's learning from the memories the same way I am."
You did all that you could, Nuria. You know that as well as I do. I used to (and sometimes still do) feel that way about my ex. I wondered where I had gone wrong, where I had failed her. She was quite child-like in many ways, and while this was part of her charm and appeal, I also felt it was my duty to do my best to try to groom her into adulthood, to prepare her for the day when she would become not only my slave, but my wife.
I do not know why she turned away from me. *shakes his head sadly* Perhaps she was afraid of the enormity of the future we were building together. Maybe she just was not ready for it yet. Recently though, I've had the feeling that it was because I had taught her all that she needed, and vice versa, and there was nothing more we could offer each other. She has said to me that I taught her a lot about love, about how to feel pride in herself again. Like you, I hope she also looks back on our time together and learns from the memories we shared. I have grave fears about that though. In the time since we've broken up, she's already gone through two torrid flings with others, and she may have started on a third. I fear that she's becoming lost again, and this time I won't be there to help pull her out again.
"When I was corresponding with a lot of people sometimes I would read them, intend to reply, but forget to because I got pulled away. Sometimes I had so much mail I couldn't answer them all at once. Sometimes my interests would shift to one person I focused on for a while, and then it would shift back. I'd bug them again a few more times, and at some point say that if they're not interested you'd appreciate it if they would let you know so you could stop badgering them."
Good points. :) If things don't work out with this new girl, I'll look at doing that.
"She finds you attractive, I assume? I'm also happy she is a gamer. That completely gets my approval. ... How far away does she live from you?"
She does find me attractive, yes. And vice versa. :) She's said she finds Asian men very physically attractive, which pleases me greatly, since I also find Caucasian women very physically attractive. *grins* She's actually expressed a great preference for Asian culture in general. As it turns out, she's not that much of a gamer compared to me; she was really into World of Warcraft before, like you, she had to cancel her account due to financial squeezes. However, she doesn't seem as into other games; her ex was the one who introduced her (and got her addicted to) WoW. From what I gather, she wasn't much of a gamer beforehand.
She lives in Tampa, Florida. And apparently isn't a big fan of it. Too hot and humid for her liking, plus "a lot of stupid, ignorant people". *chuckles* She's expressed a desire to go and live elsewhere, but isn't sure if she could leave her family.
"Perhaps she's just unsure as to how to respond to what you say and feels less confident knowing your attention is on the IM, whereas, when you write a letter you don't feel the pressure of the other person's attention."
You're probably right. I've come to realize that she's a very shy girl, not to mention extremely submissive. She's often hesitant to display strong feelings or emotion to her Dom/Master, perhaps thinking it's not her place to object or debate with him. Unfortunately, in chat this sometimes translates into short, one-word answers or very non-committal emotes that make it extremely hard to gauge her mood or feelings, and sometimes gives the feeling she's not connected to or interested in the conversation, which is actually far from the truth. I have the feeling that if we were together in person, we'd be hitting it off a lot better. *chuckles*
"... It was very awkward and both of us didn't really show ourselves very well. People are moody and people go through phases."
Yeah, I believe she was going through one of those phases during our first few chats together. *chuckles* We actually had a very long, personal talk last weekend that did wonders in helping to break the ice and helping us bond. Things are going much better between us now, although the fact that it tends to be midnight or later her time when we talk does tend to make her more reticent than she normally is. *wry smile*
"She obviously likes you! She's intimidated because she likes you so much that she's afraid of messing it up. It's a stupid catch-22 issue."
*nods* I think you're completely right on this issue. Plus, there's also the fear of what happens if things don't work out. Long-distance relationships, especially ones across countries, suck donkey balls, and the sad truth is that many such relationships do fail. I actually had quite a frank talk with her today about it. Both of us actually feel the same way: we're strongly attracted to the other, but we're hesitant about moving forward because of all the risks (and they are many!) that might cause this relationship to fail. We fear getting our hearts broken, but at the same time, we're also afraid to let this go, because this could be it.
"You should probably be a little frank with your feelings. When she's in a fairly stable mood let her know that you think she's awesome, and that you see a potential future with her, but that you feel a bit held at a distance by her continual reluctance to open up. Tell her you want to be a bigger part of her life, and that you want to be there for her, but that you can't do that if she doesn't let you."
I did have this talk with her, several days ago. :) As I mentioned above, she's very scared of it not working out, and of getting hurt again. She actually was in a brief long-distance relationship (with another Asian guy, coincidentally!) that seemed very promising... Until they actually met in person and the guy told her that he didn't think it would work out. So yeah... She's very scared of getting her heart broken again.
She's still quite reserved and a little hard to get to open up at times, but I know now that it's usually due to a combination of her natural shyness and her tiredness at talking to me at such late hours. She's making an effort to open up to me, so I've resolved to be as patient and understanding as I can until we grow more used to each other. :)
"Also, short conversations go a long way. If you talk to her a little in the morning, and little before bed everyday, and always leave with more to say, then it makes the other person crave more because they can't get enough."
We're doing our best to have short chats every day, although frequently they turn into multi-hour long conversations. *grins* I see that as a good sign.
"I think trying to heal on your own is painful, and nearly impossible. People claim that you can heal on your own, but you don't fully heal really, you just put stitches in the wounds to keep your guts from falling out in your day to day life."
I agree. A lot of relationship advisers suggest that following a breakup, you should wait until you're happy and comfortable being single again before you start trying to form another relationship. That may work for some people, but for me, even though I'd come to terms with the fact that it was over and that the future with my third love was gone, that still did not relieve the "lost" feeling I had, a sense of incompleteness. I needed direction, a future to look forward to, and someone with whom to spend it with. Without that, my days felt very much like a simple cycle of wake-eat-work-game-sleep. I was content with that in the past, when I hadn't really experienced the wonder and happiness and satisfaction of being in love, but once I'd experienced it, I couldn't go back to my old life anymore. To heal, I had to move forward, not return to the past.
"And it wasn't for another month until he and I became a thing I pretty much stopped all my dating contacts who hadn't become simply and clearly friends."
I'm glad you liked me enough to keep me on as a friend! ;)
"I really hope this works out well for you."
I really hope so too. It's looking quite promising so far though. I'll keep you apprised of how it goes! :D
"I've been enamored with the idea of getting a three-way relationship going for years and years. ... But Paladin is an entirely different bowl of cherries. He's stable and mature and understanding, and has no inclination towards jealousy whatsoever, making him the perfect mate to embark on this fantasy with. ... A lot of times trying that out doesn't work out because the relationship is so established that a new person feels like a complete outsider (despite efforts to make her feel otherwise), so I figure that looking for a girl now is just as practical as looking for her after Paladin and I are more 'settled.' ... I was wondering what you'd have to say about this turn of events."
I say: "Good luck! I'll be praying and willing for it to turn out well for you." :) I know how much you've wanted to try out a three-way relationship, and I agree, from what you've told me of Paladin, that he would be the perfect mate with whom to try such an endeavor. Still, I recommend progressing slowly and carefully. A person may like the idea of a three-way relationship in theory, but when it comes to reality, they find that they can't tolerate having to share their partner's love with another. It's important to factor in long-term issues too, such as marriage (who gets to be the "legal wife", for instance) and children.
Phew! Finally got this reply finished after... I dunno, almost a week? *chuckles* This week has been an absolutely hectic one for me. I am so looking forward to the four-day long Easter weekend...
Your friend,
Lynx
I reply... On April 1st 2010 at 3:03am
Lynx,
My dearest friend, how pleased I am to see a reply from you in my mailbox! I've actually been wondering about you the past few days.
“Out of curiosity, do you mean literally being "choked"?”
Yes, as in, enough pressure is put on my airway to obstruct my breathing. Exactly.
“I can understand the appeal of it, although I believe that's too dangerous to indulge in.”
Not at all - less dangerous than an enema can be, actually. I mean, yes, it's dangerous, but not significantly more so than other kinks that people routinely participate in.
“I like holding my slave's neck during sex, but it's typically at the side so there's no risk of obstructing her airways, since the signs of asphyxiation can be easily missed in the passion of sex.”
Oh no, it's the air being cut off that makes it hot. My throat being held is just a tease. The lack of oxygen makes me get so wet for some reason, and it makes it much easier for me to orgasm for some reason. And if I have no air as I cum, the orgasm is just amazing.
If I start to pass out, I claw gently with my finger nails. And if it begins to hurt, I claw not-so-gently.
“Our current population is already straining the Earth's resources to its breaking point.”
I agree and disagree. I agree that we don't need more people. I disagree that Earth's resources are at a breaking point. It's just mismanagement of those resources that have us in this predicament.
“One thing I wonder is whether hair is also a contributing factor.”
Yes. Bacteria grows on hairs that produce the most potent smells. Oddly enough, Paladin shaves because the hair annoys him, and I stopped shaving years ago because I discovered that shaving was causing the skin irritation I was experiencing during sex and at other times as well. Well, actually, I think I stopped shaving out of laziness, and just started trimming, and noticed the improvement, and then Porcupine liked the hair, so I just let it grow like crazy for quite some time. I've grown to greatly prefer having the hair... But Paladin doesn't like it very much. And funny enough, I'd rather he let his grow rather than be shaved... >.>
“Giving head is best during or just after your lover has showered. I find I can really smell my slave the best during those times; her personal scent that is, unmasked by any perfumes, sweat etc.”
Funny you should say that. I find Paladin way too scentless. So when he comes home from work all sweaty I pretty much pounce on him and start smelling him. He thinks it's really bizarre.
“...while normal intercourse is a shared act of pleasure between both partners, oral sex is purely an effort to give pleasure to one person. You don't mind not reaching orgasm during sex because it becomes an act of pleasing your Master. During oral sex, however, the emphasis is purely on giving you pleasure, and when it doesn't happen, it creates a feeling of frustration and maybe even failure.”
What an excellent observation. That does make perfect psychological sense. I always just thought about it on a purely physical outlook. That physical feeling of needing to orgasm becomes so intense for me during oral sex... So I guess I didn't look hard enough into what the psychology was.
“She was quite child-like in many ways, and while this was part of her charm and appeal, I also felt it was my duty to do my best to try to groom her into adulthood, to prepare her for the day when she would become not only my slave, but my wife.”
I don't know what to say or how to respond to that. All I know is that I feel a response within myself. I am moved, so to speak, but I can not say how, really.
I feel like as if I am standing before a bizarre mirror as I read this;
“I do not know why she turned away from me. Perhaps she was afraid of the enormity of the future we were building together.”
Perhaps Porcupine was intimidated by the lofty goals and dreams we made together, and the commitment that it would take to bring it all to fruition...
“Recently though, I've had the feeling that it was because I had taught her all that she needed, and vice versa, and there was nothing more we could offer each other. She has said to me that I taught her a lot about love, about how to feel pride in herself again.”
We built up each other's confidence until we were taking each other for granted. He taught me perhaps all that he could. I wanted to continue to teach him anyway, but he was unwilling to learn from me.
“In the time since we've broken up, she's already gone through two torrid flings with others, and she may have started on a third. I fear that she's becoming lost again, and this time I won't be there to help pull her out again.”
I know he got together with another girl... Someone less than his own stature - someone who would not intimidate him. Someone who would not complicate him or fill his head with too much thought. Someone he could leave at any time. I don't know if they're still together or not. But I feel sick when I think about it. It's so painful that I couldn't 'save' him... That I couldn't give him a better life where he could flourish.
“She does find me attractive, yes. And vice versa. She's said she finds Asian men very physically attractive.”
Ah. I find Asian women to be amazingly beautiful usually, but leaning more specifically towards Japanese women. Every now and then I see an Asian man that I find incredibly attractive, but over all, I think the faces are too round for my taste. And I don't find a round face on a woman quite as strange as I find it on a man, if that makes sense. So, I guess that's why I asked.
“She's actually expressed a great preference for Asian culture in general.”
Oh, indeed! Asian culture is fascinating and in most ways, clearly superior.
“She's expressed a desire to go and live elsewhere, but isn't sure if she could leave her family.”
Yeah, that was one of my first concerns about being away from home to be with Palain for long lengths of time, or even permanently. But once I was actually there with him, and I was so much happier than I had been in so long... I didn't really feel home-sick at all. Even now, after being away from 'home' for so long, I don't miss home, I just miss Paladin.
“She's often hesitant to display strong feelings or emotion to her Dom/Master, perhaps thinking it's not her place to object or debate with him. Unfortunately, in chat this sometimes translates into short, one-word answers or very non-committal emotes that make it extremely hard to gauge her mood or feelings.”
When I drop into a submissive mindset when at my computer it can make my sentence length drop dramatically. It makes it hard for my mind to come up with words and how to structure them appropriately.
“Long-distance relationships, especially ones across countries, suck donkey balls, and the sad truth is that many such relationships do fail.”
My philosophy is to just dive in and go for it when it comes to love. To hell with risks. Would heart-break hurt so much if it wasn't the loss of the-most-worth-while-thing-in-the-universe; love? Of course not! Not going for it on any level because of being afraid of heart break is hypocritical in and of itself. We, as humans want to be loved so badly, and it feels soo good to love and to be loved. And if it doesn't work out, it sucks elephant balls. But it's still worth it, even if you get hurt. You still learn, love, and have a good time along the way.
So, in your place, I'd be jumping through hoops and over the oceans. And you know that I mean that too, because I'm flying away from my family, friends and home to be with Paladin. It's worth it. Love is worth it - and if she's it, you should go for it. And if it doesn't work out, that doesn't mean that you or she did anything wrong; just another learning experience; with hopefully a lot of kinky sex along the way.
“She's very scared of getting her heart broken again.”
Explain to her what I just explained to you.
“A lot of relationship advisers suggest that following a breakup, you should wait until you're happy and comfortable being single again before you start trying to form another relationship.”
I bet this is often the advice you get because it's hard to attract a mate if you're not happy.
“I needed direction, a future to look forward to, and someone with whom to spend it with. Without that, my days felt very much like a simple cycle of wake-eat-work-game-sleep.”
It's very hard to keep from being stagnant when not in a relationship, indeed.
“I know how much you've wanted to try out a three-way relationship, and I agree, from what you've told me of Paladin, that he would be the perfect mate with whom to try such an endeavor. Still, I recommend progressing slowly and carefully. A person may like the idea of a three-way relationship in theory, but when it comes to reality, they find that they can't tolerate having to share their partner's love with another.”
Indeed. I think he could handle it, it's actually myself who I worry about not being able to handle the attention split. I'm very needy when it comes to attention and affection, and if having another woman around lessened the amount of overall attention and affection instead of a steady amount, or getting more, I would be very unhappy.
“It's important to factor in long-term issues too, such as marriage (who gets to be the "legal wife", for instance) and children.”
It's occurred to me that in such a situation one should either go to a country where it's legal to marry more than one person, or the two women should get married. That way there is no fighting over the legal cock ownership. When it comes to kids, I think it may be more natural than one would expect. The only major issue I see there is that if one woman wants children and the other doesn't want to give birth to any of her own. Or simply one woman having a baby before the other. It would mean a lot of attention on the baby and the baby's mother, making the other woman likely feel very neglected. What I think would be best emotionally, if impractical financially and adjustment wise, would be for both women to get pregnant at once. I think that could be really magical and bonding.
Easter! I totally forgot all about Easter. Ah well, I likely won't be doing anything for Easter anyway. I don't think I'll even be home... When is Easter? If it is this weekend then I won't be home.
Ha, only took me like two hours to finish writing this reply, lol.
~Nuria Asha