Craving Pain
Tuesday, January 26th 2010 at 3:16pm
I've just applied for a nap. Paladin informed me to wait until four o'clock, as he did yesterday when I asked if I could nap. Yesterday while I was attempting to nap my mother called me and woke me up, so I didn't actually nap for very long at all - around fifteen minutes, maybe a little longer, I'm not sure. I tried to go back to sleep, but couldn't. So I ended up beginning to buzz, but I didn't actually get off; I was still at it when Paladin got home yesterday.
Speaking of which...
Last night was incredible. I started getting one of my habitual cravings to be hurt, and I hadn't really managed to initiate anything of the sort with Paladin yet... It's hard trying to initiate things as a submissive, after all. He's had me put his socks on for him, and brush his hair, and make food for him, and bring him drinks and such... Small things, many of which I've done without him asking just because it seemed like a good thing to do at the time. Nothing major yet.
So... what to do? For some reason I didn't feel like outright asking him to hurt me... I wanted to flow into it with some sort of instigation. I bit him; several times... It was dark, and he didn't have his glasses on anyway, so perhaps that's why he didn't decide to go ahead and hit me - he pushed my head from side to side with his palm on my face, which was almost degrading enough to be pleasurable, but it mostly made me crave more. He started spanking me, and I screamed out - he actually had the guts to do it hard enough to hurt, which was hot - my screaming turned him on, and then he began to rub me.
He pulled my panties aside and began to run his fingers up and down my slit and I very rapidly went from simply craving violence to craving violence and sex both. I bucked my hips towards his fingers, trying to get him to push them in, but when he did not I grabbed his wrist and pushed. He stroked my insides with his finger and for a few moments it was blissful but then the craving for pain won out against my craving for pleasure and I grabbed his hand and unbent one of his fingers to join the other two he already had inside me. He caught on immediately and began working at getting his fist inside me while I screamed and writhed.
I wanted him to cum on me while he did this. He didn't though, after a while I pulled him on top of me, and pushed him inside me... It felt amazing. I came twice and then a third time along with him again... It was wonderful. I could hardly be more pleased with his performance. He's more than I could I have hoped to find, so no complaints here.
[4:30pm]
My father just called me on Skype. We talked for the last hour. It's four-thirty now. I guess I'm not going to nap after all. It seems I've missed the sleep wave. I'm quite awake again. That's just as well; I need to go to bed at a logical time tonight.
My father wants me to start a commune; and I'd like me to start one too. He says he doesn't want me to be a sell-out and work for some large corporation. No wonder he hasn't been complaining about me not getting a job. I begin to see where his ideals are really falling; especially now-a-days that he's into the research of the evils of Monsanto and other scary corporations.
He made the point; “If they can lie to us, brain-wash us, force us to use their products, poison us, and get away with it, what will the quality of life look like sixty years from now?”
He's not worried about the end of civilization in 2012; in fact, I think he and I and many people are secretly hoping for it; but we're also afraid - how will we survive without electricity, gas and cars? How will we provide for our families, or even feed ourselves?
My father says I should put some of my idealistic views to use while I'm still young, and uncorrupted - before I become a sell-out like everyone else. Before I'm trapped with bills to pay and a job for a corporation that has me in a death grip.