Debriefing in the Hall of Mirrors
The morning after the concert, I rang up Janet to find out what had happened to them that evening. After she had picked up the receiver and ascertained it was me on the other end, she immediately asked, "Where were you?!?"
"In the VIP area," I replied with a little knowing smile on my face.
"What!" Janet was surprised and half did not believe me. "You didn't meet HIM did you?" She meant Jay Kay.
"No. That would be too much," I shook my head.
"Charles, we sold your ticket," Janet added.
"What!" This time I was taken completely by surprise. "You... you sold my ticket?!"
"Yes, we got fifty marks for it." I had paid sixty-two marks fifty.
Well, this was a surprise. We both started laughing.
"Can I come over?" I asked. "I think the whole thing needs to be explained over coffee."
"But Charles, how did you get... I mean, how... VIP area?"
"I'll come round to yours, OK? See you in forty-five minutes or so."
Well, that was a surprise for me. When I didn't turn up, they sold my ticket. But that meant that even if I had found them in the concert, I would not have got my ticket. That means I spent the whole time rushing around convincing people of something that was, in reality, not true! Aaargh! So I got to see a Jamiroquai concert for the princely sum of DM12,50, about four pounds, and what's more, talked my way into the VIP area.
When I got to Janet's, we spent a long time going over the events. She half did not want to believe me, but there was no way I could have made up such an intricate story. When I mentioned that I had taken some photos, she almost burst into tears.
"Janet, what's the matter?"
"You had your camera? Astrid (Janet's flatmate, avid photographer) was not allowed in with hers. You were only allowed to take compacts in. I can't believe you got yours in!"
"Well, nobody took any notice of me." In fact, I would not have got into the VIP area without my camera!
"I have to have copies of the pictures!" she declared.
"They will look crap," I said. "Well, the ones where I couldn't balance my camera on anything. I can't guarantee that anything will come of them." In fact, at the time I was so elated that I was in the concert that I just took photos and didn't care if they came out or not. I'd be happy with a blurred picture of the stage as proof that I didn't dream the whole evening.
Janet's story was that she, Astrid, a friend of Astrid's and Manolo had waited for me, but wanted to be as close to the stage as possible. Thus they had waited until the last possible moment, then found a tout and sold my ticket. She explained that this was what they always did. That way, if someone came late they could buy a ticket at the door and with luck did not have to pay much extra, because they got their money back on their original ticket. What's more, Astrid was a superb negotiator and had worked hard to get fifty marks (80%) of the face value back for me. The negotiations had started at thirty marks, less than 50%. Jamiroquai's popularity also helped keep the price high. So, lucky me. In any case, Astrid wasn't allowed to bring her camera in, which was disappointing for them. They were also annoyed, but not surprised, that I had not turned up. They had entertained various thoughts about me and Jurgita.
Astrid arrived but did not pass much comment on the night before. I thanked her for her negotiations on my behalf (which I had not expected in the first place). Janet was in the process of cooking dinner for Astrid and Gifri and she invited me to join them.
After dinner, Janet and I went to the Bierkeller, the focus of former Siegmundshof residents' social lives, where they were playing the movie 'Eye of the Beholder' (Das Auge), starring Ewan MacGregor and Ashley Judd. This film was one of those that has no apparent meaning, yet the more I thought about it, the more it seemed to me that the film's message applied to me. The quote at the start of the film is as follows:
Every man has his own destiny - the only rule is that it must be followed and accepted wherever it leads him. - Henry Miller "The Wisdom of the Heart"
(I'm translating from the German, which was translated from the English, so I can't guarantee that this is exactly what Mr. Miller wrote.)
In the film, Ewan MacGregor follows Ashley Judd around all over America, ostensibly as a masterful British spy observing a professional killer, however his mission becomes lost in tangled emotions and he interferes more and more in her life without her ever realising it. Both are driven by deeply-rooted emotional losses that are the complements of each other. In her he sees his lost daughter, while she searches for a lost father figure. At one point in the film she explains to him that she believes she has lost her guardian angel, unaware that he is her guardian angel. Yet he is responsible for much of her suffering and, eventually, her death. However, destiny plays tricks with the lives of men. Who in the film was really in control of their destiny?
And who is, in real life? Sometimes our lives are determined by forces out of our control, which then lead on to further consequences. Do we ever stand a chance of understanding why the things that happen to us happen? Is it on our deathbed that we finally understand or comprehend our lives, or is it such that the moment we fully comprehend our lives, we die?
For me the film made me think about what has had or is having a major influence in my life. I came to the conclusion that the day I had to wear spectacles was the day my life was changed completely. I was only six, yet those spectacles changed the way people treated me, and therefore changed the way I saw myself.
You see, all people are mirrors into your soul. Through them you can see yourself, but nobody is a perfect mirror. Their personalities shape the way they reflect your personality, so what you see is only half of the story. It is a bit like walking through a hall of mirrors... You see yourself with various distortions, but amongst all of that are the things that never change. These are the true elements of your appearance, and likewise when you interact with people, the aspects of the interaction that never change are indicative of your true self. Thus people who never try to communicate never fully get to know themselves.
The day I wore glasses was the day I was categorised by everyone as a nerd, or an intellectual type. As time passed I came to believe in it myself, but it is not true and it is not me. I made a mistake, which one is allowed to at the age of six, which is to assume that what people tell you is true. To me everyone was a straight mirror... Until I thought about it and realised that it did not make sense. That's how my mirror theory came about.
"In the VIP area," I replied with a little knowing smile on my face.
"What!" Janet was surprised and half did not believe me. "You didn't meet HIM did you?" She meant Jay Kay.
"No. That would be too much," I shook my head.
"Charles, we sold your ticket," Janet added.
"What!" This time I was taken completely by surprise. "You... you sold my ticket?!"
"Yes, we got fifty marks for it." I had paid sixty-two marks fifty.
Well, this was a surprise. We both started laughing.
"Can I come over?" I asked. "I think the whole thing needs to be explained over coffee."
"But Charles, how did you get... I mean, how... VIP area?"
"I'll come round to yours, OK? See you in forty-five minutes or so."
Well, that was a surprise for me. When I didn't turn up, they sold my ticket. But that meant that even if I had found them in the concert, I would not have got my ticket. That means I spent the whole time rushing around convincing people of something that was, in reality, not true! Aaargh! So I got to see a Jamiroquai concert for the princely sum of DM12,50, about four pounds, and what's more, talked my way into the VIP area.
When I got to Janet's, we spent a long time going over the events. She half did not want to believe me, but there was no way I could have made up such an intricate story. When I mentioned that I had taken some photos, she almost burst into tears.
"Janet, what's the matter?"
"You had your camera? Astrid (Janet's flatmate, avid photographer) was not allowed in with hers. You were only allowed to take compacts in. I can't believe you got yours in!"
"Well, nobody took any notice of me." In fact, I would not have got into the VIP area without my camera!
"I have to have copies of the pictures!" she declared.
"They will look crap," I said. "Well, the ones where I couldn't balance my camera on anything. I can't guarantee that anything will come of them." In fact, at the time I was so elated that I was in the concert that I just took photos and didn't care if they came out or not. I'd be happy with a blurred picture of the stage as proof that I didn't dream the whole evening.
Janet's story was that she, Astrid, a friend of Astrid's and Manolo had waited for me, but wanted to be as close to the stage as possible. Thus they had waited until the last possible moment, then found a tout and sold my ticket. She explained that this was what they always did. That way, if someone came late they could buy a ticket at the door and with luck did not have to pay much extra, because they got their money back on their original ticket. What's more, Astrid was a superb negotiator and had worked hard to get fifty marks (80%) of the face value back for me. The negotiations had started at thirty marks, less than 50%. Jamiroquai's popularity also helped keep the price high. So, lucky me. In any case, Astrid wasn't allowed to bring her camera in, which was disappointing for them. They were also annoyed, but not surprised, that I had not turned up. They had entertained various thoughts about me and Jurgita.
Astrid arrived but did not pass much comment on the night before. I thanked her for her negotiations on my behalf (which I had not expected in the first place). Janet was in the process of cooking dinner for Astrid and Gifri and she invited me to join them.
After dinner, Janet and I went to the Bierkeller, the focus of former Siegmundshof residents' social lives, where they were playing the movie 'Eye of the Beholder' (Das Auge), starring Ewan MacGregor and Ashley Judd. This film was one of those that has no apparent meaning, yet the more I thought about it, the more it seemed to me that the film's message applied to me. The quote at the start of the film is as follows:
Every man has his own destiny - the only rule is that it must be followed and accepted wherever it leads him. - Henry Miller "The Wisdom of the Heart"
(I'm translating from the German, which was translated from the English, so I can't guarantee that this is exactly what Mr. Miller wrote.)
In the film, Ewan MacGregor follows Ashley Judd around all over America, ostensibly as a masterful British spy observing a professional killer, however his mission becomes lost in tangled emotions and he interferes more and more in her life without her ever realising it. Both are driven by deeply-rooted emotional losses that are the complements of each other. In her he sees his lost daughter, while she searches for a lost father figure. At one point in the film she explains to him that she believes she has lost her guardian angel, unaware that he is her guardian angel. Yet he is responsible for much of her suffering and, eventually, her death. However, destiny plays tricks with the lives of men. Who in the film was really in control of their destiny?
And who is, in real life? Sometimes our lives are determined by forces out of our control, which then lead on to further consequences. Do we ever stand a chance of understanding why the things that happen to us happen? Is it on our deathbed that we finally understand or comprehend our lives, or is it such that the moment we fully comprehend our lives, we die?
For me the film made me think about what has had or is having a major influence in my life. I came to the conclusion that the day I had to wear spectacles was the day my life was changed completely. I was only six, yet those spectacles changed the way people treated me, and therefore changed the way I saw myself.
You see, all people are mirrors into your soul. Through them you can see yourself, but nobody is a perfect mirror. Their personalities shape the way they reflect your personality, so what you see is only half of the story. It is a bit like walking through a hall of mirrors... You see yourself with various distortions, but amongst all of that are the things that never change. These are the true elements of your appearance, and likewise when you interact with people, the aspects of the interaction that never change are indicative of your true self. Thus people who never try to communicate never fully get to know themselves.
The day I wore glasses was the day I was categorised by everyone as a nerd, or an intellectual type. As time passed I came to believe in it myself, but it is not true and it is not me. I made a mistake, which one is allowed to at the age of six, which is to assume that what people tell you is true. To me everyone was a straight mirror... Until I thought about it and realised that it did not make sense. That's how my mirror theory came about.