T_T
I'm losing control. I'm tired and worn out but there's still work to be done. Am I making the right choices in my life? How am I supposed to do this all and maintain who I am, who I want to be? I don't want to be a distant, depressed, angry bitch all my life but I have nothing before me but school from now until next December. That's 11 full months still ahead, more like 10 if you add up the last two weeks of December and the first two weeks of August that I get off. I've grounded myself for poor performance. No more TV and no internet until 7pm everday until Spring Break. It's two weeks. I better see some improvement by then or it's no TV and internet until Summer Session.
Sometimes I wish my standards were lower. Sometimes I wish less was expected of me. Sometimes I wish I could either give up or be done already. But on the other hand, if I did all of this, would the victory of finishing everything that I set out to do really be a victory or just a settlement for something lesser. Or is it even lesser? Am I aiming too high? I don't think I am but sometimes I feel like I am. There's a huge difference between thinking and feeling nowadays and I'm not good at expressing either.
Thank God for outlets. Thank God for friends who understand. I don't know what I would do without them right now.
Sometimes I wish my standards were lower. Sometimes I wish less was expected of me. Sometimes I wish I could either give up or be done already. But on the other hand, if I did all of this, would the victory of finishing everything that I set out to do really be a victory or just a settlement for something lesser. Or is it even lesser? Am I aiming too high? I don't think I am but sometimes I feel like I am. There's a huge difference between thinking and feeling nowadays and I'm not good at expressing either.
Thank God for outlets. Thank God for friends who understand. I don't know what I would do without them right now.