Night hours
Title: Night hours
Author: creepylicious/alles_luege
Pairing: pre-slash/gen
Rating: PG-13
Summary: A story about the Ways being bogeymen living in Brendon’s closet.
Brendon shrugged. “I'm just trying to figure out if I'm crazy or if the two bogeymen, because I was just that lucky as a child, are really asking me if they can stay in my closet so they don't die.”
Warning(s): none
Author’s Notes: Written for bandomreversebb. Very awesome mix by the lovely dr_jasley. This was mostly inspired by these songs: Put your lights on, Pieces and Dead hour.
Word Count: 5.987
Beta: asm_z
Disclaimer: Don’t know, don’t own, not real
Brendon hadn't seen Gerard in years. He rubbed his eyes a bit too hard and blinked. Nope. Still there.
“I'm drunk. I'm so so drunk,” he mumbled.
“Yep,” Gerard answered. He was smoking again. Brendon got shit from his mom for this and she didn't believe him it wasn't him. She couldn't prove he was smoking, but he couldn't prove to her he wasn't. It was like believing in god, stuck somewhere between here and there. One foot in the bedroom and one out the door, to quote Pete.
“Are you alone?” he made himself ask, because if Gerard wanted to talk for some weird freaking reason, who was Brendon to stop him? Even if that was Brendon's shitty apartment and all. Besides it never worked when Brendon told Gerard to just leave, please. ('But why not?' Brendon asked, clutching a pillow to his chest. Yoggi, the unicorn, was too far away to reach and he didn't want to get up. Didn't want to step out of the bed. 'It doesn't work like that. I have hours I need to do.' Gerard had answered, taking a deep drag of his cigarette.) Usually Gerard wasn't alone.
“Yeah, right now.”
“Oh, okay. Why are you here, Gerard?” Brendon wanted to know and he wanted to know it desperately, because what the all loving fuck! He wasn't five anymore.
“I quit,” Gerard answered.
“You what? How? I mean, is that even possible?” Because what the all loving fuck! This couldn't be his life. It just plain couldn't be his life. He was probably still very, very, drunk. And imagining things, he had just no idea why he would imagine Gerard and alone. Without Mikey.
“I quit. I quit the job. I told them I'm out and they said suit yourself. Find yourself a place to stay. It seems, it is possible. I bet these fuckers are waiting for me to come back, because no one ever quit. You know?”
“What about Mikey?” Brendon asked, sitting down. He needed to be sitting right now.
Gerard shifted uneasily and looked out of the window. “I don't know. I couldn't tell him. I don't think he knows yet. They kicked me out of my closet.”
“How can he not know? You know what? I don't care. What I do care about is why you're here?”
Gerard took another drag of his smoke. Brendon wanted desperately to open a window, but it was the end of autumn and no way in hell was he freezing more than he had to anyway. He wished he could afford a better apartment.
“I need a place to stay.”
“Hotel?”
“I need a place to stay where someone lives who knows that I'm there.”
“You mean you need someone who believes in you.”
Gerard nodded once sharply. “Yeah.”
“Oh fuck my life.”
“Your closet is big,” Gerard said.
“You can't live in my closet Gerard,” Brendon answered, closing his eyes. He didn't want to see Gerard's pale face. He didn't want to remember Gerard at all. But it was a little too late for that. It seemed he never forgot Gerard. Or Mikey.
“I can't live anywhere else.”
“What about some kid's closet? Isn't that your normal place to be?”
“People who are living there have jobs, Brendon. I do not. I can't live in a kid's closet. There are all kinds of stupid regulations about these kinds of things. You wouldn't even believe it. Stupid fuckers.”
“And if you- I don't know, just not live in a closet?” He asked opening his eyes. Gerard didn't go away just because Brendon couldn't see him. That didn't work when he was five either.
“I'll disappear,” Gerard said in a soft tone.
“Disappear?” Brendon echoed.
Gerard nodded. “Yeah.”
“Like stop to exist, evaporate, die?” Brendon asked. His throat felt dry.
Gerard shrugged. “I guess.”
Brendon didn't want Gerard to die. At times Gerard had been the only friend he had, well, Gerard and Mikey. Brendon sighed. “Okay. This will be temporarily?”
“Uhm,” Gerard said.
“Right. Whatever. I'm probably still drunk and none of this is real anyway.”
“If it makes you sleep better at night,” Gerard answered finishing his cigarette.
“No smoking in the closet!” Brendon said and then just fell into the pillows. “I'm going to sleep now.”
“See you tomorrow night then,” Gerard answered.
~+~
By the morning there was nothing in the closet at all, but then at day there never was anything suspicious in a closet. Every child knew that. Still, maybe, Brendon thought, I was so drunk I made up Gerard showing up for some weird reason. Maybe because I'm lonely, he thought. He was. Being kicked out of a house with three million siblings and then being on his own sucked so hard at times, he didn't even have words for it.
He grabbed a bite, his shoes and school stuff and was out of the door. There were lessons to be learned and then shifts to work and then homework and band-practice and then he could fall face down on his mattress just to do it all over again the next day.
~+~
The apartment was dark, like really dark, like the darkness was expanding and growing inside these four walls - and it smelled like smoke.
Brendon groaned.
“You're home,” Gerard said, stepping out of the shadows around the closet.
“And pretty late. This is not your old home,” Mikey said. He was lurking around the closet, like he didn't want to let go of whatever was in there. And Brendon knew that there was something there. The darkness and all the shivers and creepy feelings. It was like a perfume, as if the closet had a personality or something. Just recently acquired though. He shook his head and the feeling off. Nothing creepier than the brothers here.
“I live alone now,” Brendon answered.
“But you're still a kid!” Gerard said. He sounded like he wanted to smash something to pieces. The darkness became nearly unbearable, suffocating.
“I'm seventeen and stop it! It creeps me the hell out,” Brendon replied sharper than he wanted to.
“Sorry,” Gerard looked sheepish as he lit a cigarette and then one for Mikey. They looked still the same, Brendon observed. Still the same. Only he was older now. Past the age where he though there were monsters under his bed and stuff living in his closet. Not that Gerard and Mikey could be described as 'stuff'.
“So, you quit, too?” Brendon asked, crossing the small room to get to the kitchen, that wasn't much bigger than a shoe-box, and make something to eat.
“Yeah. It's no fun without Gee.”
“It never was fun,” Gerard answered, following Brendon into the kitchen. He sat down on a chair and watched. Brendon could feel his gaze at his back.
“You know what I mean,” Mikey said.
“You guys want something to eat?” Brendon asked, turning to face them. Mikey was leaning against the door, bony hip against the frame. He looked like a normal twenty something old dude. Nothing extraordinary to see here. Please move on. Yeah, right.
“Sure,” Gerard replied with a grin.
~+~
“So,” Brendon said, putting dishes away. “What are you going to do now?”
“What do you mean?” Mikey asked.
“I mean. You guys have no jobs anymore. I have no idea what kind of-” he flailed with his arms a bit, “stuff you do in your dimension or whatever, but I guess you'll have to adjust to being here all the time.”
“Oh,” Gerard said, like he hadn’t thought about it. He probably hadn’t. Must have been a big step to quit your job as the bogeyman and well, Brendon had no idea, actually how to end that sentence. Not even in his head.
“You are still a bogeyman, right?”
“Yeah,” Gerard nodded, his red hair falling into his face. It looked fierce, this red hair. Scared the living shit out of him when he was four.
“So, you can't live on your own, but can you like leave the apartment? You can leave the closet at will and I guess you guys went back to wherever bogeymen live when they aren't on the job, right?”
“Well,” Mikey shifted and then came into the kitchen to sit on the table beside is brother. “We don't go away as much as we just fade to sleep.”
“You were living in my closet all the freaking time?” Brendon asked.
“We don't hear anything,” Gerard reassured him.
Brendon sat down. “I need a moment here.”
“Sure. We have all the time in the world.” And the funny thing was, that Mikey and Gerard had all the time in the world. They weren't even a real part of this world or whatever. It made Brendon's head hurt to think about this. He had enough problems already.
“You don't come out during day, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Is it a vampire, sunset thing or--” he stopped not knowing how to end that sentence.
“No, we, it must be dark. Just dark. We can go out during day hours too if it's really dark inside wherever we are, but if you're on the job all night, well, you tend to go to sleep during day hours.”
Brendon nodded. Made perfect sense, as long as he didn't think too much about how they weren't even real!
“I could go into the closet and close the door and wake you up?” Just curiosity, not that he was planning to do something like that.
Mikey smirked. A fine, delicate smirk, barely there at all but Brendon has known Mikey since he was three and a half. “Now, why would you want to do that?” he asked.
Brendon shrugged. “I'm just trying to figure out if I'm crazy or if the two bogeymen, because I was just that lucky as a child, are really asking me if they can stay in my closet so they don't die.”
Gerard looked a bit unhappy and Mikey looked a bit pissed off, the darkness in the corners began to shift and Brendon thought the temperature dropped.
“Mikey,” Gerard said softly and Mikey closed his eyes, clenched his hands to fists and then exhaled carefully. The darkness creped away slowly. “It is real,” he said to Brendon and reached out to touch Brendon's hand.
It felt warm, human even, but Brendon shivered anyway. “You can stay. Both of you. God help me.”
“Thank you,” Gerard answered and it sounded strangely formal.
~+~
The apartment was surprisingly cluttered after a week of sharing his space with Mikey and Gerard.
“I didn't even think you guys had stuff!” Brendon said, putting CD's and a few books aside so he could sit down on his own ratty couch.
“What do you think we're doing while you're asleep?” Mikey asked. He sounded like he didn't care much for an answer, but Brendon knew him. Mikey did care.
“I don't know. I didn't think about it. You were the monsters in my freaking closet. I was trying to convince my mom you were real or forget about you.”
“And yet,” Mikey said, “you never did.”
“No,” Brendon answered, not looking at Mikey or Gerard for that matter. The thing was that he should have outgrown it by now. Should have outgrown them. And yet here he was, sitting on his couch with his childhood bogeymen.
“Lucky us,” Gerard said, there was a smile in his voice and Brendon turned to see it.
He smiled back. “I guess.”
Mikey made a noise and then got up and to the kitchen. “Please tell me we have coffee?” he asked.
“Uhm...”
“Oh my god! We will die!” Mikey answered and came back with Brendon's coat. “Buy some now.”
“With what money?” Brendon asked.
“You don't have money for coffee?” Gerard wanted to know, he looked like there was something seriously wrong with the world they were living in. Brendon, of course, knew that there was something seriously fucked up about the world he was living in.
“My parents kicked me out. I have school, a job that doesn't really pay enough and rent to pay.”
“Before, we could just use the closet to go wherever and take whatever,” Mikey sighed. “It sucks to be unemployed.”
Gerard nodded gravely.
~+~
Brendon woke up on the couch to harsh whispers. He looked around and then concentrated on the darkness near the closet. It was unnatural, like there was a barrier between it and the light from the window.
“You guys still awake?” he asked.
“Yeah, because Gerard has a plan,” Mikey said, he didn't sound happy about whatever his brother came up with while Brendon was out cold on the couch.
“Do I even want to know?” He got up and stepped cautiously closer. He didn't breach the darkness, but hovered at the line instead.
“He thinks we should get jobs.”
“Like regular human jobs?” Brendon asked.
Mikey crossed his arms over his chest and nodded. Gerard lit a cigarette and Brendon gave him a look. Gerard ignored the “no smoking in the closet” rule all too often for Brendon's taste. Spencer was asking if he took up smoking and as Brendon said he didn't, he asked if he had a girlfriend. Things started to get complicated.
“We need money for coffee, at least,” Gerard said reasonably.
Mikey sighed. “We do need money for coffee, at least and cigarettes,” he admitted.
“Still, human jobs? And only by night? What can you guys even do, besides, you know, controlling shadows and install fear from hell in small children?”
“You're still bitter about the hair thing?” Gerard asked with one eyebrow raised.
Brendon shrugged. “Maybe.” He had been five and Gerard's red, bloody hair was a freaking sign of Satan, okay? He had drawn pictures after pictures of Gerard and his hair. His mom was very disturbed by it. He was forced to see a doctor because he had had such freaking nightmares.
“I like it,” Mikey said softy, pulling at a strand of Gerard's hair gently. Gerard smiled. “It does look bad-ass.”
Brendon snapped his fingers and they turned to him. “What kind of job?”
“Not sure yet,” Gerard said, yawning. His cigarette was burned down to the filter and he put it out against the wall close to the closet. Brendon sighed.
“We'll think about it more tonight,” Mikey promised, he was looking tired too.
Brendon glanced at the clock. Well, it was bedtime for little bogeymen and he was nearly late for class again.
“Okay.”
“Could you please organise some coffee?” Gerard asked. He looked pitiful.
“I'll try.”
~+~
Brendon spent his last money on coffee. He had no idea why the hell he did it. Or maybe he did. It was nice having someone around, even if only for a few hours a day, or night as the brothers were only existing in the shadows.
He opened the door to Mikey and Gerard arguing. They were sharing a smoke. Must have been the last one, he thought.
“Brendon! Good you're back. Gerard is being insane.” He came closer and peered into the bag Brendon was carrying. “You brought us coffee. You are by all means my favourite human.”
“Were you reading Pride and Prejudice and Zombies again?” Brendon asked, suspicion colouring his voice.
“Prove it,” he answered, snagging the bag away and opening the packet. He inhaled deeply and Brendon shook his head. While Mikey was preparing coffee in the kitchen for them, Gerard sat down next to Brendon on the couch.
“What was this all about?”
“Bar tending. I think I can manage that.”
“Uhm...” Brendon said.
“What? Mikey was looking at me that way too. I'm great with people.”
“You are great with children when you aren't trying to install the fear of god in them, Gerard.”
Gerard bit his lip and kept quiet. “Mikey is good with people. I mean, real people,” Brendon said after a while of silence. He never could stand silence much. It rang too loud in his head.
“Children are real people,” Gerard answered eventually and Brendon wanted to hug him.
“Yeah, they are.”
~+~
Gerard was moping. Brendon could tell by the shape the shadow of his closet was casting. Mikey was out working and Gerard still hadn’t managed to get a job. Brendon took less shifts now, but he still wasn't home much, because Ryan doubled practice.
He sat in front of the closet, his throat feeling raw from singing his heart out and waited.
“I don't get it,” Gerard said eventually.
“You are just-” Brendon waved his hand and Gerard looked blankly at him. “An acquired taste?” he tried.
“Gee, I feel so much better now.” The shadows around the closet drew back, curled in on themselves. Brendon could see Gerard's hair. It was the only thing he could see in the blackness of the closet and he suspected he only could see it because the lamp was standing just at the right angle or something. It shone hell-pit fire red.
“Could you please come out of the closet?” Brendon asked softly.
“I swear there is a lesson here or a joke, somewhere,” Gerard said, stepping out of the shadows. Or maybe it was more like the shadows gave him free, like he was born out of the darkness and fear inside the closet. He sat down in front of Brendon, right there on the floor.
Brendon smiled. “I'm sure you'll find it with time.”
“I want to help you,” Gerard said earnestly.
“I know.”
“You let us live here and we're eating your food and drinking your coffee and making you buy us smokes.”
“I know.”
Gerard bit his lip and looked away, he seemed troubled. Brendon reached out and touched Gerard's arm. The fabric of his shirt didn't feel solid, it felt a bit like water. Slippery to the touch. Gerard turned to face him.
“Maybe this wasn't such a good idea.”
“Yeah? What other choices did you have?”
“Not quitting the job? Not making Mikey follow me, because I knew he would.”
“And being unhappy for the rest of your life? Because I know you hated it. You hate it still.”
Gerard nodded. “But I didn't think it through.”
“Well, shit happens and we deal and I like you being here,” Brendon answered.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah,” he said and squeezed Gerard's arm.
~+~
Ryan was giving him looks. It was never a good thing when Ryan Ross started to give someone looks. Besides, Ryan was scheming. He was doing something. Spencer was in on it too, because Spencer was always in on everything Ryan did.
He flopped down on the couch and closed his eyes. This was way too much. On some days he just didn't think he could manage it all alone. On some days he just wanted his mom back.
“You okay?” Gerard asked.
Brendon startled, he didn't even hear Gerard coming in. “Jesus, don't sneak up on me like that. I could've died of a heart attack and what a shame would that be? The world would've lost a singer.”
Gerard looked down at him and frowned. “You look like shit.”
“You shouldn't watch so much TV anymore,” Brendon answered sternly.
Gerard smiled, lit a cigarette and sat down on the floor apposite to the couch. “I didn't learn to curse from the TV, Brendon. I had a life before too, you know? We learn from the people around us.”
“But you're only around children, Gee,” Brendon replied.
Gerard exhaled. “No, not only.” He didn't elaborate and Brendon was too tired to ask about the elusive world of the bogeymen. “You want some coffee? It helps when you're tired.”
“I want to curl up with someone in bed and sleep,” Brendon said without really thinking about it.
“Okay,” Gerard said and Brendon looked at him bleary.
“Okay what?”
“Let's go to bed. You can curl up around me,” he answered, putting the cigarette out on a dirty coffee mug, some day Brendon'll have to talk about the mug thing and leaving them everywhere. He reached his hand out and Brendon grabbed it, let Gerard pull him up.
“Thanks.”
“Don't mention it.”
~+~
“You're going to record an album?” Mikey asked, a bit awed.
“Yeah!” Because hell yes, they were, he was.
“And you'll be gone for how long?” Gerard wanted to know.
“Oh. I don't know. You guys will be okay. I will put food in the fridge and every cabinet and you can go out and buy your own cigarettes now, I mean, Mikey does it anyway.”
“And coffee,” Mikey threw in.
“Yes!”
“But, you won't be here for only god knows how long,” Gerard clarified.
“I'll come back and as soon as we're famous I'll move into a house with a big closet for you guys to stay in,” he nodded to emphasise this plan.
“We could come with,” Mikey said.
“What?”
“We could come with. Wherever you are we can be as long as there is a closet you call your own.”
“I don't know if I'll get my own closet, guys.”
“Call us?” Gerard said, lighting a cigarette. It was his third since Brendon told them the news.
“Of course, but Gerard, I'm coming back,” Brendon answered and grabbed the slippery t-shirt to hug the living hell out of him. “I'm coming back.”
“I know.”
~+~
“Gerard is making tour posters,” Mikey said as soon as he picked up the phone.
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
“How awesome are they? If one is Disney and 10 is Batman?”
“Eleven,” Mikey answered, something tender in his voice that was only ever reserved for when he talked about Gerard.
“He wants to see you on tour. You think you can have your own closet? Can you manage?”
“I can talk to Pete. I miss you guys too,” Brendon said.
Mikey made a noise. “Gerard wants to talk to you.”
“Sure.” Brendon waited for Mikey to give the phone over to Gerard.
~+~
“Hey, Brendon, how is the tour?”
“Awesome! You need to come out and see us. Hotel night is tomorrow and I share a room with Ryan, but I have my own closet. So, please come?”
“Yeah,” Gerard said and Brendon could hear the smile in his voice.
“Is Mikey working?”
“Yeah, he is.”
“You still haven’t found a job?”
“I'll be a kept bogeyman soon enough,” Gerard joked. Brendon was glad that Gerard wasn't so depressed anymore about it.
“You can bet your ass on it.”
“We miss you. Do you have fun?”
“What part of awesome was unclear to you, Gee?”
Gerard laughed. “Yeah, okay.”
“Bring your new comic? I know you were working on something.”
“Mikey needs to learn how to keep his mouth shut.”
“I think that will never happen and besides he only says something when it seems important.”
“It's nothing,” Gerard tried.
“Yeah, right. It must be fucking glorious if Mikey is writing poetry about it, Gee. Bring it. I want to show it off.”
“Okay.”
“Thanks. Have to go, but I'll be waiting in front of the closet tomorrow night. Don't be late-”
“As soon as the sun goes down.”
“Have to remember that for later,” Brendon said.
“Bye Brendon.”
“Bye Gerard.”
~+~
Brendon was sitting in front of the small built in closet as soon as the sun went down. Ryan was out like a light, which was a good thing. Brendon breathed and waited. He was drumming his knuckles softly against the carpeted floor and tried not to think what might be living there.
“Brendon?” came a soft whisper. It sounded like autumn leaves against an old window. Brendon shivered without really meaning too.
“I'm here and Ryan is sleeping, so we have to be quiet, okay?”
“Okay,” Gerard said, emerging from the shadows of the closet. It looked fucking creepy. His form just appeared piece by piece. Here an arm, here a finger, a strand of long red hair in the darkness. And then the pieces put themselves together. Gerard smiled down at him and behind him was Mikey.
“Hey, you made it,” Brendon whispered.
“We did,” Gerard sat down on the floor immediately, Mikey gave it a dubious look before sighing and sitting down next to his brother.
“No smoking, hmm?” he asked.
“No, I don't want the fire alarm to go off.”
“So, you're the big singer now?” Mikey asked. He was looking curious.
“Nah, I'm just pretending and singing whatever Ryan wants me to sing, but it's a lot of fun. If this plays out like Pete thinks it will, we'll be touring Europe.”
“Europe?” Gerard wanted to know, he looked a bit pale, Brendon thought.
“Yeah, you can still visit in Europe, can’t you?”
“Sure,” Gerard said. Mikey kept quiet. It was the not good kind of quiet. Brendon stored that information away for later. He'll have to have a word with Mikey.
“So, I asked Pete to record a show for you guys, because we play during daylight and well...so, you can watch it at home?”
“Yeah?” Mikey asked. He always had a thing for music and Brendon just hoped he wouldn't think they were bad.
“Yeah. Tell me what you think after?”
“Sure,” Mikey answered, taking the CD from Brendon.
“The quality isn't the greatest.”
“It never is,” Mikey said and nodded like it meant something. Maybe it did, but Brendon had no idea what. It didn't really matter, though. The CD dissipated into the dankness that was Mikey's hoodie. Brendon still didn't know if the clothes they were wearing were made from pure darkness or if they were a part of them. Like a skin that you can model. Which would be super cool and super creepy. He didn't have it in him yet to ask about it.
“Brendon?” came Ryan's soft voice and Brendon froze, so did Mikey and Gerard.
“Yeah?”
“What are you doing?”
“Nothing...”
“Are you talking to the closet, because it looks like you're talking to the closet,” Ryan said, he sounded tired and grumpy and like he didn't really care, but had the feeling if his singer was going insane (HA! BECAUSE FUCKING HA!) he had to say something. Brendon was sure he was secretly wishing for Spencer to be here so he could take care of this and maybe Ryan was in this moment making plans to switch rooms with him the next chance he got. Brendon couldn't really blame him for it.
“I'm not losing it, Ross-”
“I didn't say that,” Ryan answered and Brendon could hear him sit up. He rolled his eyes. It's not like he would see much anyway. What with the room being so damn dark. Ryan gasped and Brendon could hear the covers rustle. Maybe Ryan could just see enough. “Go back to bed, okay, Brendon?” Ryan whispered.
Brendon nodded, even if Ryan couldn't see it, he grabbed for Gerard's hand and as he found it in the darkness that blanketed their features, he squeezed. “Next hotel night is in three days,” he whispered.
“We'll be there,” Mikey whispered back and Gerard nodded, or the darkness in the closet nodded, but it was Gerard's darkness, so it was okay.
“Brendon, for god's sake, just go to bed. We have a show to play, places to be and-”
“You're grumpy when you don't get your beauty sleep, I get it Ross.”
The darkness snickered and Brendon's lips curled into a smile. He got up. Ryan huffed and mumbled something under his breath, but laid back down.
Brendon got up from the floor and didn’t look back in the closet’s direction as he got into bed.
~+~
It was hard not being able to be with Gerard and Mikey always like he used to be. He missed them all the freaking time. They couldn’t visit as often as they wanted, because it wore them out. Something to do with how they weren’t living in their own world anymore, how they didn’t have jobs. It was all kinda complicated and to be honest Brendon didn’t want to know too much about it. There were things you couldn’t come back from, this seemed like one of these things. And then there was the problem of time zones to deal with as well. He only talked for a few minutes before his band made him hang up or Pete for that matter. It was expensive and it was stupid and Brendon wanted to go home on some days so freaking badly it hurt. He missed his shitty apartment and his small closet where his bogeymen lived in.
~+~
On the other hand things were really well, Pete was beaming all the time at how well it was. They had fans and they made a video and people sang their songs back at them. It was awesome. And there was money. He had money and he didn’t need to worry about it.
“It can only get better from here,” Pete said grinning.
Brendon nodded. He was hoping that Gerard and Mikey would make it, because it was a hotel night and he had a closet to call his own. “Yeah,” he answered.
“You miss home?”
“Yeah.”
“Someone special?” Pete asked casually, and that was the thing, Brendon didn’t really pay attention to it.
“Gerard,” he said, “and Mikey.”
“Your friends?” Pete wondered, because of course he never spoke much about them, only when he showed his band Gerard’s comics and drawings and tour posters.
Brendon nodded. They were friends.
Pete gave him a look, but keep quiet.
~+~
“Are you okay?” Gerard asked, he sounded concerned as hell.
“Yes, I am. How are you guys?”
“We have coffee and we have cigarettes and-“
“Gee,” Brendon said and his voice sounded too soft even for his own ears.
“We’re fine, Brendon. When are you coming back?”
“Soon. I want to come home so badly,” he answered and it was the honest to god truth. “I miss you,” he added.
“We miss you too.”
~+~
Brendon nearly brained himself on the freaking doorframe as he opened the door so hastily it made a noise that didn’t sound too good. It was daylight still and he was so tired, but he just threw his stuff into a corner of the apartment, got a pillow and a blanket and laid down on the floor in front of the closet. He waited for the night to come.
~+~
Something soft and cool touched his arm and he jerked awake. He felt disoriented and groggy and still tired as hell.
“Hm?”
“You’re back,” Gerard said softly.
Brendon rubbed the sleep from his eyes and looked at the darkness in the closet, around the closet. It looked gloomy, it never used to look that way before.
“I’m back,” Brendon answered.
Gerard sat down next to him and then Mikey came out of the darkness as well, it didn’t look that gloomy, Mikey's darkness had something tired around it. It looked exhausted and Brendon didn’t even wonder how he knew, or how insane that sounded even in his head. It just was and he felt horrible for leaving them.
“Are you okay?” Gerard asked, Mikey lit a cigarette and then one for his brother. Gerard took it without looking away from Brendon’s face.
“I’m fine, I missed you guys.”
“You look exhausted,” Mikey stated.
“I am exhausted, but so are you,” Brendon said carefully.
“It’s hard not having a job and someone who lives in a house permanently,” Gerard shrugged like it was nothing, but Brendon knew it wasn’t nothing.
“How dangerous is it when I’m gone for long?”
“Not very,” Mikey answered. It seemed to be the truth, usually it was Gerard who lied.
“But it’s hard?”
“Of course,” Gerard said.
Brendon reached out and tugged on Gerard’s shirt until Gerard hugged him. It was cool and smooth and weird, but it was also awesome and familiar by now. Mikey scooted closer and let his head fall on Brendon’s shoulder. He let out a soft sigh like he could finally breathe. Brendon knew exactly how that felt.
~+~
The new house was not really super big, but it had two bedrooms and a nice kitchen and a big closet. And a dressing room, tiny, but without windows and Gerard was painting it with creepy stars and woods and all kinds of night-shadowy things.
Brendon was sitting outside of it, playing around with melodies and watching Gerard. Mikey was sitting beside him. Smoking and drinking coffee.
“Is that how your world looks like?” Brendon asked quietly. Gerard was humming something under his breath. Brendon liked hearing Gerard sing, in another world he was sure Gerard would’ve been the superstar and Brendon, well, he didn’t know - something else.
“Not exactly, the pictures don’t move,” Mikey answered.
“Ah,” Brendon said. Of course it made sense. Everything about the darkness was in constant motion, fluid and scary and beautiful. The pictures on the wall of the closet and dressing room, black shadows like silhouettes, on purple and blue ground, were stationary.
“It’s as close to home as it gets here,” Mikey whispered.
“You regret it that you left?”
“No,” Mikey answered and it sounded sure. It sounded like he didn’t even think about it because he didn’t need to. The answer would always be no. He didn’t regret following Gerard.
Brendon leaned against him. “I’m glad.”
“Yeah?” Mikey asked, his breath hitting Brendon’s neck.
“Yeah.” He was glad, he was glad he didn’t have to be alone, he was glad Mikey didn’t regret leaving everything behind to live in Brendon’s closet, he was glad Gerard was here.
~+~
“So, will you stay like forever?” Brendon asked out of the blue on a Saturday night. He stayed home, blew his friends off -like he usually did and stayed home to watch movies with Gerard and Mikey, because it was Mikey’s off night.
“Until you die,” Mikey answered taking a sip of coffee.
“Until I die.” Brendon repeated. “But you are immortal, right?”
“In our world, yeah,” Gerard said. Brendon could feel how the mood shifted from comfortable to not.
“So, when I die, what will you do?”
Mikey put the mug down and looked at him. His face was a blank and the darkness in the corners curled. Mikey was upset, because Gerard was upset. “We die.” He said it just like that, like it didn’t matter. At all.
Gerard leaned his head against the back of the couch and closed his eyes, the darkness in the corners came crawling forward, enclosing the TV, the couch, them. Brendon’s heart raced with something that could be panic if he let it. He took a deep breath and reached out to brush Gerard’s red glowing hair behind his ear. Gerard jerked and turned his head in Brendon’s direction.
“I’m sorry I asked,” he whispered.
“It’s okay,” Gerard whispered back.
“It made you sad,” Brendon said.
Gerard shrugged and Mikey cuddled closer to him, the darkness in the corners backed away slowly. “You need to know these things,” Mikey said.
“I- don’t really want to,” Brendon admitted. “I don’t want you to die.”
“Everyone dies,” Mikey answered.
“You wouldn’t,” Gerard said softly, stroking his brother’s neck.
“Gee,” Mikey sighed. “I would. Without you I would.” For Mikey it was just that simple, Brendon realised. He kept the things that mattered close, the people who did even closer and there would be no world, no universe where he could be alone, where he could leave Gerard or let Gerard leave him. It was reassuring and it made Brendon ache painfully for a family like that.
“You’re thinking too loud,” Mikey said and tugged on Brendon’s wrist so he was even closer to them. “I’m keeping you too.”
Brendon leaned his head on Gerard’s shoulder and closed his eyes. He breathed out and in again and listened to the background noise until he fell asleep.
~end~
Author: creepylicious/alles_luege
Pairing: pre-slash/gen
Rating: PG-13
Summary: A story about the Ways being bogeymen living in Brendon’s closet.
Brendon shrugged. “I'm just trying to figure out if I'm crazy or if the two bogeymen, because I was just that lucky as a child, are really asking me if they can stay in my closet so they don't die.”
Warning(s): none
Author’s Notes: Written for bandomreversebb. Very awesome mix by the lovely dr_jasley. This was mostly inspired by these songs: Put your lights on, Pieces and Dead hour.
Word Count: 5.987
Beta: asm_z
Disclaimer: Don’t know, don’t own, not real
Brendon hadn't seen Gerard in years. He rubbed his eyes a bit too hard and blinked. Nope. Still there.
“I'm drunk. I'm so so drunk,” he mumbled.
“Yep,” Gerard answered. He was smoking again. Brendon got shit from his mom for this and she didn't believe him it wasn't him. She couldn't prove he was smoking, but he couldn't prove to her he wasn't. It was like believing in god, stuck somewhere between here and there. One foot in the bedroom and one out the door, to quote Pete.
“Are you alone?” he made himself ask, because if Gerard wanted to talk for some weird freaking reason, who was Brendon to stop him? Even if that was Brendon's shitty apartment and all. Besides it never worked when Brendon told Gerard to just leave, please. ('But why not?' Brendon asked, clutching a pillow to his chest. Yoggi, the unicorn, was too far away to reach and he didn't want to get up. Didn't want to step out of the bed. 'It doesn't work like that. I have hours I need to do.' Gerard had answered, taking a deep drag of his cigarette.) Usually Gerard wasn't alone.
“Yeah, right now.”
“Oh, okay. Why are you here, Gerard?” Brendon wanted to know and he wanted to know it desperately, because what the all loving fuck! He wasn't five anymore.
“I quit,” Gerard answered.
“You what? How? I mean, is that even possible?” Because what the all loving fuck! This couldn't be his life. It just plain couldn't be his life. He was probably still very, very, drunk. And imagining things, he had just no idea why he would imagine Gerard and alone. Without Mikey.
“I quit. I quit the job. I told them I'm out and they said suit yourself. Find yourself a place to stay. It seems, it is possible. I bet these fuckers are waiting for me to come back, because no one ever quit. You know?”
“What about Mikey?” Brendon asked, sitting down. He needed to be sitting right now.
Gerard shifted uneasily and looked out of the window. “I don't know. I couldn't tell him. I don't think he knows yet. They kicked me out of my closet.”
“How can he not know? You know what? I don't care. What I do care about is why you're here?”
Gerard took another drag of his smoke. Brendon wanted desperately to open a window, but it was the end of autumn and no way in hell was he freezing more than he had to anyway. He wished he could afford a better apartment.
“I need a place to stay.”
“Hotel?”
“I need a place to stay where someone lives who knows that I'm there.”
“You mean you need someone who believes in you.”
Gerard nodded once sharply. “Yeah.”
“Oh fuck my life.”
“Your closet is big,” Gerard said.
“You can't live in my closet Gerard,” Brendon answered, closing his eyes. He didn't want to see Gerard's pale face. He didn't want to remember Gerard at all. But it was a little too late for that. It seemed he never forgot Gerard. Or Mikey.
“I can't live anywhere else.”
“What about some kid's closet? Isn't that your normal place to be?”
“People who are living there have jobs, Brendon. I do not. I can't live in a kid's closet. There are all kinds of stupid regulations about these kinds of things. You wouldn't even believe it. Stupid fuckers.”
“And if you- I don't know, just not live in a closet?” He asked opening his eyes. Gerard didn't go away just because Brendon couldn't see him. That didn't work when he was five either.
“I'll disappear,” Gerard said in a soft tone.
“Disappear?” Brendon echoed.
Gerard nodded. “Yeah.”
“Like stop to exist, evaporate, die?” Brendon asked. His throat felt dry.
Gerard shrugged. “I guess.”
Brendon didn't want Gerard to die. At times Gerard had been the only friend he had, well, Gerard and Mikey. Brendon sighed. “Okay. This will be temporarily?”
“Uhm,” Gerard said.
“Right. Whatever. I'm probably still drunk and none of this is real anyway.”
“If it makes you sleep better at night,” Gerard answered finishing his cigarette.
“No smoking in the closet!” Brendon said and then just fell into the pillows. “I'm going to sleep now.”
“See you tomorrow night then,” Gerard answered.
~+~
By the morning there was nothing in the closet at all, but then at day there never was anything suspicious in a closet. Every child knew that. Still, maybe, Brendon thought, I was so drunk I made up Gerard showing up for some weird reason. Maybe because I'm lonely, he thought. He was. Being kicked out of a house with three million siblings and then being on his own sucked so hard at times, he didn't even have words for it.
He grabbed a bite, his shoes and school stuff and was out of the door. There were lessons to be learned and then shifts to work and then homework and band-practice and then he could fall face down on his mattress just to do it all over again the next day.
~+~
The apartment was dark, like really dark, like the darkness was expanding and growing inside these four walls - and it smelled like smoke.
Brendon groaned.
“You're home,” Gerard said, stepping out of the shadows around the closet.
“And pretty late. This is not your old home,” Mikey said. He was lurking around the closet, like he didn't want to let go of whatever was in there. And Brendon knew that there was something there. The darkness and all the shivers and creepy feelings. It was like a perfume, as if the closet had a personality or something. Just recently acquired though. He shook his head and the feeling off. Nothing creepier than the brothers here.
“I live alone now,” Brendon answered.
“But you're still a kid!” Gerard said. He sounded like he wanted to smash something to pieces. The darkness became nearly unbearable, suffocating.
“I'm seventeen and stop it! It creeps me the hell out,” Brendon replied sharper than he wanted to.
“Sorry,” Gerard looked sheepish as he lit a cigarette and then one for Mikey. They looked still the same, Brendon observed. Still the same. Only he was older now. Past the age where he though there were monsters under his bed and stuff living in his closet. Not that Gerard and Mikey could be described as 'stuff'.
“So, you quit, too?” Brendon asked, crossing the small room to get to the kitchen, that wasn't much bigger than a shoe-box, and make something to eat.
“Yeah. It's no fun without Gee.”
“It never was fun,” Gerard answered, following Brendon into the kitchen. He sat down on a chair and watched. Brendon could feel his gaze at his back.
“You know what I mean,” Mikey said.
“You guys want something to eat?” Brendon asked, turning to face them. Mikey was leaning against the door, bony hip against the frame. He looked like a normal twenty something old dude. Nothing extraordinary to see here. Please move on. Yeah, right.
“Sure,” Gerard replied with a grin.
~+~
“So,” Brendon said, putting dishes away. “What are you going to do now?”
“What do you mean?” Mikey asked.
“I mean. You guys have no jobs anymore. I have no idea what kind of-” he flailed with his arms a bit, “stuff you do in your dimension or whatever, but I guess you'll have to adjust to being here all the time.”
“Oh,” Gerard said, like he hadn’t thought about it. He probably hadn’t. Must have been a big step to quit your job as the bogeyman and well, Brendon had no idea, actually how to end that sentence. Not even in his head.
“You are still a bogeyman, right?”
“Yeah,” Gerard nodded, his red hair falling into his face. It looked fierce, this red hair. Scared the living shit out of him when he was four.
“So, you can't live on your own, but can you like leave the apartment? You can leave the closet at will and I guess you guys went back to wherever bogeymen live when they aren't on the job, right?”
“Well,” Mikey shifted and then came into the kitchen to sit on the table beside is brother. “We don't go away as much as we just fade to sleep.”
“You were living in my closet all the freaking time?” Brendon asked.
“We don't hear anything,” Gerard reassured him.
Brendon sat down. “I need a moment here.”
“Sure. We have all the time in the world.” And the funny thing was, that Mikey and Gerard had all the time in the world. They weren't even a real part of this world or whatever. It made Brendon's head hurt to think about this. He had enough problems already.
“You don't come out during day, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Is it a vampire, sunset thing or--” he stopped not knowing how to end that sentence.
“No, we, it must be dark. Just dark. We can go out during day hours too if it's really dark inside wherever we are, but if you're on the job all night, well, you tend to go to sleep during day hours.”
Brendon nodded. Made perfect sense, as long as he didn't think too much about how they weren't even real!
“I could go into the closet and close the door and wake you up?” Just curiosity, not that he was planning to do something like that.
Mikey smirked. A fine, delicate smirk, barely there at all but Brendon has known Mikey since he was three and a half. “Now, why would you want to do that?” he asked.
Brendon shrugged. “I'm just trying to figure out if I'm crazy or if the two bogeymen, because I was just that lucky as a child, are really asking me if they can stay in my closet so they don't die.”
Gerard looked a bit unhappy and Mikey looked a bit pissed off, the darkness in the corners began to shift and Brendon thought the temperature dropped.
“Mikey,” Gerard said softly and Mikey closed his eyes, clenched his hands to fists and then exhaled carefully. The darkness creped away slowly. “It is real,” he said to Brendon and reached out to touch Brendon's hand.
It felt warm, human even, but Brendon shivered anyway. “You can stay. Both of you. God help me.”
“Thank you,” Gerard answered and it sounded strangely formal.
~+~
The apartment was surprisingly cluttered after a week of sharing his space with Mikey and Gerard.
“I didn't even think you guys had stuff!” Brendon said, putting CD's and a few books aside so he could sit down on his own ratty couch.
“What do you think we're doing while you're asleep?” Mikey asked. He sounded like he didn't care much for an answer, but Brendon knew him. Mikey did care.
“I don't know. I didn't think about it. You were the monsters in my freaking closet. I was trying to convince my mom you were real or forget about you.”
“And yet,” Mikey said, “you never did.”
“No,” Brendon answered, not looking at Mikey or Gerard for that matter. The thing was that he should have outgrown it by now. Should have outgrown them. And yet here he was, sitting on his couch with his childhood bogeymen.
“Lucky us,” Gerard said, there was a smile in his voice and Brendon turned to see it.
He smiled back. “I guess.”
Mikey made a noise and then got up and to the kitchen. “Please tell me we have coffee?” he asked.
“Uhm...”
“Oh my god! We will die!” Mikey answered and came back with Brendon's coat. “Buy some now.”
“With what money?” Brendon asked.
“You don't have money for coffee?” Gerard wanted to know, he looked like there was something seriously wrong with the world they were living in. Brendon, of course, knew that there was something seriously fucked up about the world he was living in.
“My parents kicked me out. I have school, a job that doesn't really pay enough and rent to pay.”
“Before, we could just use the closet to go wherever and take whatever,” Mikey sighed. “It sucks to be unemployed.”
Gerard nodded gravely.
~+~
Brendon woke up on the couch to harsh whispers. He looked around and then concentrated on the darkness near the closet. It was unnatural, like there was a barrier between it and the light from the window.
“You guys still awake?” he asked.
“Yeah, because Gerard has a plan,” Mikey said, he didn't sound happy about whatever his brother came up with while Brendon was out cold on the couch.
“Do I even want to know?” He got up and stepped cautiously closer. He didn't breach the darkness, but hovered at the line instead.
“He thinks we should get jobs.”
“Like regular human jobs?” Brendon asked.
Mikey crossed his arms over his chest and nodded. Gerard lit a cigarette and Brendon gave him a look. Gerard ignored the “no smoking in the closet” rule all too often for Brendon's taste. Spencer was asking if he took up smoking and as Brendon said he didn't, he asked if he had a girlfriend. Things started to get complicated.
“We need money for coffee, at least,” Gerard said reasonably.
Mikey sighed. “We do need money for coffee, at least and cigarettes,” he admitted.
“Still, human jobs? And only by night? What can you guys even do, besides, you know, controlling shadows and install fear from hell in small children?”
“You're still bitter about the hair thing?” Gerard asked with one eyebrow raised.
Brendon shrugged. “Maybe.” He had been five and Gerard's red, bloody hair was a freaking sign of Satan, okay? He had drawn pictures after pictures of Gerard and his hair. His mom was very disturbed by it. He was forced to see a doctor because he had had such freaking nightmares.
“I like it,” Mikey said softy, pulling at a strand of Gerard's hair gently. Gerard smiled. “It does look bad-ass.”
Brendon snapped his fingers and they turned to him. “What kind of job?”
“Not sure yet,” Gerard said, yawning. His cigarette was burned down to the filter and he put it out against the wall close to the closet. Brendon sighed.
“We'll think about it more tonight,” Mikey promised, he was looking tired too.
Brendon glanced at the clock. Well, it was bedtime for little bogeymen and he was nearly late for class again.
“Okay.”
“Could you please organise some coffee?” Gerard asked. He looked pitiful.
“I'll try.”
~+~
Brendon spent his last money on coffee. He had no idea why the hell he did it. Or maybe he did. It was nice having someone around, even if only for a few hours a day, or night as the brothers were only existing in the shadows.
He opened the door to Mikey and Gerard arguing. They were sharing a smoke. Must have been the last one, he thought.
“Brendon! Good you're back. Gerard is being insane.” He came closer and peered into the bag Brendon was carrying. “You brought us coffee. You are by all means my favourite human.”
“Were you reading Pride and Prejudice and Zombies again?” Brendon asked, suspicion colouring his voice.
“Prove it,” he answered, snagging the bag away and opening the packet. He inhaled deeply and Brendon shook his head. While Mikey was preparing coffee in the kitchen for them, Gerard sat down next to Brendon on the couch.
“What was this all about?”
“Bar tending. I think I can manage that.”
“Uhm...” Brendon said.
“What? Mikey was looking at me that way too. I'm great with people.”
“You are great with children when you aren't trying to install the fear of god in them, Gerard.”
Gerard bit his lip and kept quiet. “Mikey is good with people. I mean, real people,” Brendon said after a while of silence. He never could stand silence much. It rang too loud in his head.
“Children are real people,” Gerard answered eventually and Brendon wanted to hug him.
“Yeah, they are.”
~+~
Gerard was moping. Brendon could tell by the shape the shadow of his closet was casting. Mikey was out working and Gerard still hadn’t managed to get a job. Brendon took less shifts now, but he still wasn't home much, because Ryan doubled practice.
He sat in front of the closet, his throat feeling raw from singing his heart out and waited.
“I don't get it,” Gerard said eventually.
“You are just-” Brendon waved his hand and Gerard looked blankly at him. “An acquired taste?” he tried.
“Gee, I feel so much better now.” The shadows around the closet drew back, curled in on themselves. Brendon could see Gerard's hair. It was the only thing he could see in the blackness of the closet and he suspected he only could see it because the lamp was standing just at the right angle or something. It shone hell-pit fire red.
“Could you please come out of the closet?” Brendon asked softly.
“I swear there is a lesson here or a joke, somewhere,” Gerard said, stepping out of the shadows. Or maybe it was more like the shadows gave him free, like he was born out of the darkness and fear inside the closet. He sat down in front of Brendon, right there on the floor.
Brendon smiled. “I'm sure you'll find it with time.”
“I want to help you,” Gerard said earnestly.
“I know.”
“You let us live here and we're eating your food and drinking your coffee and making you buy us smokes.”
“I know.”
Gerard bit his lip and looked away, he seemed troubled. Brendon reached out and touched Gerard's arm. The fabric of his shirt didn't feel solid, it felt a bit like water. Slippery to the touch. Gerard turned to face him.
“Maybe this wasn't such a good idea.”
“Yeah? What other choices did you have?”
“Not quitting the job? Not making Mikey follow me, because I knew he would.”
“And being unhappy for the rest of your life? Because I know you hated it. You hate it still.”
Gerard nodded. “But I didn't think it through.”
“Well, shit happens and we deal and I like you being here,” Brendon answered.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah,” he said and squeezed Gerard's arm.
~+~
Ryan was giving him looks. It was never a good thing when Ryan Ross started to give someone looks. Besides, Ryan was scheming. He was doing something. Spencer was in on it too, because Spencer was always in on everything Ryan did.
He flopped down on the couch and closed his eyes. This was way too much. On some days he just didn't think he could manage it all alone. On some days he just wanted his mom back.
“You okay?” Gerard asked.
Brendon startled, he didn't even hear Gerard coming in. “Jesus, don't sneak up on me like that. I could've died of a heart attack and what a shame would that be? The world would've lost a singer.”
Gerard looked down at him and frowned. “You look like shit.”
“You shouldn't watch so much TV anymore,” Brendon answered sternly.
Gerard smiled, lit a cigarette and sat down on the floor apposite to the couch. “I didn't learn to curse from the TV, Brendon. I had a life before too, you know? We learn from the people around us.”
“But you're only around children, Gee,” Brendon replied.
Gerard exhaled. “No, not only.” He didn't elaborate and Brendon was too tired to ask about the elusive world of the bogeymen. “You want some coffee? It helps when you're tired.”
“I want to curl up with someone in bed and sleep,” Brendon said without really thinking about it.
“Okay,” Gerard said and Brendon looked at him bleary.
“Okay what?”
“Let's go to bed. You can curl up around me,” he answered, putting the cigarette out on a dirty coffee mug, some day Brendon'll have to talk about the mug thing and leaving them everywhere. He reached his hand out and Brendon grabbed it, let Gerard pull him up.
“Thanks.”
“Don't mention it.”
~+~
“You're going to record an album?” Mikey asked, a bit awed.
“Yeah!” Because hell yes, they were, he was.
“And you'll be gone for how long?” Gerard wanted to know.
“Oh. I don't know. You guys will be okay. I will put food in the fridge and every cabinet and you can go out and buy your own cigarettes now, I mean, Mikey does it anyway.”
“And coffee,” Mikey threw in.
“Yes!”
“But, you won't be here for only god knows how long,” Gerard clarified.
“I'll come back and as soon as we're famous I'll move into a house with a big closet for you guys to stay in,” he nodded to emphasise this plan.
“We could come with,” Mikey said.
“What?”
“We could come with. Wherever you are we can be as long as there is a closet you call your own.”
“I don't know if I'll get my own closet, guys.”
“Call us?” Gerard said, lighting a cigarette. It was his third since Brendon told them the news.
“Of course, but Gerard, I'm coming back,” Brendon answered and grabbed the slippery t-shirt to hug the living hell out of him. “I'm coming back.”
“I know.”
~+~
“Gerard is making tour posters,” Mikey said as soon as he picked up the phone.
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
“How awesome are they? If one is Disney and 10 is Batman?”
“Eleven,” Mikey answered, something tender in his voice that was only ever reserved for when he talked about Gerard.
“He wants to see you on tour. You think you can have your own closet? Can you manage?”
“I can talk to Pete. I miss you guys too,” Brendon said.
Mikey made a noise. “Gerard wants to talk to you.”
“Sure.” Brendon waited for Mikey to give the phone over to Gerard.
~+~
“Hey, Brendon, how is the tour?”
“Awesome! You need to come out and see us. Hotel night is tomorrow and I share a room with Ryan, but I have my own closet. So, please come?”
“Yeah,” Gerard said and Brendon could hear the smile in his voice.
“Is Mikey working?”
“Yeah, he is.”
“You still haven’t found a job?”
“I'll be a kept bogeyman soon enough,” Gerard joked. Brendon was glad that Gerard wasn't so depressed anymore about it.
“You can bet your ass on it.”
“We miss you. Do you have fun?”
“What part of awesome was unclear to you, Gee?”
Gerard laughed. “Yeah, okay.”
“Bring your new comic? I know you were working on something.”
“Mikey needs to learn how to keep his mouth shut.”
“I think that will never happen and besides he only says something when it seems important.”
“It's nothing,” Gerard tried.
“Yeah, right. It must be fucking glorious if Mikey is writing poetry about it, Gee. Bring it. I want to show it off.”
“Okay.”
“Thanks. Have to go, but I'll be waiting in front of the closet tomorrow night. Don't be late-”
“As soon as the sun goes down.”
“Have to remember that for later,” Brendon said.
“Bye Brendon.”
“Bye Gerard.”
~+~
Brendon was sitting in front of the small built in closet as soon as the sun went down. Ryan was out like a light, which was a good thing. Brendon breathed and waited. He was drumming his knuckles softly against the carpeted floor and tried not to think what might be living there.
“Brendon?” came a soft whisper. It sounded like autumn leaves against an old window. Brendon shivered without really meaning too.
“I'm here and Ryan is sleeping, so we have to be quiet, okay?”
“Okay,” Gerard said, emerging from the shadows of the closet. It looked fucking creepy. His form just appeared piece by piece. Here an arm, here a finger, a strand of long red hair in the darkness. And then the pieces put themselves together. Gerard smiled down at him and behind him was Mikey.
“Hey, you made it,” Brendon whispered.
“We did,” Gerard sat down on the floor immediately, Mikey gave it a dubious look before sighing and sitting down next to his brother.
“No smoking, hmm?” he asked.
“No, I don't want the fire alarm to go off.”
“So, you're the big singer now?” Mikey asked. He was looking curious.
“Nah, I'm just pretending and singing whatever Ryan wants me to sing, but it's a lot of fun. If this plays out like Pete thinks it will, we'll be touring Europe.”
“Europe?” Gerard wanted to know, he looked a bit pale, Brendon thought.
“Yeah, you can still visit in Europe, can’t you?”
“Sure,” Gerard said. Mikey kept quiet. It was the not good kind of quiet. Brendon stored that information away for later. He'll have to have a word with Mikey.
“So, I asked Pete to record a show for you guys, because we play during daylight and well...so, you can watch it at home?”
“Yeah?” Mikey asked. He always had a thing for music and Brendon just hoped he wouldn't think they were bad.
“Yeah. Tell me what you think after?”
“Sure,” Mikey answered, taking the CD from Brendon.
“The quality isn't the greatest.”
“It never is,” Mikey said and nodded like it meant something. Maybe it did, but Brendon had no idea what. It didn't really matter, though. The CD dissipated into the dankness that was Mikey's hoodie. Brendon still didn't know if the clothes they were wearing were made from pure darkness or if they were a part of them. Like a skin that you can model. Which would be super cool and super creepy. He didn't have it in him yet to ask about it.
“Brendon?” came Ryan's soft voice and Brendon froze, so did Mikey and Gerard.
“Yeah?”
“What are you doing?”
“Nothing...”
“Are you talking to the closet, because it looks like you're talking to the closet,” Ryan said, he sounded tired and grumpy and like he didn't really care, but had the feeling if his singer was going insane (HA! BECAUSE FUCKING HA!) he had to say something. Brendon was sure he was secretly wishing for Spencer to be here so he could take care of this and maybe Ryan was in this moment making plans to switch rooms with him the next chance he got. Brendon couldn't really blame him for it.
“I'm not losing it, Ross-”
“I didn't say that,” Ryan answered and Brendon could hear him sit up. He rolled his eyes. It's not like he would see much anyway. What with the room being so damn dark. Ryan gasped and Brendon could hear the covers rustle. Maybe Ryan could just see enough. “Go back to bed, okay, Brendon?” Ryan whispered.
Brendon nodded, even if Ryan couldn't see it, he grabbed for Gerard's hand and as he found it in the darkness that blanketed their features, he squeezed. “Next hotel night is in three days,” he whispered.
“We'll be there,” Mikey whispered back and Gerard nodded, or the darkness in the closet nodded, but it was Gerard's darkness, so it was okay.
“Brendon, for god's sake, just go to bed. We have a show to play, places to be and-”
“You're grumpy when you don't get your beauty sleep, I get it Ross.”
The darkness snickered and Brendon's lips curled into a smile. He got up. Ryan huffed and mumbled something under his breath, but laid back down.
Brendon got up from the floor and didn’t look back in the closet’s direction as he got into bed.
~+~
It was hard not being able to be with Gerard and Mikey always like he used to be. He missed them all the freaking time. They couldn’t visit as often as they wanted, because it wore them out. Something to do with how they weren’t living in their own world anymore, how they didn’t have jobs. It was all kinda complicated and to be honest Brendon didn’t want to know too much about it. There were things you couldn’t come back from, this seemed like one of these things. And then there was the problem of time zones to deal with as well. He only talked for a few minutes before his band made him hang up or Pete for that matter. It was expensive and it was stupid and Brendon wanted to go home on some days so freaking badly it hurt. He missed his shitty apartment and his small closet where his bogeymen lived in.
~+~
On the other hand things were really well, Pete was beaming all the time at how well it was. They had fans and they made a video and people sang their songs back at them. It was awesome. And there was money. He had money and he didn’t need to worry about it.
“It can only get better from here,” Pete said grinning.
Brendon nodded. He was hoping that Gerard and Mikey would make it, because it was a hotel night and he had a closet to call his own. “Yeah,” he answered.
“You miss home?”
“Yeah.”
“Someone special?” Pete asked casually, and that was the thing, Brendon didn’t really pay attention to it.
“Gerard,” he said, “and Mikey.”
“Your friends?” Pete wondered, because of course he never spoke much about them, only when he showed his band Gerard’s comics and drawings and tour posters.
Brendon nodded. They were friends.
Pete gave him a look, but keep quiet.
~+~
“Are you okay?” Gerard asked, he sounded concerned as hell.
“Yes, I am. How are you guys?”
“We have coffee and we have cigarettes and-“
“Gee,” Brendon said and his voice sounded too soft even for his own ears.
“We’re fine, Brendon. When are you coming back?”
“Soon. I want to come home so badly,” he answered and it was the honest to god truth. “I miss you,” he added.
“We miss you too.”
~+~
Brendon nearly brained himself on the freaking doorframe as he opened the door so hastily it made a noise that didn’t sound too good. It was daylight still and he was so tired, but he just threw his stuff into a corner of the apartment, got a pillow and a blanket and laid down on the floor in front of the closet. He waited for the night to come.
~+~
Something soft and cool touched his arm and he jerked awake. He felt disoriented and groggy and still tired as hell.
“Hm?”
“You’re back,” Gerard said softly.
Brendon rubbed the sleep from his eyes and looked at the darkness in the closet, around the closet. It looked gloomy, it never used to look that way before.
“I’m back,” Brendon answered.
Gerard sat down next to him and then Mikey came out of the darkness as well, it didn’t look that gloomy, Mikey's darkness had something tired around it. It looked exhausted and Brendon didn’t even wonder how he knew, or how insane that sounded even in his head. It just was and he felt horrible for leaving them.
“Are you okay?” Gerard asked, Mikey lit a cigarette and then one for his brother. Gerard took it without looking away from Brendon’s face.
“I’m fine, I missed you guys.”
“You look exhausted,” Mikey stated.
“I am exhausted, but so are you,” Brendon said carefully.
“It’s hard not having a job and someone who lives in a house permanently,” Gerard shrugged like it was nothing, but Brendon knew it wasn’t nothing.
“How dangerous is it when I’m gone for long?”
“Not very,” Mikey answered. It seemed to be the truth, usually it was Gerard who lied.
“But it’s hard?”
“Of course,” Gerard said.
Brendon reached out and tugged on Gerard’s shirt until Gerard hugged him. It was cool and smooth and weird, but it was also awesome and familiar by now. Mikey scooted closer and let his head fall on Brendon’s shoulder. He let out a soft sigh like he could finally breathe. Brendon knew exactly how that felt.
~+~
The new house was not really super big, but it had two bedrooms and a nice kitchen and a big closet. And a dressing room, tiny, but without windows and Gerard was painting it with creepy stars and woods and all kinds of night-shadowy things.
Brendon was sitting outside of it, playing around with melodies and watching Gerard. Mikey was sitting beside him. Smoking and drinking coffee.
“Is that how your world looks like?” Brendon asked quietly. Gerard was humming something under his breath. Brendon liked hearing Gerard sing, in another world he was sure Gerard would’ve been the superstar and Brendon, well, he didn’t know - something else.
“Not exactly, the pictures don’t move,” Mikey answered.
“Ah,” Brendon said. Of course it made sense. Everything about the darkness was in constant motion, fluid and scary and beautiful. The pictures on the wall of the closet and dressing room, black shadows like silhouettes, on purple and blue ground, were stationary.
“It’s as close to home as it gets here,” Mikey whispered.
“You regret it that you left?”
“No,” Mikey answered and it sounded sure. It sounded like he didn’t even think about it because he didn’t need to. The answer would always be no. He didn’t regret following Gerard.
Brendon leaned against him. “I’m glad.”
“Yeah?” Mikey asked, his breath hitting Brendon’s neck.
“Yeah.” He was glad, he was glad he didn’t have to be alone, he was glad Mikey didn’t regret leaving everything behind to live in Brendon’s closet, he was glad Gerard was here.
~+~
“So, will you stay like forever?” Brendon asked out of the blue on a Saturday night. He stayed home, blew his friends off -like he usually did and stayed home to watch movies with Gerard and Mikey, because it was Mikey’s off night.
“Until you die,” Mikey answered taking a sip of coffee.
“Until I die.” Brendon repeated. “But you are immortal, right?”
“In our world, yeah,” Gerard said. Brendon could feel how the mood shifted from comfortable to not.
“So, when I die, what will you do?”
Mikey put the mug down and looked at him. His face was a blank and the darkness in the corners curled. Mikey was upset, because Gerard was upset. “We die.” He said it just like that, like it didn’t matter. At all.
Gerard leaned his head against the back of the couch and closed his eyes, the darkness in the corners came crawling forward, enclosing the TV, the couch, them. Brendon’s heart raced with something that could be panic if he let it. He took a deep breath and reached out to brush Gerard’s red glowing hair behind his ear. Gerard jerked and turned his head in Brendon’s direction.
“I’m sorry I asked,” he whispered.
“It’s okay,” Gerard whispered back.
“It made you sad,” Brendon said.
Gerard shrugged and Mikey cuddled closer to him, the darkness in the corners backed away slowly. “You need to know these things,” Mikey said.
“I- don’t really want to,” Brendon admitted. “I don’t want you to die.”
“Everyone dies,” Mikey answered.
“You wouldn’t,” Gerard said softly, stroking his brother’s neck.
“Gee,” Mikey sighed. “I would. Without you I would.” For Mikey it was just that simple, Brendon realised. He kept the things that mattered close, the people who did even closer and there would be no world, no universe where he could be alone, where he could leave Gerard or let Gerard leave him. It was reassuring and it made Brendon ache painfully for a family like that.
“You’re thinking too loud,” Mikey said and tugged on Brendon’s wrist so he was even closer to them. “I’m keeping you too.”
Brendon leaned his head on Gerard’s shoulder and closed his eyes. He breathed out and in again and listened to the background noise until he fell asleep.
~end~