Choosing my confessions
Title: Choosing my confessions
Author: creepylicious/alles_luege
Pairing: Mikey/Gerard
Rating: R
Summary: This is a story about twisted grand gestures.
He likes to draw them, keep them in his sketchbook. Hidden away from the world. His own collection of creepy, scary, beautiful girls who fucked his brother.
Warning(s): mentions of sex, incest, disturbing imaginary
Author’s Notes: Part of the 13 days to Samhain ficathon .
Word Count: 1.146
Beta: stones_at_moons
Disclaimer: Don’t know, don’t own, not real
~1~
The best part and the worst part are actually the same for Mikey. It's the spike of jealousy and being alive. It's like when he was a kid and jumped into the deep part of the pool for the first time trusting Gerard to be there. So he wouldn't drown.
Gerard was always there.
He's standing in front of her house and he knows she's alone right now. He's smoking a cigarette and just waiting. There is always too much and too little time. A paradox, maybe.
She probably still smells like Gerard. Her sweat mingled with his.
He exhales smoke slowly and flips the butt onto the pavement. It's starting to rain - a good thing actually. She'll let him in that way easier. She knows him.
They all know him, because Gerard is always showing him off. Mikey doesn't mind.
After all, he does the same.
~+~
Sooner or later they all start to call him 'the little brother' in conversations. Sooner or later they all catch on. It’s bound to happen.
Sooner or later he'll stand on their doorsteps and they let him in.
Make him tea or coffee, offer a cigarette to smoke on the balcony. Try to talk, polite small-talk he isn't really interested in. And they aren't either. Sooner or later they stop pretending and so does he.
He used to sleep with them.
First after Gerard broke up with them and it was so easy to be the rebound guy. Made it kind of spicy for them that it was Gerard's brother. Mikey didn't care.
Then it just wasn't enough and he slept with them while they were still with Gerard. If Gerard ever found out he didn't say a word, didn't act differently. So Mikey honestly couldn't tell.
~+~
He doesn't wait for Gerard to break up with them anymore. He takes matters into his own hand. It’s surprisingly easy, but then maybe it's years of practice. After all, practice makes perfect.
It's true.
~2~
Gerard likes talking to Mikey's girlfriends. They’re all nice and funny and smart. Pretty in a creepy way. Not that they could scare you away, it's the hint of not quite right that makes them attractive to Mikey, Gerard knows. He’s had years of experience with Mikey and his girlfriends.
~+~
He likes to draw them, keep them in his sketchbook. Hidden away from the world. His own collection of creepy, scary, beautiful girls who fucked his brother.
He likes to sketch their sleeping faces. The curve of their lips, the soft edges of their hands and toes. Hints of piercings and tattoos. Not all of them have some, but when they do he pays attention to detail. He tags them with a date only - no names. He doesn't really care for their names.
Mikey doesn't either, not afterwards, anyway.
Mikey likes to forget they ever existed when they leave him. Gerard can understand it, but he likes to remember them. He likes to remember their curvy lips. Likes to trace the lines in his sketchbook with his finger, carefully because he doesn't want them to smudge. He used to imagine how they would feel under him, how they would taste - but that's a lie, he used to imagine how Mikey would taste on their lips. And that is all the difference that matters.
~+~
Gerard is not the careful type. He is messy, always was and when it comes to this it's no different. The only thing he’s careful with is Mikey and the drawings. Hidden away - for his eyes only.
He kind of hates cleaning up his mess, so he tries to do this fast and as clean as he can. It doesn't always work, but more often than not.
~3~
Gerard is watching something with a lot of dead bodies on the screen when he comes back. He's sprawled on the couch, a mug of coffee in one hand a cigarette in the other. The living room is dark, Gerard's form only illuminated by the blueish light of the TV.
He turns around when he hears Mikey.
“Hey, you're back early,” he says with a soft smile. Mikey kind of loves that smile. It's his first memory, but of course, Gerard wasn't that beautiful back then.
“Yeah,” he answers, closing the distance between them and sitting down on the edge of the couch. Gerard shifts to make room for him.
“Boring night?” Gerard asks, he's not looking at Mikey anymore, his attention half on the movie again. Gerard doesn't pry.
“Not really... just not where I wanted to be,” Mikey answers and it's the honest to god truth.
“Hmm... There is left over pizza in the kitchen,” Gerard offers. “If you're hungry.”
“Nah, it's okay.”
“Okay,” Gerard says, handing his mug over without Mikey even asking for it.
~+~
“You have paint on your collarbone,” Mikey says, cocking his head a bit. Gerard's hand covers it hastily. “Weird dead ducks again?” he asks looking at Gerard's hand.
“No, something else,” Gerard answers. He tries to never lie to Mikey and sometimes he suspects that Mikey doesn't ask the question so that Gerard doesn't have to make something up. Or maybe he doesn't want to hear the truth, maybe because he knows that Gerard isn't ready to tell yet.
“New super secret project?” Mikey wants to know.
“More a work in progress if I'm honest,” he replies, rubbing at the dark red smear absent-minded.
“Hmmm,” Mikey says. His eyes on Gerard's skin. “Show me when you're done?”
“Maybe,” Gerard answers and changes the subject. Mikey lets him.
~+~
Gerard's fingers leave dark smears on Mikey's skin where his hand circles Mikey's wrist. Shimmering grey from the graphite pencil he used a few minutes ago. His sketchbook is lying half forgotten on the bed.
“You keep them all in there,” Mikey whispers with a slight nod in the sketchbook's direction.
“Yeah...” Gerard answers. Mikey can feel his breath on his skin, they're standing so close. “Where do you keep yours?” he breathes.
Mikey leans in so that their lips are nearly touching. “On my skin, for a while...it's not a work in progress for me,” he answers.
Gerard shuts his eyes and closes the nearly nonexistent space between them in total darkness. Mikey's lips feel soft and welcoming and like his own belong there. He makes a noise, but it’s more like a sigh.
“Are you going to stop now?” he asks.
“Are you?”
Gerard really doesn't know. It's more an epic grand gesture by now than just means to an end. A constant proof of his love. Of their love.
“I don't think so,” he answers and feels Mikey's smile against his lips.
~end~
Author: creepylicious/alles_luege
Pairing: Mikey/Gerard
Rating: R
Summary: This is a story about twisted grand gestures.
He likes to draw them, keep them in his sketchbook. Hidden away from the world. His own collection of creepy, scary, beautiful girls who fucked his brother.
Warning(s): mentions of sex, incest, disturbing imaginary
Author’s Notes: Part of the 13 days to Samhain ficathon .
Word Count: 1.146
Beta: stones_at_moons
Disclaimer: Don’t know, don’t own, not real
~1~
The best part and the worst part are actually the same for Mikey. It's the spike of jealousy and being alive. It's like when he was a kid and jumped into the deep part of the pool for the first time trusting Gerard to be there. So he wouldn't drown.
Gerard was always there.
He's standing in front of her house and he knows she's alone right now. He's smoking a cigarette and just waiting. There is always too much and too little time. A paradox, maybe.
She probably still smells like Gerard. Her sweat mingled with his.
He exhales smoke slowly and flips the butt onto the pavement. It's starting to rain - a good thing actually. She'll let him in that way easier. She knows him.
They all know him, because Gerard is always showing him off. Mikey doesn't mind.
After all, he does the same.
~+~
Sooner or later they all start to call him 'the little brother' in conversations. Sooner or later they all catch on. It’s bound to happen.
Sooner or later he'll stand on their doorsteps and they let him in.
Make him tea or coffee, offer a cigarette to smoke on the balcony. Try to talk, polite small-talk he isn't really interested in. And they aren't either. Sooner or later they stop pretending and so does he.
He used to sleep with them.
First after Gerard broke up with them and it was so easy to be the rebound guy. Made it kind of spicy for them that it was Gerard's brother. Mikey didn't care.
Then it just wasn't enough and he slept with them while they were still with Gerard. If Gerard ever found out he didn't say a word, didn't act differently. So Mikey honestly couldn't tell.
~+~
He doesn't wait for Gerard to break up with them anymore. He takes matters into his own hand. It’s surprisingly easy, but then maybe it's years of practice. After all, practice makes perfect.
It's true.
~2~
Gerard likes talking to Mikey's girlfriends. They’re all nice and funny and smart. Pretty in a creepy way. Not that they could scare you away, it's the hint of not quite right that makes them attractive to Mikey, Gerard knows. He’s had years of experience with Mikey and his girlfriends.
~+~
He likes to draw them, keep them in his sketchbook. Hidden away from the world. His own collection of creepy, scary, beautiful girls who fucked his brother.
He likes to sketch their sleeping faces. The curve of their lips, the soft edges of their hands and toes. Hints of piercings and tattoos. Not all of them have some, but when they do he pays attention to detail. He tags them with a date only - no names. He doesn't really care for their names.
Mikey doesn't either, not afterwards, anyway.
Mikey likes to forget they ever existed when they leave him. Gerard can understand it, but he likes to remember them. He likes to remember their curvy lips. Likes to trace the lines in his sketchbook with his finger, carefully because he doesn't want them to smudge. He used to imagine how they would feel under him, how they would taste - but that's a lie, he used to imagine how Mikey would taste on their lips. And that is all the difference that matters.
~+~
Gerard is not the careful type. He is messy, always was and when it comes to this it's no different. The only thing he’s careful with is Mikey and the drawings. Hidden away - for his eyes only.
He kind of hates cleaning up his mess, so he tries to do this fast and as clean as he can. It doesn't always work, but more often than not.
~3~
Gerard is watching something with a lot of dead bodies on the screen when he comes back. He's sprawled on the couch, a mug of coffee in one hand a cigarette in the other. The living room is dark, Gerard's form only illuminated by the blueish light of the TV.
He turns around when he hears Mikey.
“Hey, you're back early,” he says with a soft smile. Mikey kind of loves that smile. It's his first memory, but of course, Gerard wasn't that beautiful back then.
“Yeah,” he answers, closing the distance between them and sitting down on the edge of the couch. Gerard shifts to make room for him.
“Boring night?” Gerard asks, he's not looking at Mikey anymore, his attention half on the movie again. Gerard doesn't pry.
“Not really... just not where I wanted to be,” Mikey answers and it's the honest to god truth.
“Hmm... There is left over pizza in the kitchen,” Gerard offers. “If you're hungry.”
“Nah, it's okay.”
“Okay,” Gerard says, handing his mug over without Mikey even asking for it.
~+~
“You have paint on your collarbone,” Mikey says, cocking his head a bit. Gerard's hand covers it hastily. “Weird dead ducks again?” he asks looking at Gerard's hand.
“No, something else,” Gerard answers. He tries to never lie to Mikey and sometimes he suspects that Mikey doesn't ask the question so that Gerard doesn't have to make something up. Or maybe he doesn't want to hear the truth, maybe because he knows that Gerard isn't ready to tell yet.
“New super secret project?” Mikey wants to know.
“More a work in progress if I'm honest,” he replies, rubbing at the dark red smear absent-minded.
“Hmmm,” Mikey says. His eyes on Gerard's skin. “Show me when you're done?”
“Maybe,” Gerard answers and changes the subject. Mikey lets him.
~+~
Gerard's fingers leave dark smears on Mikey's skin where his hand circles Mikey's wrist. Shimmering grey from the graphite pencil he used a few minutes ago. His sketchbook is lying half forgotten on the bed.
“You keep them all in there,” Mikey whispers with a slight nod in the sketchbook's direction.
“Yeah...” Gerard answers. Mikey can feel his breath on his skin, they're standing so close. “Where do you keep yours?” he breathes.
Mikey leans in so that their lips are nearly touching. “On my skin, for a while...it's not a work in progress for me,” he answers.
Gerard shuts his eyes and closes the nearly nonexistent space between them in total darkness. Mikey's lips feel soft and welcoming and like his own belong there. He makes a noise, but it’s more like a sigh.
“Are you going to stop now?” he asks.
“Are you?”
Gerard really doesn't know. It's more an epic grand gesture by now than just means to an end. A constant proof of his love. Of their love.
“I don't think so,” he answers and feels Mikey's smile against his lips.
~end~