Won’t you break for me? 3 (end)
Title: Won’t you break for me? (3/3)
Author:
alles_luege
Pairing: Ryan/Brendon, Ryan/William, Panic GSF
Rating: R
Summary: Brendon is on a mission to make Ryan happy and if Ryan needs another vampire to make him happy, well, that’s Brendon’s eternal quest then.
Warning(s): Vampires, sex, blood play (a bit), angst, also not a 16 candles Au.
Author’s Notes: Set after ‘Midnight land’. And this is the last part. I swear. I’m done.
Word Count: 4.126
Beta: tygermine
Disclaimer: Don’t know, don’t own, not real
~3~
“Out of love…?” Spencer echoes. Brendon nods.
“What the fuck?!” Ryan is pissed.
“You wanted it.” Brendon says reasonably.
“I…”
“You want it and I give you what you want, I said it once: You can have what you want, you can have…”
“What I desire.” Ryan finishes the sentence with something like awe in his voice. “You meant that.”
“Of course I did. I do.” Brendon says it like it’s the most normal thing in the world. “Besides, it’s William. I mean, as vampires go, he isn’t a bad choice.”
“As bed partners go, he isn’t a bad choice.” Jon throws in, Spencer raises one questioning eyebrow at him. “A gentleman doesn’t talk about it.”
“Oh, kiss and tell.” Brendon says.
“I thought you were just gay for us Walker?” Spencer asks.
“Well…who wouldn’t go for those hips?” Jon wants to know and Brendon laughs. Ryan is silent. He’s still somehow in shock, because Brendon meant it. He meant it and he means it still and Jon…Jon, who always thinks in terms of ‘who’. And Spencer. Spencer who doesn’t deny him anything. Ever.
“Out of love.” He whispers and everything goes still and silent around him. Three pairs of eyes are watching him. “Out of love,” he says again.
“Yeah,” Jon says.
“Of course,” Brendon laughs.
Spencer just nods.
And Ryan still doesn’t know how he could possibly deserve that.
~+~
“Well, that’s awkward.” Ryan says, he’s sitting across from William and doesn’t really know what to do. He always knows what he will do with other people, but not with someone who is like him, because he hasn’t met someone like him. Except this one time, where he was bitten and turned, but that wasn’t a particularly nice experience, definitely nothing to write home about.
“Yeah…I know.” William says with a smile.
“I’m wondering, you know…that you’re willing at all…what with us stealing Jon from you.”
“Do you feed on him?” William asks suddenly. Ryan nods. He doesn’t know what else to do.
“Should I have lied? I don’t know about vampire etiquette.” He says slowly.
“I don’t know either and even if I knew I don’t think it would be something we would concern ourselves with.”
“Maybe…” Ryan answers. There are so many questions in his head. But he doesn’t even know where to start.
“I didn’t…”
“I know…I mean, he didn’t know you were what you are.”
“But you told him.”
“He’s in my band…I mean and besides he’s Jon.” Ryan says with a smile.
“Yeah, he is. Can’t believe he just asked me and made me…” William trails off.
“I know. My whole band is crazy. Totally crazy.”
“And they justify it with love.” William answers.
“Yeah…”
“I think there are worst things you could justify it with.”
“Sure.” Ryan says. He takes a sip from his tea. It somehow feels like a first date and that’s just…he doesn’t even know. He doesn’t want, he doesn’t need. It’s nice, it feels normal. “I wonder,” he starts.
“Yeah?”
“I wonder why I don’t want to rip you apart or force you into submission.”
“I’m not prey.” William says simply.
“Oh…” Yeah, could totally be a reason. “Are you feeding on your band mates?”
“Yes, on some…not all of them. And just when I must.”
“So, you’re not…” he looks into his mug.
“Sleeping with them?”
“Yeah?”
“No, I’m not.” William says.
“Someone else?”
“Yeah.”
“And do you want to…to take control?”
“I…yeah. But I don’t hurt them.” Ryan flinches a bit, he knows William knows about Brendon. “It’s not, I’m not judging or anything.” William adds. “They are prey to us. It’s primal instinct.”
“But you are in control.” Ryan says.
“Not every time…sometimes, sometimes it gets bad, when I didn’t feed for a while or when there is a lot of tension, hate, rage, anger…when there is blood.” William says quietly.
Ryan knows William doesn’t like it, but he’s not ashamed. He isn’t. Ryan wishes he could be like that, just accept everything, but he is ashamed because of what he does with Brendon. “You’re doing it, because he lets you.”
“No, it’s really part of my nature.” Ryan answers and it’s the first time he says it, the first time he really admits it.
“Guess it’s different from person to person.”
William, Ryan notices, thinks in terms of ‘who’ too. Just like Jon does.
~+~
“So how was it?”
“Like a date,” Ryan answers honestly, sprawling over Spencer on the couch.
“No sex?” Brendon wonders.
“No sex.”
“But that’s what you wanted. Wasn’t it?” Brendon asks.
“Yeah, but we talked and it was… he understands.” Ryan answers, his head is lying on Spencer’s shoulder, his hand is playing with the hem of Spencer’s shirt.
“We…we could try?” Brendon says, Ryan knows he wants to be everything Ryan needs and it kills Ryan a little bit that Brendon can’t be that.
“You’re doing enough.” Ryan says with a smile, Spencer is playing with his hair. It’s nice. It’s familiar. “Come here?”
“What for?” Brendon teases.
“So I can have you here, closer to me, to my skin…so I can suck on your neck.” Ryan says and sees Brendon shiver. “You’re only thinking about sex.” He accuses.
“Who’s the one talking about sucking here?” Brendon asks, but he goes nevertheless.
“There isn’t enough space on the couch.” Spencer groans.
“I’m small.”
“He’s small.” Ryan says smiling and Spencer shifts to make room.
“You’re warm…” Brendon says.
“Yeah…” Spencer answers, closing his eyes.
~+~
It’s irritating and interesting that they actually don’t have sex. Interesting because William has a reputation. He totally doesn’t live up to. And irritating, because well they don’t have sex.
“I know.” William says laughing.
“Well, doesn’t it bother you?”
“That I’m apparently a slut?”
“Yeah….” Ryan wouldn’t have said it like that, but yeah.
“No, because I’m not and I know that I’m not sleeping around.”
“It’s funny because I kinda do.” Ryan says.
“Except for the part where you’re not.” William answers.
“Yeah…maybe.” Ryan says smiling. He isn’t sleeping around, because he really loves everyone of them and he doesn’t cheat, because they know and it’s okay, and maybe he really is too hard on himself sometimes.
~+~
“You’re still not sleeping with him.” Spencer says.
“Maybe I don’t need to?” Ryan asks, Spencer’s body heat is surrounding him.
“Are you feeling different?”
“Do I act different?” he wants to know.
“Yeah….calmer. More like everything could be okay.” Spencer answers.
“It’s William.” Spencer is silent. “Spencer?”
“I wish we could have done that for you…you think maybe we made things worse?” he whispers, as if he were scared of the question or the answer, or both.
“I. No. I would never think that. You’re keeping me sane. And besides I’m not like William.” Ryan says.
“What does that even mean?”
“I mean he is not violent by nature.”
“And you are?”
Ryan lifts his head to be able to look at Spencer. “How long are we friends now?”
“Yeah, right…you are like that.”
“Yes. It’s okay.”
“Is it?”
“Maybe not right, but okay.” Ryan answers, snuggling closer again.
~+~
They are doing the whole dating/talking/coffee thing for weeks before William kisses him the first time. It’s soft and careful at first and then hot and lazy before it’s a battle for control. Ryan just can’t give up.
“Okay…” William says as he pulls away.
“Okay?”
“Okay.” William answers with a smile. Ryan doesn’t know what William means but he doesn’t ask either. It is kinda perfect. William’s lips on his are kinda perfect and the best part is that he doesn’t need to be careful, that he can let himself go.
~+~
“You’re looking satisfied.” Jon says.
“I am.” Ryan answers as he sits down on the kitchen table to watch Jon prepare a sandwich.
“Date with William was good then?”
“Excellent. We got to the kissing part.”
“Congratulations.”
“Thank you.” Ryan says, “Hey Jon?”
“Yeah?”
“Is this okay?”
“What?”
“Me, dating William…I mean what with me being with you.” And Gerard, kind of, he thinks.
“Don’t you think we would have said something? Someone would have said something?”
“But what if I make you do that?”
“You don’t have that power.” Jon says and he sounds sure, the problem is that Ryan never explored the depths of his powers over them. He didn’t want to know.
“You don’t know that.”
“I do.” Jon says, sitting down across from Ryan, cutting his sandwich in two and handing Ryan the other half.
“Thanks.”
“You’re welcome.” Jon says.
~+~
When it finally happens it’s not like Ryan thought it would be, but then William isn’t like Ryan thought he would be so it shouldn’t surprise him.
William doesn’t make him surrender like he does. William just pushes him down gently while they kiss, takes of his clothes while he’s distracted and before he knows it they’re both naked and panting. William above him, not forcing anything, but still in control of the situation. Ryan closes his eyes and just feels, William’s lips, his fingers on his skin. William’s body is chilly and it’s a difference to the hot lovers he has, full of life and blood. William is slow in his movements, leaving Ryan hard and aching and wanting. Wanting to be taken. And he’s afraid. He really is, more than he ever was. Because he wants to let William have him, wants to surrender and he never really wanted that. He likes to be in control. And he thought he would have to fight and maybe he would win, but William made him surrender without force.
“You okay?” William whispers in his ear, while his hand strokes small circles into Ryan’s hip.
“No.”
“Do you want me to stop?” William looks honest and earnest.
“No…”
“Ryan?”
“I’m afraid.” Ryan says softly.
“You don’t need to be, I won’t hurt you.” William answers, kissing his cheek, the corner of his mouth and then his lips. Ryan sighs. William doesn’t use his teeth, not once while he’s exploring Ryan’s body, learning every curve and hollow and bone. By the time William actually pushes inside Ryan is ready to beg, to die, to do anything. Anything really. And there is no pain, no pain at all. It’s just…he doesn’t have words for it. It’s him being taken care of, he clutches at William’s back, his nails leaving marks on the skin, William hisses, but he doesn’t stop, doesn’t say anything. Ryan’s grip would have crushed any human, he knows that.
“I want...” William says and it’s a question so Ryan tries to pay attention to. This is important. He looks up into William’s face. He licks his lips, Ryan can see his fangs. And yes, yes, yes. He wants that.
“Yes,” he says and exposes his neck as best he can.
“You sure?”
“Yes.” Ryan repeats. Because he is sure. He wants that. He really wants it. He cries out as William sinks his teeth into his skin, it hurts. It really, really hurts but the pleasure is so much greater. And that’s maybe why Brendon does it. He is so painfully hard and he just wants it to end. Just…
“William.” He says strained, and William gets it, wraps his long fingers around Ryan’s cock and strokes once, twice, maybe four times while thrusting deep and hard but slow while sucking his blood, and he comes. Silently.
~+~
When he gets home he drinks from Jon and Spencer before he pulls Brendon into the bedroom with him.
“So, you had sex with William?” Brendon asks.
“Yes,” Ryan answers.
“How was it?”
“Like it is for you I think?”
“Let me see.” Brendon says, pulling Ryan’s shirt up, over his head to search for marks. There aren’t any.
“Just this…” Ryan says, playing with the bruise on his neck.
“Just this.” Brendon answers, leaning forward to kiss it. “Do you want to…?” he asks.
Ryan pulls him down on top of him.
“I want to wake up with you and Spencer and Jon.” He says kissing Brendon’s temple.
“No sex?”
“Not now.”
“Okay.”
He does wake up with Jon and Spencer and Brendon the next day. He’s pretty sure it’s Brendon’s doing. And he’s sure of something else: He wants to wake up like this every day.
~end~
Author:
alles_luege
Pairing: Ryan/Brendon, Ryan/William, Panic GSF
Rating: R
Summary: Brendon is on a mission to make Ryan happy and if Ryan needs another vampire to make him happy, well, that’s Brendon’s eternal quest then.
Warning(s): Vampires, sex, blood play (a bit), angst, also not a 16 candles Au.
Author’s Notes: Set after ‘Midnight land’. And this is the last part. I swear. I’m done.
Word Count: 4.126
Beta: tygermine
Disclaimer: Don’t know, don’t own, not real
~3~
“Out of love…?” Spencer echoes. Brendon nods.
“What the fuck?!” Ryan is pissed.
“You wanted it.” Brendon says reasonably.
“I…”
“You want it and I give you what you want, I said it once: You can have what you want, you can have…”
“What I desire.” Ryan finishes the sentence with something like awe in his voice. “You meant that.”
“Of course I did. I do.” Brendon says it like it’s the most normal thing in the world. “Besides, it’s William. I mean, as vampires go, he isn’t a bad choice.”
“As bed partners go, he isn’t a bad choice.” Jon throws in, Spencer raises one questioning eyebrow at him. “A gentleman doesn’t talk about it.”
“Oh, kiss and tell.” Brendon says.
“I thought you were just gay for us Walker?” Spencer asks.
“Well…who wouldn’t go for those hips?” Jon wants to know and Brendon laughs. Ryan is silent. He’s still somehow in shock, because Brendon meant it. He meant it and he means it still and Jon…Jon, who always thinks in terms of ‘who’. And Spencer. Spencer who doesn’t deny him anything. Ever.
“Out of love.” He whispers and everything goes still and silent around him. Three pairs of eyes are watching him. “Out of love,” he says again.
“Yeah,” Jon says.
“Of course,” Brendon laughs.
Spencer just nods.
And Ryan still doesn’t know how he could possibly deserve that.
~+~
“Well, that’s awkward.” Ryan says, he’s sitting across from William and doesn’t really know what to do. He always knows what he will do with other people, but not with someone who is like him, because he hasn’t met someone like him. Except this one time, where he was bitten and turned, but that wasn’t a particularly nice experience, definitely nothing to write home about.
“Yeah…I know.” William says with a smile.
“I’m wondering, you know…that you’re willing at all…what with us stealing Jon from you.”
“Do you feed on him?” William asks suddenly. Ryan nods. He doesn’t know what else to do.
“Should I have lied? I don’t know about vampire etiquette.” He says slowly.
“I don’t know either and even if I knew I don’t think it would be something we would concern ourselves with.”
“Maybe…” Ryan answers. There are so many questions in his head. But he doesn’t even know where to start.
“I didn’t…”
“I know…I mean, he didn’t know you were what you are.”
“But you told him.”
“He’s in my band…I mean and besides he’s Jon.” Ryan says with a smile.
“Yeah, he is. Can’t believe he just asked me and made me…” William trails off.
“I know. My whole band is crazy. Totally crazy.”
“And they justify it with love.” William answers.
“Yeah…”
“I think there are worst things you could justify it with.”
“Sure.” Ryan says. He takes a sip from his tea. It somehow feels like a first date and that’s just…he doesn’t even know. He doesn’t want, he doesn’t need. It’s nice, it feels normal. “I wonder,” he starts.
“Yeah?”
“I wonder why I don’t want to rip you apart or force you into submission.”
“I’m not prey.” William says simply.
“Oh…” Yeah, could totally be a reason. “Are you feeding on your band mates?”
“Yes, on some…not all of them. And just when I must.”
“So, you’re not…” he looks into his mug.
“Sleeping with them?”
“Yeah?”
“No, I’m not.” William says.
“Someone else?”
“Yeah.”
“And do you want to…to take control?”
“I…yeah. But I don’t hurt them.” Ryan flinches a bit, he knows William knows about Brendon. “It’s not, I’m not judging or anything.” William adds. “They are prey to us. It’s primal instinct.”
“But you are in control.” Ryan says.
“Not every time…sometimes, sometimes it gets bad, when I didn’t feed for a while or when there is a lot of tension, hate, rage, anger…when there is blood.” William says quietly.
Ryan knows William doesn’t like it, but he’s not ashamed. He isn’t. Ryan wishes he could be like that, just accept everything, but he is ashamed because of what he does with Brendon. “You’re doing it, because he lets you.”
“No, it’s really part of my nature.” Ryan answers and it’s the first time he says it, the first time he really admits it.
“Guess it’s different from person to person.”
William, Ryan notices, thinks in terms of ‘who’ too. Just like Jon does.
~+~
“So how was it?”
“Like a date,” Ryan answers honestly, sprawling over Spencer on the couch.
“No sex?” Brendon wonders.
“No sex.”
“But that’s what you wanted. Wasn’t it?” Brendon asks.
“Yeah, but we talked and it was… he understands.” Ryan answers, his head is lying on Spencer’s shoulder, his hand is playing with the hem of Spencer’s shirt.
“We…we could try?” Brendon says, Ryan knows he wants to be everything Ryan needs and it kills Ryan a little bit that Brendon can’t be that.
“You’re doing enough.” Ryan says with a smile, Spencer is playing with his hair. It’s nice. It’s familiar. “Come here?”
“What for?” Brendon teases.
“So I can have you here, closer to me, to my skin…so I can suck on your neck.” Ryan says and sees Brendon shiver. “You’re only thinking about sex.” He accuses.
“Who’s the one talking about sucking here?” Brendon asks, but he goes nevertheless.
“There isn’t enough space on the couch.” Spencer groans.
“I’m small.”
“He’s small.” Ryan says smiling and Spencer shifts to make room.
“You’re warm…” Brendon says.
“Yeah…” Spencer answers, closing his eyes.
~+~
It’s irritating and interesting that they actually don’t have sex. Interesting because William has a reputation. He totally doesn’t live up to. And irritating, because well they don’t have sex.
“I know.” William says laughing.
“Well, doesn’t it bother you?”
“That I’m apparently a slut?”
“Yeah….” Ryan wouldn’t have said it like that, but yeah.
“No, because I’m not and I know that I’m not sleeping around.”
“It’s funny because I kinda do.” Ryan says.
“Except for the part where you’re not.” William answers.
“Yeah…maybe.” Ryan says smiling. He isn’t sleeping around, because he really loves everyone of them and he doesn’t cheat, because they know and it’s okay, and maybe he really is too hard on himself sometimes.
~+~
“You’re still not sleeping with him.” Spencer says.
“Maybe I don’t need to?” Ryan asks, Spencer’s body heat is surrounding him.
“Are you feeling different?”
“Do I act different?” he wants to know.
“Yeah….calmer. More like everything could be okay.” Spencer answers.
“It’s William.” Spencer is silent. “Spencer?”
“I wish we could have done that for you…you think maybe we made things worse?” he whispers, as if he were scared of the question or the answer, or both.
“I. No. I would never think that. You’re keeping me sane. And besides I’m not like William.” Ryan says.
“What does that even mean?”
“I mean he is not violent by nature.”
“And you are?”
Ryan lifts his head to be able to look at Spencer. “How long are we friends now?”
“Yeah, right…you are like that.”
“Yes. It’s okay.”
“Is it?”
“Maybe not right, but okay.” Ryan answers, snuggling closer again.
~+~
They are doing the whole dating/talking/coffee thing for weeks before William kisses him the first time. It’s soft and careful at first and then hot and lazy before it’s a battle for control. Ryan just can’t give up.
“Okay…” William says as he pulls away.
“Okay?”
“Okay.” William answers with a smile. Ryan doesn’t know what William means but he doesn’t ask either. It is kinda perfect. William’s lips on his are kinda perfect and the best part is that he doesn’t need to be careful, that he can let himself go.
~+~
“You’re looking satisfied.” Jon says.
“I am.” Ryan answers as he sits down on the kitchen table to watch Jon prepare a sandwich.
“Date with William was good then?”
“Excellent. We got to the kissing part.”
“Congratulations.”
“Thank you.” Ryan says, “Hey Jon?”
“Yeah?”
“Is this okay?”
“What?”
“Me, dating William…I mean what with me being with you.” And Gerard, kind of, he thinks.
“Don’t you think we would have said something? Someone would have said something?”
“But what if I make you do that?”
“You don’t have that power.” Jon says and he sounds sure, the problem is that Ryan never explored the depths of his powers over them. He didn’t want to know.
“You don’t know that.”
“I do.” Jon says, sitting down across from Ryan, cutting his sandwich in two and handing Ryan the other half.
“Thanks.”
“You’re welcome.” Jon says.
~+~
When it finally happens it’s not like Ryan thought it would be, but then William isn’t like Ryan thought he would be so it shouldn’t surprise him.
William doesn’t make him surrender like he does. William just pushes him down gently while they kiss, takes of his clothes while he’s distracted and before he knows it they’re both naked and panting. William above him, not forcing anything, but still in control of the situation. Ryan closes his eyes and just feels, William’s lips, his fingers on his skin. William’s body is chilly and it’s a difference to the hot lovers he has, full of life and blood. William is slow in his movements, leaving Ryan hard and aching and wanting. Wanting to be taken. And he’s afraid. He really is, more than he ever was. Because he wants to let William have him, wants to surrender and he never really wanted that. He likes to be in control. And he thought he would have to fight and maybe he would win, but William made him surrender without force.
“You okay?” William whispers in his ear, while his hand strokes small circles into Ryan’s hip.
“No.”
“Do you want me to stop?” William looks honest and earnest.
“No…”
“Ryan?”
“I’m afraid.” Ryan says softly.
“You don’t need to be, I won’t hurt you.” William answers, kissing his cheek, the corner of his mouth and then his lips. Ryan sighs. William doesn’t use his teeth, not once while he’s exploring Ryan’s body, learning every curve and hollow and bone. By the time William actually pushes inside Ryan is ready to beg, to die, to do anything. Anything really. And there is no pain, no pain at all. It’s just…he doesn’t have words for it. It’s him being taken care of, he clutches at William’s back, his nails leaving marks on the skin, William hisses, but he doesn’t stop, doesn’t say anything. Ryan’s grip would have crushed any human, he knows that.
“I want...” William says and it’s a question so Ryan tries to pay attention to. This is important. He looks up into William’s face. He licks his lips, Ryan can see his fangs. And yes, yes, yes. He wants that.
“Yes,” he says and exposes his neck as best he can.
“You sure?”
“Yes.” Ryan repeats. Because he is sure. He wants that. He really wants it. He cries out as William sinks his teeth into his skin, it hurts. It really, really hurts but the pleasure is so much greater. And that’s maybe why Brendon does it. He is so painfully hard and he just wants it to end. Just…
“William.” He says strained, and William gets it, wraps his long fingers around Ryan’s cock and strokes once, twice, maybe four times while thrusting deep and hard but slow while sucking his blood, and he comes. Silently.
~+~
When he gets home he drinks from Jon and Spencer before he pulls Brendon into the bedroom with him.
“So, you had sex with William?” Brendon asks.
“Yes,” Ryan answers.
“How was it?”
“Like it is for you I think?”
“Let me see.” Brendon says, pulling Ryan’s shirt up, over his head to search for marks. There aren’t any.
“Just this…” Ryan says, playing with the bruise on his neck.
“Just this.” Brendon answers, leaning forward to kiss it. “Do you want to…?” he asks.
Ryan pulls him down on top of him.
“I want to wake up with you and Spencer and Jon.” He says kissing Brendon’s temple.
“No sex?”
“Not now.”
“Okay.”
He does wake up with Jon and Spencer and Brendon the next day. He’s pretty sure it’s Brendon’s doing. And he’s sure of something else: He wants to wake up like this every day.
~end~