Life and Love
WOW! It's been forever since I've posted on here! I guess I got busy as hell all of a sudden. Anyway... let me just update this thing for my own use... since nobody actually even gets on here, lol.
I currently have two jobs. I'm still working at Prairie Elementary at the After School Care. I love the job but sometimes my coworkers piss me off. I think a lot of it has to do with my being stressed out at school, so I have less patience for the kids. My other job is at Hallmark. When I first started there I truly LOVED the job. It's still a pretty damn good job. I get paid well and hardly have to do anything but I think I have issues with getting along with coworkers. That's why I've always wanted to work with kids... I don't quite have to put up with adults as much. lol But it is truly simple and good pay and I hardly even have to do anything. My boss has been trying to schedule me as little as possible so I can concentrate on school.
I'm still at ULL for History and my minor is English. This is SUPPOSED to be my last semester but the problem is that I'm having to take 18 hours to get all the hours I need and two are online courses. It's more complicated than I thought it might be. However, I'm actually doing really well in most of my courses. I need a 'D' in my normal courses but a 'C' in my history courses. One history course in particular is killing me. It's about Spain's empire in the New World and it's boring as hell. My professor told us that if we make all 'A's but don't participate in class discussion the best we could make is a 'C'. This concerns me because I got my first paper back and it was a 'B'. I can't participate in class discussions because I have NO clue what is going on! That's crazy! I feel like everyone else must either be geniuses or do serious research on the course because I feel like I'm the only one who is hearing German when everyone speaks. It's so frustrating! I refuse to let this stupid history class keep me from graduating on time! :(
On a brighter note... I save the best for last. Last December... 2010 this guy and I started talking as friends. You know, just casual conversation. We met at Nitetown for a Saving Abel concert once, it was incredibly awkward because I was with my friend and all three of us contributed to making the night as awkward as possible. His name is Ben and he was in a local band called Carrion. All the members went to Lafayette High with me, so I'd heard of them but didn't really pay attention to them. He told me he just joined the band and they started getting gigs. He told me of one at the Station and kept insisting that I go. I told him I would and my friend was supposed to come with me. Well, she ended up having to work and so at the last minute I had to decide if I really wanted to go or make someone else go. At this point I was sure that he, if nothing else, had a small crush on me. I wasn't sure how I felt because my friend kept insisting that there was something bad about him. Another friend agreed to go with me and we enjoyed their show. Watching him play the drums made me think he was super sexy because who doesn't dream about dating a guy in a rock band? haha He kind of ignored us the whole time because he had so many other friends there. But I made sure to hug him goodbye. After that night we continued to flirt and I continued to hint to him that I wanted to hang out. I finally got him to understand, and we decided to go to the movies. We went to see Transformers and the whole time I started to wonder if he would hit on me. I was so desperate to kiss him that I held my hand out like they tell you to do in movies and TV shows. Hoping he would see it or feel it and grab hold... finally he linked my pinky. That turned into holding hands and eventually a kiss... He came over the next day and we hung out and he asked me to be his girlfriend. I previously told myself I wouldn't say yes because it was too soon and I was unsure of how I felt. But as I was sitting there looking at him I knew I wanted to be his girlfriend... After all of the bullshit I went through with two of my exes I knew I was ready and prepared for a real relationship, done the right way.
We have now been dating for two months and ten days. (Yes, I'm precise!) It's a VERY short period of time... and I worry that I am getting ahead of myself, but it only took me one month to know that Benjamin is the one. The man I've been waiting for all my life. He's about as perfect as a guy can be. And although I know that perfection doesn't exist, I guess what I mean is he is perfect for me. He is easy-going to my stress and paranoia. He just makes me feel entirely secure. That I can trust him, and know that finally there is someone there that I never have to worry about leaving me. Of course the realist in me sometimes forces me to recognize that it's possible we won't be together forever. But on my side of the relationship, I am truly and madly in love. If he asked me to marry him today, I would say yes. Clearly I'm not planning to tell him that. I don't want to do ANYTHING that make him go away. Granted, I know that if it's meant to be it will happen but I just don't want to rock the boat on something that to me is so amazing. I don't want to pressure him or make him feel like anything has to happen right now. Clearly, we've only been dating two months. We still have plenty of things to learn about each other I'm sure. But I don't think he could say anything to change my mind. We both need to get out on our feet and be able to take care of ourselves before we can take care of each other in a marriage but as far as who I'm going to end up, I just know it's going to be him. But here and there I worry. I've never in my life loved anyone as much as I love him. When I think about the possibility that something could happen to him or that I might have to live without him, I get a serious pain in my heart. All I can think about is being with him.
Being with him I know what all of the cliches are about. I think of him at all times. I just know that he's the one. My mom has always said when you find the one, you will just know. And I just know. When I think about past boyfriends, all the times I said I was in love, in the back of my mind I constantly doubted. Now that I have him, I know that no other relationship could ever compare to what I have now. The times I thought I MIGHT be in love, were just mere kindergarten crushes. I have just never been more sure of anything in my life. And I am so amazingly happy.
I never before wanted to give birth to children... but being with him, the more I think about it the more my mind opens up to the idea of having kids. I'm still incredibly scared and would need some negotiation to be convinced, but if that's what he really wants, I feel like I would do anything to make him happy.
I mean at times I read what I'm saying and just think wow I probably seem incredible obsessive but... it's just different. Everything about him is right. I could name a million things I love about him but to me all that matters is that I just do.
Love songs make sense because of him. They are no longer painful and something I long for... they are something I understand now. It's just amazing. Simply amazing to be in love. I know we have a long way to go but all I can think about is marrying him. I plan my wedding everyday... something I've never done before. My mom constantly asks me questions and has essentially figured out that I love him and she repeatedly makes me start thinking of things I've already begun to think of.
Anyway... long story short... School sucks, I'm in love, and I want to hurry the hell up and finish school (even though I have NO clue what I want to do with my life) so that I can move out and be with the love of my life constantly.
I sound cheesy as hell and mentally retarded but. I'm just so sincerely happy.
I currently have two jobs. I'm still working at Prairie Elementary at the After School Care. I love the job but sometimes my coworkers piss me off. I think a lot of it has to do with my being stressed out at school, so I have less patience for the kids. My other job is at Hallmark. When I first started there I truly LOVED the job. It's still a pretty damn good job. I get paid well and hardly have to do anything but I think I have issues with getting along with coworkers. That's why I've always wanted to work with kids... I don't quite have to put up with adults as much. lol But it is truly simple and good pay and I hardly even have to do anything. My boss has been trying to schedule me as little as possible so I can concentrate on school.
I'm still at ULL for History and my minor is English. This is SUPPOSED to be my last semester but the problem is that I'm having to take 18 hours to get all the hours I need and two are online courses. It's more complicated than I thought it might be. However, I'm actually doing really well in most of my courses. I need a 'D' in my normal courses but a 'C' in my history courses. One history course in particular is killing me. It's about Spain's empire in the New World and it's boring as hell. My professor told us that if we make all 'A's but don't participate in class discussion the best we could make is a 'C'. This concerns me because I got my first paper back and it was a 'B'. I can't participate in class discussions because I have NO clue what is going on! That's crazy! I feel like everyone else must either be geniuses or do serious research on the course because I feel like I'm the only one who is hearing German when everyone speaks. It's so frustrating! I refuse to let this stupid history class keep me from graduating on time! :(
On a brighter note... I save the best for last. Last December... 2010 this guy and I started talking as friends. You know, just casual conversation. We met at Nitetown for a Saving Abel concert once, it was incredibly awkward because I was with my friend and all three of us contributed to making the night as awkward as possible. His name is Ben and he was in a local band called Carrion. All the members went to Lafayette High with me, so I'd heard of them but didn't really pay attention to them. He told me he just joined the band and they started getting gigs. He told me of one at the Station and kept insisting that I go. I told him I would and my friend was supposed to come with me. Well, she ended up having to work and so at the last minute I had to decide if I really wanted to go or make someone else go. At this point I was sure that he, if nothing else, had a small crush on me. I wasn't sure how I felt because my friend kept insisting that there was something bad about him. Another friend agreed to go with me and we enjoyed their show. Watching him play the drums made me think he was super sexy because who doesn't dream about dating a guy in a rock band? haha He kind of ignored us the whole time because he had so many other friends there. But I made sure to hug him goodbye. After that night we continued to flirt and I continued to hint to him that I wanted to hang out. I finally got him to understand, and we decided to go to the movies. We went to see Transformers and the whole time I started to wonder if he would hit on me. I was so desperate to kiss him that I held my hand out like they tell you to do in movies and TV shows. Hoping he would see it or feel it and grab hold... finally he linked my pinky. That turned into holding hands and eventually a kiss... He came over the next day and we hung out and he asked me to be his girlfriend. I previously told myself I wouldn't say yes because it was too soon and I was unsure of how I felt. But as I was sitting there looking at him I knew I wanted to be his girlfriend... After all of the bullshit I went through with two of my exes I knew I was ready and prepared for a real relationship, done the right way.
We have now been dating for two months and ten days. (Yes, I'm precise!) It's a VERY short period of time... and I worry that I am getting ahead of myself, but it only took me one month to know that Benjamin is the one. The man I've been waiting for all my life. He's about as perfect as a guy can be. And although I know that perfection doesn't exist, I guess what I mean is he is perfect for me. He is easy-going to my stress and paranoia. He just makes me feel entirely secure. That I can trust him, and know that finally there is someone there that I never have to worry about leaving me. Of course the realist in me sometimes forces me to recognize that it's possible we won't be together forever. But on my side of the relationship, I am truly and madly in love. If he asked me to marry him today, I would say yes. Clearly I'm not planning to tell him that. I don't want to do ANYTHING that make him go away. Granted, I know that if it's meant to be it will happen but I just don't want to rock the boat on something that to me is so amazing. I don't want to pressure him or make him feel like anything has to happen right now. Clearly, we've only been dating two months. We still have plenty of things to learn about each other I'm sure. But I don't think he could say anything to change my mind. We both need to get out on our feet and be able to take care of ourselves before we can take care of each other in a marriage but as far as who I'm going to end up, I just know it's going to be him. But here and there I worry. I've never in my life loved anyone as much as I love him. When I think about the possibility that something could happen to him or that I might have to live without him, I get a serious pain in my heart. All I can think about is being with him.
Being with him I know what all of the cliches are about. I think of him at all times. I just know that he's the one. My mom has always said when you find the one, you will just know. And I just know. When I think about past boyfriends, all the times I said I was in love, in the back of my mind I constantly doubted. Now that I have him, I know that no other relationship could ever compare to what I have now. The times I thought I MIGHT be in love, were just mere kindergarten crushes. I have just never been more sure of anything in my life. And I am so amazingly happy.
I never before wanted to give birth to children... but being with him, the more I think about it the more my mind opens up to the idea of having kids. I'm still incredibly scared and would need some negotiation to be convinced, but if that's what he really wants, I feel like I would do anything to make him happy.
I mean at times I read what I'm saying and just think wow I probably seem incredible obsessive but... it's just different. Everything about him is right. I could name a million things I love about him but to me all that matters is that I just do.
Love songs make sense because of him. They are no longer painful and something I long for... they are something I understand now. It's just amazing. Simply amazing to be in love. I know we have a long way to go but all I can think about is marrying him. I plan my wedding everyday... something I've never done before. My mom constantly asks me questions and has essentially figured out that I love him and she repeatedly makes me start thinking of things I've already begun to think of.
Anyway... long story short... School sucks, I'm in love, and I want to hurry the hell up and finish school (even though I have NO clue what I want to do with my life) so that I can move out and be with the love of my life constantly.
I sound cheesy as hell and mentally retarded but. I'm just so sincerely happy.