(no subject)
I'm tired of feeling like I can't trust anyone. I'm tired of being bothered when my friends hang out without me. But sooo many times I have had separate friends and they have become friends and forgot about me or somehow realized how much they really don't like me. And it fucking hurts. Because I'm not good at anything in life. I'm not successful at anything. I'm not ambitious about anything. I don't try at anything. Except when it comes to caring and being a good friend. People who barely know me know that I'm not a bitch or trying to be mean when I complain about the way my friends treat me. I'm just SO TIRED of being treated like shit. I purposefully try everything I can to be the best friend I can and to make my friends happy and to be there for them and everything. And every single time they find a way to make me feel like I'm stupid and worthless and just an idiot. NOBODY gets me. Even my own family. My friends start to get me at first and then they realize that they can't just walk all over me and ditch me.
This is why I missed Malorie the other day. I just want ONE fucking friend who can talk to me and make me feel better and who I can fully trust. Even though I usually trust my other friends I can't help but feel pissed off when they hang together. And I don't wanna hear stories about how they're hanging out or how much fun they have together because it just assures me more and more that they are going to ditch me. I'm already down to five friends. So how utterly great would it be to be down to three. One of whom is no longer in this world...
great.
This is why I missed Malorie the other day. I just want ONE fucking friend who can talk to me and make me feel better and who I can fully trust. Even though I usually trust my other friends I can't help but feel pissed off when they hang together. And I don't wanna hear stories about how they're hanging out or how much fun they have together because it just assures me more and more that they are going to ditch me. I'm already down to five friends. So how utterly great would it be to be down to three. One of whom is no longer in this world...
great.