(no subject)
i fucking hate livejournal. i cant pinpoint it, but something about it makes me want to throw up.
unfrotunately, i can find any of my journals. which is no good. no good what-so-ever. i dont have time to go digging through everything i own however, so i say fuck it. livejournal it is.
im so tired. so incredibly worn down. but i cant sleep. everytime i close my eyes the thoughts come. tearing my brain apart. making my heart race. my stomach ache. ive been doing research for my oral communication paper, and at the same time trying to figure out what i can do to make myself better. to help ease the insanity. but if my depakote level is raised anymore its not safe. and i dont want to start any new drugs and deal with the possibility, actually, probability of side-effects. i know i need to eat healthier but the pills make me hungry constantly. not to mention quitting smoking. its a total catch 22 and i fucking hate it. so not only am i sleep deprived, getting fatter, in pain all the time, but im starting to become a real bitch.
fuck.
and i feel like such a whiney bastard for all of this. but what the hell. i suck it up all day and dont say a god damn thing about it. pretend everythings dandy. and at night i just want to tear my eyes out and scream at the top of my lungs and just stop giving a fuck for five seconds about everything.
maybe tonight should be that night.
unfrotunately, i can find any of my journals. which is no good. no good what-so-ever. i dont have time to go digging through everything i own however, so i say fuck it. livejournal it is.
im so tired. so incredibly worn down. but i cant sleep. everytime i close my eyes the thoughts come. tearing my brain apart. making my heart race. my stomach ache. ive been doing research for my oral communication paper, and at the same time trying to figure out what i can do to make myself better. to help ease the insanity. but if my depakote level is raised anymore its not safe. and i dont want to start any new drugs and deal with the possibility, actually, probability of side-effects. i know i need to eat healthier but the pills make me hungry constantly. not to mention quitting smoking. its a total catch 22 and i fucking hate it. so not only am i sleep deprived, getting fatter, in pain all the time, but im starting to become a real bitch.
fuck.
and i feel like such a whiney bastard for all of this. but what the hell. i suck it up all day and dont say a god damn thing about it. pretend everythings dandy. and at night i just want to tear my eyes out and scream at the top of my lungs and just stop giving a fuck for five seconds about everything.
maybe tonight should be that night.