Look at me too
Title: Look at me too
Pairings: Onesided Banglo, Banghim
Genre: Angst, (a tiny bit of) fluff
Rating: G
Summary: Junhong wishes Yongguk would see him as more than just a kid
Junhong stares at the pattern of the wall paper with watery eyes and tries to ignore the growing ache in his chest. It’s late night in Kuala Lumpur, a little after midnight so it’s 1am back in Seoul. The bright neon lights of the city below cast shadows on the wall; Junhong bites down on his lip and pretends to sleep. I want to go back home. I should never have left.
He can hear Yongguk in the background, speaking in low husky tones to someone on the phone. The elder male sits in one of the chairs near the sliding doors, staring out at the skyline. He keeps the phone pressed firmly to his ear with one hand and nurses a perspiring bottle of beer in the other.
‘How are the kids?’ Yongguk asks, voice taking on the same tenderness it always does when Yongguk talks about his band mates. Junhong’s heart clenches painfully. The elder chuckles at something the other says and it’s almost like he’s mocking him.’Ngh, Yeah I’m sure they’ll tell me all about it when we get home’
‘Junhongie-yah?’ The wooden chair creaks slightly as Yongguk shifts, glancing at the maknae. ‘Yeah, he’s fine, he’s asleep right now… He was great but I think all the excitement tired him out’ There’s that tenderness again, so thick that Yongguk almost sounds like a proud father. He’s the proud father, the leader of the band and he sees them all as kids, even Daehyun who’s only a few years younger. Himchan is the only exception; Himchan who has lived with Yongguk for almost a year. Himchan who has gone and performed in rap shows with Yongguk. Himchan who has been in music videos, commercials and even a god damn film with Yongguk. Himchan who has seen Yongguk at his lowest and now his highest too. Junhong feels a tear escape his eye, sliding over the bridge of his nose. Junhong knows that all he’ll ever be to Yongguk is a kid.
Look at me too
‘You should sleep’ Says the elder and his voice is tender but in a completely different way. He laughs again, a little louder than before and Junhong tenses, trying to stay as still as possible despite the butterflies that flutter around in his stomach. He always thought this butterfly feeling was nice but now there’s something else, some sickening that creeps up behind it and stabs at his already shattered heart. ‘I’ll see you the day after tomorrow, we’ll be back by the time you guys finish practice’
‘Oh and Chan-ah’
Hyung, don’t say it
Yongguk pauses. Junhong draws in a shaky breath, feeling it quake his fragile heart whilst the butterflies swarm at full speed. He’s scared they might break it though he knows whatever Yongguk says next will probably do just that. He rolls over, lips parting.
Please…
‘I love you’