Not about being brave
Today was a lunch with my family. I was telling my aunt and uncle about Dane being deployed to Afghanistan.my grandmother started telling a story about her friends son who came back from Iraq and shot himself in his backyard. I was fucking livid and horribly sad about the reality of war and being a soldier's fiancé.I just looked at her and said"why the hell would you say that right now?" I felt the tears filling up as fear overwhelmed my heart. I walked out the restaurant. My mother begged me to come inside. I said no, I'm not going to just to save you from embarrassment. I'm tired and upset and I wanted to go home. My brother finally came to get me andbrought me to their condo. It cheered me up briefly.
I realize that I cannot predict the future and I have clue what God is up to. I didn't even think of drinking. I went to a mtg and witnessed a few miracles sitting next to me.
I can't live in fear. I did that for a long time. If I had been praying maybe I would have been prepared for this. Doubtful really. That's the problem. I have a resentment. I'm really pissed off. I can't do a fucking thing about it.
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