just everthing
oh goodness so many thoughts going through my head! im on vacation up in wisconsin with the fam at lake geneva n its super fun kinda lol dans getting on my nerves but what else is new, right? lol im watching moulan rouge and its kinda just brought up one thought which later led to many others..mostly about myself and how i act and think, that i think i should just like let out. i give myself credit for at least being able to admit and realize when i have a problem...or well not reallya problem more of just a character trait i feel i should change. this is kind of me sterotyping people at larkin, or in high school in general to be like inconsiderate, rude, and stupid....but really lots of people are like that! lol i am by no means saying that i am perfect and always considerate, nice and intellegent...what im SAYING is that...i feel like im like over sensative and i know i just expect a lot out of people, ESPICIALLY my friends and of course torreson. then again, is expecting people to be fair and nice and considerate and just not a jerk...really asking a lot? anyhow, i find myself being easily let down by those who i THINK i care about and who i THINK could be a good friend or whatever...i mean, everyone makes mistakes so i guess thats ok...im just realy sick of getting excited when i meet sombody new [guy or girl] thinking they could be this like best friend that is just an over all good person that i have been looking for...seroiusly...forever, or well, all of my life time lol and then what do you know, of coures they arent. the only person other than like family who hasnt let me down and has just been this awesome influence in my life has been torreson.
regarding him, though, another thing i noticed is that i continually let this bad side of myself out that looks for other guys when i KNOW i should be with him and i want to and its right and splendid and just wonderful with him...i honestly DONT know why i even flirt with or talk like that with other guys. as im sure you have all noticed, i did try to have things happen with another guy and he let me down like no other, and kind of gave me the mentality [which could very well just be true] that no guy is ever going to be as right for me or treat me as right as torreson does...even if i start to like one and think it can work...actually choosing to BE with whoever the new guy is would be difficult for me, like to officially be with them, because torreson is still in my mind and i still feel i should be with him...i mean i should, he is wonderful and awesome and perfect for me =) plus we are super duper cute together!!! =D its just difficult to find sombody that i feel i could be with for such a long time, at such a young age....there is still that part of me that remembers dating for a month or so just to try it and letting it go and moving on and having it be nothing...and i sometimes miss that...im not like a super loser lol of course i want to go have fun i mean its fuckin high school u only go thru it all once i feel like i should just...i dunno have more experiences or something...but then i think..look at who i tell myeslf i should be having these experiences with...stupid larkin people lol just like i get pissed if my friends do something with out me...even tho half the time i wouldnt have fun if i was ther, i would probably actually think it was lame lol its just KNOWING you were invited or whatever, you know? im not saying that torreson and i are perfect people, we arent at all. infact if you know me well at all you probably realized i have some problems, i kno torreson well, he has some problems, i mean everyone does...
jeez just look at that, i contradict myself and go back and fourth and say so much crazy stuff and at the end of this post, ill be in the same spot as b4 i wrote it...i just think in circles! lol no but really, its a pain in the ass to be like that, my brain messes me up.
another thing ive been thinking...this year is going to be unbelievably difficult for me. ive got all my hardest classes all falling on this year, an extra class that i acutally want to like try and work at and get something out of and not just blow off cus its extra, its my first year on varsity, and i really honestly want to like have a good sleeping pattern and like do my work and learn and not just get by and temporarily memorize whats needed for the test. at the end of this year i felt as if i had learned nothing, i dont want this year to be like that.
im watching moulan rouge and its kind of making me sad...on the brighter side...simone rich megan and melanie are coming up to the lake to visit me on wendsday and im super excited =) yay for good friends lol or well, somewhat?
this casa we are staying at is on the top of this crazy hill so every time we walk down to the dock to get on the boat it kills to get back up!! like literally im out of breath and my calfs burn lol but im excited cus hopefully by the end of the week it will be easier and ill feel better about myself lol thats how it was with the littler hill at the camp at last years family vacation..basically..i dominated the hill ;) lol
let me know if anyone wants to hang out once i get back from vacation!?! other than cheer and work...and possibly wedding crashers with rich..i hve NO plans! haha party ;)
OH MAN PARTY! i just rememberd lol friday nite me n my sister had like a house party type thing lol it was fuckin awesome lol she hooked us up n people spent the nite n we paried n it was just awesome lol it was another experience...as well as goin to a concert in the city with rich! ahh it was SWEET! it was at the congress theater or whatever n that place is awesome...we had a sweet ass time, n afterwords we stoped at this tattoo shop with my sister, top notch, cus she knows the guy that owns it n the people that work there n what not so i got to check that out and was SO unbelievably close to etiehr getting my ears re pierced or my BELLY BUTTON! im so tempted lol padres are feelin that tho lol and i talked to my brother the other day, last night actually...i love him, hes so awesome and really a cool guy, i totally respect what hes doin with his life n like idolize it actually lol hes just like experiencing things and living basically. that night [last night] i had a dream and him n i were like hangin out at some show/movie/concert thing n we were just like chillin lol it was awesome.
my step sister and her husband have been together since she was fourteen..and they have been together fourteen years now....[apparntly shes 28] lol i just thought that was so interesting...i mean she told me it was kind of on and off but always ended up being back...on lol so there is way hope =) me n t got together when i was 15 =) lol
ps i tried a new part in my hair today and i think i like it! ;) lol nothing drastic but a good change..after all im about to be a junior....fuckin crazy lol night boys n girls!
regarding him, though, another thing i noticed is that i continually let this bad side of myself out that looks for other guys when i KNOW i should be with him and i want to and its right and splendid and just wonderful with him...i honestly DONT know why i even flirt with or talk like that with other guys. as im sure you have all noticed, i did try to have things happen with another guy and he let me down like no other, and kind of gave me the mentality [which could very well just be true] that no guy is ever going to be as right for me or treat me as right as torreson does...even if i start to like one and think it can work...actually choosing to BE with whoever the new guy is would be difficult for me, like to officially be with them, because torreson is still in my mind and i still feel i should be with him...i mean i should, he is wonderful and awesome and perfect for me =) plus we are super duper cute together!!! =D its just difficult to find sombody that i feel i could be with for such a long time, at such a young age....there is still that part of me that remembers dating for a month or so just to try it and letting it go and moving on and having it be nothing...and i sometimes miss that...im not like a super loser lol of course i want to go have fun i mean its fuckin high school u only go thru it all once i feel like i should just...i dunno have more experiences or something...but then i think..look at who i tell myeslf i should be having these experiences with...stupid larkin people lol just like i get pissed if my friends do something with out me...even tho half the time i wouldnt have fun if i was ther, i would probably actually think it was lame lol its just KNOWING you were invited or whatever, you know? im not saying that torreson and i are perfect people, we arent at all. infact if you know me well at all you probably realized i have some problems, i kno torreson well, he has some problems, i mean everyone does...
jeez just look at that, i contradict myself and go back and fourth and say so much crazy stuff and at the end of this post, ill be in the same spot as b4 i wrote it...i just think in circles! lol no but really, its a pain in the ass to be like that, my brain messes me up.
another thing ive been thinking...this year is going to be unbelievably difficult for me. ive got all my hardest classes all falling on this year, an extra class that i acutally want to like try and work at and get something out of and not just blow off cus its extra, its my first year on varsity, and i really honestly want to like have a good sleeping pattern and like do my work and learn and not just get by and temporarily memorize whats needed for the test. at the end of this year i felt as if i had learned nothing, i dont want this year to be like that.
im watching moulan rouge and its kind of making me sad...on the brighter side...simone rich megan and melanie are coming up to the lake to visit me on wendsday and im super excited =) yay for good friends lol or well, somewhat?
this casa we are staying at is on the top of this crazy hill so every time we walk down to the dock to get on the boat it kills to get back up!! like literally im out of breath and my calfs burn lol but im excited cus hopefully by the end of the week it will be easier and ill feel better about myself lol thats how it was with the littler hill at the camp at last years family vacation..basically..i dominated the hill ;) lol
let me know if anyone wants to hang out once i get back from vacation!?! other than cheer and work...and possibly wedding crashers with rich..i hve NO plans! haha party ;)
OH MAN PARTY! i just rememberd lol friday nite me n my sister had like a house party type thing lol it was fuckin awesome lol she hooked us up n people spent the nite n we paried n it was just awesome lol it was another experience...as well as goin to a concert in the city with rich! ahh it was SWEET! it was at the congress theater or whatever n that place is awesome...we had a sweet ass time, n afterwords we stoped at this tattoo shop with my sister, top notch, cus she knows the guy that owns it n the people that work there n what not so i got to check that out and was SO unbelievably close to etiehr getting my ears re pierced or my BELLY BUTTON! im so tempted lol padres are feelin that tho lol and i talked to my brother the other day, last night actually...i love him, hes so awesome and really a cool guy, i totally respect what hes doin with his life n like idolize it actually lol hes just like experiencing things and living basically. that night [last night] i had a dream and him n i were like hangin out at some show/movie/concert thing n we were just like chillin lol it was awesome.
my step sister and her husband have been together since she was fourteen..and they have been together fourteen years now....[apparntly shes 28] lol i just thought that was so interesting...i mean she told me it was kind of on and off but always ended up being back...on lol so there is way hope =) me n t got together when i was 15 =) lol
ps i tried a new part in my hair today and i think i like it! ;) lol nothing drastic but a good change..after all im about to be a junior....fuckin crazy lol night boys n girls!