Listen to Your Heart, There's Nothing Else You Can Do...
I wish I wrote in this thing more. I've found that lately, I haven't had the time to change my away messages or check emails. I've been so busy and I don't even know why.
School is coming fast- it's the 8th (technically the 9th, but since I never went to bed, it's still the 8th). On the 17th, I go to the Meatloaf concert! I have been waiting for this for most of my life! Then the next morning at 8:30 my plane leaves, landing me in Orlando, Florida at 11:30! I will probably be exhausted but I'm excited to hit up a beach and take in the scenes, and definitely visiting with CJ's family (they're awesome!). I'll be coming home the 27th, and after that I only have a week to finish getting everything in order to go back to school! So in total, I really only have just over two weeks time left at home this summer. So if you wanna see me, please let me know!!!
Also, I plan on staying at school about every other weekend this year. I'm gonna still work at Godiva some weekends, but I'm gonna work at Dunk's I believe this year, so this way I can not waste all the weekend time, I can make some more money and I can really feel like more of a part of the school.
This summer has made me realize a lot. All year at school, I was mostly miserable (though it got much better in the end) and I didn't make a ton of friends or do anything besides homework, really. I was so ready to come home for the summer. And the summer hasn't been a total bust, and I've finally started to really enjoy it these last few weeks. But for a long time I was so lost- I didn't have a job, or classes, and didn't really have luck finding friends to see. And when I did manage to get together with someone, I was too broke to do anything. At one point, when I finally got a job, I had to return stuff to bath and body works for gas money and still wasn't sure I would have enough money to buy gas to get to work before my first pay check. So needless to say, the summer started off rough. Last summer, after graduating it was like everyone wanted to see me, making sure we hung out before going off to college. It was a fun summer. And I was really excited to go to school finally, it was supposed to be this amazing adventure. Well the adventure part was true, but to be honest, I found college rather bland. So when this summer began and it was nothing like last summer, I realized it. I understood that I'm no longer in high school, and as much as I live in Danvers and have friends here, my life is now supposed to be more centered around Bridgewater. And so that's what I'm going to do this year. That doesn't mean that I'm ditching all my friends from home, of course not. But I've learned what a real friend is, and when to let go of high school friends who I don't know anymore, especially the ones who never took the time or interest in me this summer. I have a few good friends at BSC, and we even have our own little group. For the first time in my life, I am part of a group, not just kinda friends with some random people from all different groups. And I do have other friends, and this year I want to expand that. I am much more comfortable at school now so I plan on being more outgoing, and making more friends and introducing them to the ones I already have. I just think that this year has meant a lot of growing for me, and it wasn't just college that made me grow- it was the transition of coming back home after all year away. I know a lot more now about friendships and belonging and maybe I can't change that in Danvers, but I still have a few more years at BSC and I intend to make them great ones.
That being said, I need to start pulling all my school stuff out of the garage and my bedroom and starting to sort through it all. I need to pack stuff, figure out what I need to stock up on and buy new things of, and get that all together. Then I need to figure out which clothes to bring to school and which to leave at home (I'm taking my new jeans- I finally have ones that fit again!) At the same time, I need to pack for Florida and figure out what to take down there for a week and a half. When I come back there will be a big laundry day and hopefully by the time I go off to college, my room at home will be neat cuz most of the mess is coming with me! And I also need to figure out stuff like pictures and posters and things like that to decorate and take with me. I really wanna start a scrapbook, but I'm too afraid of cutting up my beloved pictures, and my printer needs a new cartridge before I can make copies there. But hopefully I'll get that out this week and order one, so that I will have it for school!
AND I need to mail clothing and a letter to my wife Sarah Marchese. It's all sitting there waiting to go, I just need to box, label, and pay for it to go to Te-has.
OYvay. This summer has had it's ups though- I love being home with my family, I love my new job and the people there, I love CJ, I love going to the beach and cooking hotdogs in the fire at night, I love swimming, I love going to camp, I love seeing those of my friends who have stuck by me even though I wasn't home all school year. And I feel as though I've gotten sorta close to a few different people this summer, or made new friends anyway, and it's kinda nice. And for those of my friends who haven't bothered to call, return a myspace message, send a single IM except when I say hey first... I'm not writing them out of the will so fast. I'm just not gonna waste any more energy on them anymore. If they're truly my friends, they'll come around and if they send me a word I'll send one back. I've just tossed the ball into their court and I guess the game is on a time-out til further notice. And that's okay, cuz I'm going to school soon anyway, when I will hopefully be busy and having a good time this year. Hopefully!
Today I felt really crappy, and I almost cried at CJ's house tonight. But then I got really relaxed, and I still am. And I'm kinda happy with the way summer turned out. With it's good parts, and it's bad parts have me prepared for what's ahead, got me ready for college. So now I'm (bouncing star!) relieved, and can sit here with a smile on my face.
Oh yeah, I want a tan... note to self- good idea I'm going to Florida at the end of August!
In any case, it's 3:36 and I bet you're all saying "when is this entry gonna end?" So I'm gonna give your eyes a break and go to sleep for a while... I wanna get all of the above mentioned sorting, packing, and cleaning started tomorrow while I watch Sam.
Night my lovelies!
"I wish I could drive away to the sunset back to the day that we first met..."
-The All-American Rejects, Drive Away
"Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be
Everybody searching for a hero
People need someone to look up to
I never found anyone to fulfill my needs
A lonely place to be
So I learned to depend on me
I decided long ago, never to walk in anyone's shadows
If I fail, if I succeed
At least I live as I believe
No matter what they take from me
They can't take away my dignity
Because the greatest love of all
Is happening to me
I found the greatest love of all
Inside of me
The greatest love of all
Is easy to achieve
Learning to love yourself
It is the greatest love of all"
-Whitney Houston, The Greatest Love Of All