(no subject)
Some people are just these products of their discontent, you know? They wear all their devastating moments or bad frames of mind like a blanket. I know I’ve been doing that. I’ve been walking around feeling sad and cold or anxious and burning hot for a good few years. I know that more and more though, I’m beginning to snap out of it. The hardest thing it seems is feeling happy and…I don’t know…alive even? Sadness, illness, anxiety. They’re such good excuses for doing a job half-assed or flaking out on someone or not even trying in the first place. And I’m tired. I’m tired of these highs and lows I’m experiencing. It seems every low is more pronounced than the last. The problems more real…I find myself more self aware. The high points seem short lived and trivial; the high points are trivial, and the sadness also gets trivialized. And I continue to worry. My father always asks me why I worry and I say “because I’m good at it,” my mother asks me why I smoke “because I can.” I ask myself why I don’t sleep or eat and it’s “because the fucking street light keeps making that dumbass noise that can be heard across the park, and I just don’t fucking feel like it.”
Still, I have this amazing life to live. All I need to concentrate on is surviving my adolescence. I’m going for yet another round of picking myself up from the most recent onslaught of severe anxiety and clinical depression. And you know what? I don’t even know what the fuck those terms mean except for the fact that they exist only in my head. And this time it’s it. This time the anxiety is going to go a little more. This time, the depression is going to give and maybe I’ll even start writing songs again. This is my fucking life, goddamn it. We aren’t put on this earth by our parents drunken nights sans contraception to sit in a cage of nausea guarded by adrenaline and low self esteem…and high estrogen for that matter.
It’s time to get over it
…get over her
…get over him
…get over the hump.
you think i know fuck-nothing?
i know fuck-ALL!!
Still, I have this amazing life to live. All I need to concentrate on is surviving my adolescence. I’m going for yet another round of picking myself up from the most recent onslaught of severe anxiety and clinical depression. And you know what? I don’t even know what the fuck those terms mean except for the fact that they exist only in my head. And this time it’s it. This time the anxiety is going to go a little more. This time, the depression is going to give and maybe I’ll even start writing songs again. This is my fucking life, goddamn it. We aren’t put on this earth by our parents drunken nights sans contraception to sit in a cage of nausea guarded by adrenaline and low self esteem…and high estrogen for that matter.
It’s time to get over it
…get over her
…get over him
…get over the hump.
you think i know fuck-nothing?
i know fuck-ALL!!