"I know I'm selfish, I'm unkind" (_-p.s. Placebo rocks-_)
Someone told me off to the extent of that today.. They said that I don't care about anyone and that I'd be better off dead.
Better off dead: Completely agree. Not exactly, but sure. I'll agree to that whenever it's said. Whatever.
I don't care about anyone? That bothered me. Maybe it is true and that is why it bothered me, but I really don't think so. Am I cold and distant? Yes. But that doesn't mean I don't care about people. I go to great lengths to avoid hurting people... Sometimes it is inevitable, I suppose, but I try not to hurt anyone. It just really bothers me. I don't really have anyone to care about, as in REALLY care about. I'm still in the dark about everything in that arena, but you know, I tried. I try. And I'll probably keep trying, because I have no other option really. Sure I can be a bitch, but that's not too often, unless you give me reason and really piss me off. Maybe it seems that way to me, but I'm very easily extremely pissed off? Who knows. I don't really express any good feelings toward anyone because I'm off in my own little shell mourning. I just leave well enough alone. That's proved to work out best most of the time. I don't get hurt, but you still accuse me of trying to hurt you.. Oh well. I'm not perfect or anywhere near it.
When I'm around people I keep my scars to the inside. I'm scarred enough and maybe it shows, but I don't flaunt it. I don't believe in that sort of thing, I guess.
If you've not noticed I'm in a fucked up mood tonight. Fuckk it.
I gotta get to Philly sometime. Actually, more of a subburb of Philly. Something there that's imperative I pick up. No transpo provides quite a problem. Probably have a way in January, though. Gotta get my ass there...
Hm.. also gotta find something for Ben for Christmas. Someone else already stole my only idea. String Quartet Tribute to Tool. Now I have no ideas. Ooh. Getting my ears peirced some more tomorrow in 2 or 3 places. Nikki's getting her nose done, too. Woot. I want a lip peircing. Over on the side. I'd really be killed, though.
Hey.. I wonder if Alyssa is coming up for Christmas.. I was in NJ last time she came up.. that would kick ass. We have to ask Clayton if he's realted to Rob Zombie. Probably not, but you never know. Cummings isn't a very popular last name, is it?
Yeah, anyway.. That's all.
"Before you celebrate 'peace', wash the blood off your hands."
Better off dead: Completely agree. Not exactly, but sure. I'll agree to that whenever it's said. Whatever.
I don't care about anyone? That bothered me. Maybe it is true and that is why it bothered me, but I really don't think so. Am I cold and distant? Yes. But that doesn't mean I don't care about people. I go to great lengths to avoid hurting people... Sometimes it is inevitable, I suppose, but I try not to hurt anyone. It just really bothers me. I don't really have anyone to care about, as in REALLY care about. I'm still in the dark about everything in that arena, but you know, I tried. I try. And I'll probably keep trying, because I have no other option really. Sure I can be a bitch, but that's not too often, unless you give me reason and really piss me off. Maybe it seems that way to me, but I'm very easily extremely pissed off? Who knows. I don't really express any good feelings toward anyone because I'm off in my own little shell mourning. I just leave well enough alone. That's proved to work out best most of the time. I don't get hurt, but you still accuse me of trying to hurt you.. Oh well. I'm not perfect or anywhere near it.
When I'm around people I keep my scars to the inside. I'm scarred enough and maybe it shows, but I don't flaunt it. I don't believe in that sort of thing, I guess.
If you've not noticed I'm in a fucked up mood tonight. Fuckk it.
I gotta get to Philly sometime. Actually, more of a subburb of Philly. Something there that's imperative I pick up. No transpo provides quite a problem. Probably have a way in January, though. Gotta get my ass there...
Hm.. also gotta find something for Ben for Christmas. Someone else already stole my only idea. String Quartet Tribute to Tool. Now I have no ideas. Ooh. Getting my ears peirced some more tomorrow in 2 or 3 places. Nikki's getting her nose done, too. Woot. I want a lip peircing. Over on the side. I'd really be killed, though.
Hey.. I wonder if Alyssa is coming up for Christmas.. I was in NJ last time she came up.. that would kick ass. We have to ask Clayton if he's realted to Rob Zombie. Probably not, but you never know. Cummings isn't a very popular last name, is it?
Yeah, anyway.. That's all.
"Before you celebrate 'peace', wash the blood off your hands."