I Find Myself...
I find myself here again and still relatively the same person yet different in some ways. Still, words fail me and I cannot place them on this page in a way that satisfies me. I am alive, I am breathing, I am fighting to survive, clinging to the happiness I have. It is my raft, my lifesaver in a sea of turmoil, pain, unknowns, and darkness. There is good but also bad, but can one exist without the other? I am tired of complaining but I am too shy to rejoice. If I throw my hands up in the air in glee will someone take notice and swoop down on my lifesaver, poke holes in it and laugh as I drown? While I have allowed myself to experience joy, my longtime friend Pessimism still hovers over my head and warns me. What is it that I am not seeing? Or is she just full of shit? I shake her off, lean against my preserver, push againast the waters and search for the lighthouse that will help me on my path. I am still not satisfied with this account. I have painted myself like some forlorn character in a Shakespearean tragedy when my life is really not that serious or even that bad. I am happy. Three simple words. All the things that came before them, mere irrelevance, more ways for me to digress and more of your time for me to devour. Yay?