(no subject)
How can your feelings for someone change so drastically?
Lately it seems like i can NOT stand Juan. Everything he says or does just urks my fuckin nerves. I just dont get it. I used to care for him so much, but now when i look at him..i literally feel sick and shutter with disgust. And its usually petty things that he does that urks me, like if we are watching a movie, i can gaurentee that ill miss at least 20-30 minutes of the movie cuz hes telling me bout another movie, or some other stupid shit that happenned during the day. I mean..i dont demand complete silence when im watching tv, but fuck..dont talk for 30 minutes straight and not let me pause the fuckin movie. And he is constantly grabbing my titts and other areas. That really drives me nuts. I cant stand it. For some reason it makes me feel like crying. I dont understand that..but it does. And like..i have no fucking privacey. -NONE. Last night i woke up at like 4am to go to the bathroom and he just HAD to follow me. And he didnt even use the bathroom. -.- What the fuck is that all about? And if i get a phone call..hes all up in my business. Like this morning, my mom called to see when i was going to get my dog. I wanted to fucking cry and tell her i wish i could get it right this second..but he was watching me like a hawk. Seriously. I even walked out of the room to talk to her about it and he muted the tv so he could listen to what i was saying. Its shit like that that makes me want to go home.
I cant take that shit. My friend Tom says i should try to make it work and try to learn to love him. But i have. It just WONT work.
Maybe i am over reacting? Maybe i shouldnt be so..whats the word? But all of this is exactly why i want to go home besides the fact that i miss my family. I need my privacey. I need MY life. And it just seems i cant do that here. So i told my mom i was going to get my bus ticket Saturday and leave a week from then. I get paid Saturday so..hopefully ill have enough money to get my ticket. If not, ill make Juan cover the rest. Im going to tell him i have to go because of my grandma. Even though hes such an ass and drives me fucking batty..i cant find it in myself to hurt his feelings. Why? I dunno. Ive never had problems hurting people before. I know that sounds cruel..but its the truth.
Val sent me another email saying her mom found a private renter on the Westside of Jacksonville whos renting out a 2 bdr for $575.00 a month. And they may not need all my info right away and might be able to hold off of it untill i get there. Thats been the problem so far..not having my info. But i really think thats a good deal especially for the location. And the rent would only be $287.5 for each of us. Not bad.. She says hopefully her mom will be getting SOMETHING for us by Friday. Hell i dont give a fuck if its in the ghetto..as long as im home! LOL Damn i hope all this works out...
Well, i got to be at work by 10:30..i wonder if ill get there then? LOL And i dont work at Sonic tonight, so when i get off at 2 from the restrant, im going to take a shower and head out to get my cell phone. I better get that shit man. I been lookin forward to it all week. Anywayz..its 8:11am so i think imma go..
i kinda hope the other waitress comes in today. Im getting very drained running that whole restrant by myself.
Im out!
Lately it seems like i can NOT stand Juan. Everything he says or does just urks my fuckin nerves. I just dont get it. I used to care for him so much, but now when i look at him..i literally feel sick and shutter with disgust. And its usually petty things that he does that urks me, like if we are watching a movie, i can gaurentee that ill miss at least 20-30 minutes of the movie cuz hes telling me bout another movie, or some other stupid shit that happenned during the day. I mean..i dont demand complete silence when im watching tv, but fuck..dont talk for 30 minutes straight and not let me pause the fuckin movie. And he is constantly grabbing my titts and other areas. That really drives me nuts. I cant stand it. For some reason it makes me feel like crying. I dont understand that..but it does. And like..i have no fucking privacey. -NONE. Last night i woke up at like 4am to go to the bathroom and he just HAD to follow me. And he didnt even use the bathroom. -.- What the fuck is that all about? And if i get a phone call..hes all up in my business. Like this morning, my mom called to see when i was going to get my dog. I wanted to fucking cry and tell her i wish i could get it right this second..but he was watching me like a hawk. Seriously. I even walked out of the room to talk to her about it and he muted the tv so he could listen to what i was saying. Its shit like that that makes me want to go home.
I cant take that shit. My friend Tom says i should try to make it work and try to learn to love him. But i have. It just WONT work.
Maybe i am over reacting? Maybe i shouldnt be so..whats the word? But all of this is exactly why i want to go home besides the fact that i miss my family. I need my privacey. I need MY life. And it just seems i cant do that here. So i told my mom i was going to get my bus ticket Saturday and leave a week from then. I get paid Saturday so..hopefully ill have enough money to get my ticket. If not, ill make Juan cover the rest. Im going to tell him i have to go because of my grandma. Even though hes such an ass and drives me fucking batty..i cant find it in myself to hurt his feelings. Why? I dunno. Ive never had problems hurting people before. I know that sounds cruel..but its the truth.
Val sent me another email saying her mom found a private renter on the Westside of Jacksonville whos renting out a 2 bdr for $575.00 a month. And they may not need all my info right away and might be able to hold off of it untill i get there. Thats been the problem so far..not having my info. But i really think thats a good deal especially for the location. And the rent would only be $287.5 for each of us. Not bad.. She says hopefully her mom will be getting SOMETHING for us by Friday. Hell i dont give a fuck if its in the ghetto..as long as im home! LOL Damn i hope all this works out...
Well, i got to be at work by 10:30..i wonder if ill get there then? LOL And i dont work at Sonic tonight, so when i get off at 2 from the restrant, im going to take a shower and head out to get my cell phone. I better get that shit man. I been lookin forward to it all week. Anywayz..its 8:11am so i think imma go..
i kinda hope the other waitress comes in today. Im getting very drained running that whole restrant by myself.
Im out!